More on the Lane Kiffin hire: why you want your rival to hire this man

By Red Herring

Let’s be honest for a second, USC didn’t want Lane Kiffin. Lane Kiffin was not plan A, or B, or who knows how many more letters. Lane Kiffin is not being hired because he is Lane Kiffin. Lane Kiffin is being hired because by hiring little Lane USC gets big Monte, and who also might be my favorite coaching persona in all of sports, Big Ed Orgeron. I could write for days and days about Orgeron. Quite simply, if you were to imagine a big, scary and possibly psychotic football coach the image that would pop into your mind would be Ed Orgeron. Don’t believe me? All you have to do is watch this video to know that everything that is man is Orgeron. That video was shot in one take, because Coach O doesn’t repeat himself. Little known fact: the hummer was not originally designed for the military; instead it was created for the singular purpose of transporting the demigod that is Ed Orgeron. ED ORGERON!!!!

But I digress, back to our story.

If the only thing USC was getting out of this deal was Lane Kiffin there is no way that they would have committed to him. That brings me to my main point. You want this man to be the head ball coach of your rival. Why? Because Lane Kiffin has no fucking idea what he is doing.

Lane Kiffin is completely unqualified to be the head coach at USC. Hell, he wasn’t qualified to be the head coach at Tennessee. The only thing Kiffin managed to do as the Vols head coach was to piss off almost every other coach in the SEC. Lane Kiffin is what we call an interview king, he sells himself well. He sells himself so well that he keeps convincing people to give him millions of dollars to do things that he has no idea how to do. This is a useful skill to have if you’re Lane Kiffin, but a terrible skill to have as a head coach (recruiting being the big exception to this rule). Let’s see what Lane Kiffin has delivered to his employers over the past few years. As Raiders head coach he went a stellar 5-15. Maybe we can rack that up to you know, it being the Raiders. But he managed to turn around Tennessee right? A 7-6 record and a trouncing by Virginia Tech in this bowl game would beg to differ. Is this the resume of a guy who you want as your head football coach? Hell no it isn’t, this is the resume of the guy you want to be coaching your most hated rival. This is the resume of the former football coach who now is the manager of the local IHOP. Yet somehow people keep giving Kiffin chances to stab them in the back. This hire make USC look like they were desperate to find anyone to coach their soon to be heavily sanctioned program. Here is the real question that we should be asking ourselves, if USC is the best job in the country, why the hell is Lane Kiffin the head coach there?

Still, you have to admire the ability of Lane to take one crazy decision by Al Davis and parlay it into two head coaching positions at premier college programs. It is not his fault that people cannot see though his bullshit and into his complete lack of accomplishment. One has to ask if Monte was actually in the room when Lane was born or conceived, because you can’t believe someone as great as Monte Kiffin could produce anything like Lane. Well, unless he was squatting on a toilet. But look on the bright side, more Ed Orgeron coverage!

Yeast Coast Bias: Why the West Coast Will Be A Sideshow in the 2009 MLB Playoffs

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

It will be stunning, really, if any team west of CST makes it past the Wild Card round of the playoffs this year. Truly, this is a safe prediction on my part; as of now, only Los Angeles and California qualifies among those who have clinched a playoff spot. Colorado is perilously close to missing the wildcard, thanks in no small part to a hard charge by the Atlanta Braves, a team that is moving quicker back to relevancy than General Sherman did to Atlanta itself. Should this happen, give all the credit in the world to that pitching staff. While Vazquez, Lowe, and Jurrjens shouldn't be confused with Maddux, Glavine, and Smoltz, their incredible (especially Vazquez) performances this year and of late are the reason Atlanta is making such a push to be part of the postseason. Let us also acknowledge the horse that is Tommy Hanson. It truly is a testament to the Bravos stubbornness/patience to wait until July to recall the kid, as Hanson has won slightly more than every other start since being recalled. He has enough confidence and enough stuff to be a potential 2003 Josh Beckett in the playoffs.

That being said, let us analyze my picks for the A/NLCS games in beer form.


Boston Red Sox & Samuel Adams Octoberfest - Half of America's forced favorite rivalry, the team seems to be getting hot at the right time. This, of course, assumes they clinch with a magic number of 1. If Lester and Beckett maintain their forms of late and Andrew Daisuke Matsuzaka shows the ability he often demonstrated in the Far East Ball, the team will knock off the Angels. The Angels have been vulnerable to the heater this year and, let's face it, are hexed against the Sox in the postseason.


New York Yankees & Brooklyn Pennant Ale '55 - You were expecting someone else? Right now, they'd have to be considered the favorites. The other half of America's forced favorite rivalry, what more really needs to be said about them?



Atlanta Braves and Sweetwater Blue 420 - Call me crazy. I think they not only make the wild card, but also beat the Phillies! I have nothing to back this up, especially since it is possible they won't have a 100 RBI man (McCann is pretty close...), but that pitching staff is lighting it up. They seem to have a 2007 Rockies vibe about them, and that's good enough for me.



St. Louis Cardinals and Busch - Surprised? Don't be. I picked Busch Heavy/Fat, depending on your vernacular, because Fat Albert Pujols is showing all signs of being a robot or just flat-out superhuman. Carpenter and Wainwright, too, have been spectacular and conditions seem right for them to simply waltz back into the World Series.

While I don't pretend to state this is what actually will happen, note that even replacing the Braves with the Rockies still leaves a preponderance of baseball to CST or east. Get ready West Coasters for World Series games at 5 PM.