College Football Year in Review for the Season Starting in '09 and Ending in '10: The Hits, The Misses, and the People That Made Them (Part II)

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

Click here if you missed Part I.

Worst Human Being Alive Strictly Pertaining to College Football - Lane Kiffin. But, you already knew that. Nominations for Worst Human Being Alive Not Strictly Pertaining to College Football are always accepted on a rolling basis.

Worst Makeover - Mark May and his dumb glasses. It's even worse because they are transition lenses. It may help you to know that I do not myself wear glasses, so it is a bit unfair for me to attack him in this regard, but are transition lenses really all that functional? They're at their absolute worst when there's a mid-range of lighting when they look like a partially tinted car window. I would punch people like that in the face, but apparently hitting people in the face while wearing glasses is frowned upon. Pity.

Worst Team - Wazzou! Washington State is a wasteland. About the only thing cool about them is the fact that their alumni have an ongoing challenge to put the Wazzou flag in the background of every College Gameday show. I like how ESPN has become cognizant of it and now actively seeks it out just to keep the streak going and to help them out, but not actually being able to justify a decision to head out that way. That kind of smugness and pretentiousness that ESPN possesses (and in volume) sometimes manifests itself in hilarious ways like that.

Worst Way to Tell Your Boss That You're Going on Vacation - Urban Meyer's "Leave of Absence" that nearly caused everyone in Gainesville's head to a splode.

Worst Omen for a New Head Coach - Tennessee barking (no pun intended) up the same tree that just bit them. Upon the hiring of Derek Dooley (son of former National Champion Buttsniffer HC Vince Dooley) as their new HC, your esteemed author noted that hiring a well-respected (in some circles) coach's son was the same way that Tennessee football got snakebitten the last time. Of course, I doubt this time it will end as poorly, but Derek Dooley may never get a fair shake if the NCAA finds that the University of Tennessee committed recruiting violations under LK.

Worst Week - Wondy Pierre-Louis, former Gators CB. First, his entire family was wiped out in the Haiti quake. Then, they weren't. Then, four felonies allegedly happen. Rough week for Mr. Pierre-Louis. Not to poke fun at an admittedly awful situation, but your author suggests that if Mr. Pierre-Louis' girlfriend would have run a sluggo route, she would have left Wondy in the dust.

And just to chiggity-check myself...

Worst Previous Prediction by Iroquois Plisken - Most of my bowl game predictions. I would have been better off flipping coins this year.


So ends the college football season of analysis. In a couple of weeks (Feb. 3d, precisely), I will bring an analysis of winners and losers on National Signing Day, which should be called National The First Official Day Recruits Can Officially Sign With A School But Really Are Not Bound By Any Sort of Force To Do So But Amazingly Continue in Said Manner for Several Years Day, but that doesn't look good on a t-shirt or on an on-screen ticker.

College Football Year in Review for the Season Starting in '09 and Ending in '10: The Hits, The Misses, and the People That Made Them (Part I)

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

As my favorite sport draws to a close for another year, it's time that I ask of you, the reader, to bundle up (even in sunny Florida as I type this, it is 18 degrees), kick back in your favorite easy chair (making sure not to disrupt what I am sure is nothing short of an architectural marvel of cheap beer cans), and reminisce with me about the recently ended season. But before I get going, a thought.

Slate has already mentioned it in this space before, but I would again like to post in this space how truly terrible I feel for Colt McCoy. To go down in the beginning minutes of your ultimate game (dual meanings emphasized) is nothing short of sickening, in a la-vita-e-bella kind of way. You really feel for the kid, who by all accounts was dying to get back in the game (as we have come to expect in football), especially when the post-game interview with Sr. McCoy procudes tear-jerkers like this (H/T Bruce Feldman's mailbag. Since it's ESPN Insider, I can't link it, but I do want to just lift a direct quote from Mr. McCoy)

"He looked up at me and said, 'Dad, I had 'em. I had 'em. I knew everything they were doing before they did it. I was fixin' to complete every pass I was going to throw tonight...[w]hy'd this have to happen?'"

I'm not a father yet (or that I know of...), but apparently the days of your son asking you why something happened the way it did, much like a seven year old asks why beloved pet Spike won't be coming home from the vet, never ends.

Having gotten that off of my chest, it's time to delve into what the title speaks: highlights and lowlights from the year gone by. This will take two parts, so I think I'll split them into two columns: best and worst of the year. This one shall be entitled "Best".

Best Player - This has nothing to do with the H---man vote, though I do think it would help to at least mention it. I would posit, as I have previously, that Ndamukong Suh was far and away the best player in college football, though. 82 tackles credited, 47 of them solo, and 12 sacks for his position is simply incredible. We will really never know if it was just weak offensive lines he played against, but my guess is that it would have mattered very little. He's going to be an immediate impact player in the NFL, but for now, he must be content to know that he had a stellar year, ended his career at Nebraska on a high note, and although he could have been in a BCS Bowl if the game had been decided properly, he must hold his head high for garnering so much momentum for Nebraska that Slate fears their revival. As we all do, Slate, as we all do.

Best Teams - I actually can't pinpoint a team that was far and away the best this year. There's Alabama, obviously, but given another whack at it, I bet Florida could put them away. Boise State did go undefeated and, might I add, beat the eventual Pac-1o champion in Week One. I would be remiss if I didn't consider the tremendous fortitude that Connecticut showed after the untimely and tragic death of their comrade. As always, Florida is my team and after their performance in the Sugar Bowl leads this writer to wonder, "What if...?". We saw how close Texas was to defeating Alabama without Colt McCoy, holding the "vaunted" Bama offense to just 116 yards in the second half. There were many deserving teams this year, and I opt not to pick one, but note that those teams, I feel, were noteworthy.

Best Foils - The Big Ten and Lane Kiffin (tie). I must admit, I had a great time picking on the Big Ten this year, and they actually did decently enough. Ohio State played Oregon extremely well (a game I was nearly positive Oregon would win) and Terrelle Pryor made some great progress this year. He needs to continue improving next year, but the fact that strides were made after the playbook was simplified shows that a) he's living up to some of the hype that he once had and b) that he's still a ways from being a really elite option. Take heart, Jeff the Commenter. Your team looks, on paper, like a real contender for the MNC of this upcoming season.

I also don't need to go into great detail about Kiffin because I hate wasting precious energy on that cretin, but he has made it fun, and occasionally tiring, to hate Tennessee. His assistants are already bolting on him (in particular, Eddie Gran--though now at FSU--will probably follow Tuberville to TTech and Petey Pie Carroll will probably poach Coach O and his Hummer). It will be fun to have some great meaning again behind beatdowns of the ones donning the Prison Work Release Orange.

Most Entertaining Non-Bowl Games - Boise/Oregon (Wk 1), Alabama/TN (Week 8), Iowa's Comeback Kid Victories (lots of Weeks), Stanford/Oregon (Week 10), LSU/Mississippi (Week 12), The Iron Bowl (Week 13), Big XII Championship

Most Entertaining Bowl Game - Roady's Humanitarian (Bowling Green/Idaho---seriously!) Favorite moment was when Idaho coach Robb Akey (an Iroquois favorite) told people to tune into the second half while staring into the camera with his Stan Van Gundy-esque raspy voice. If anyone has that video, I'd like to see it. Classic. While FreshSportsDaily seems to think the media is pressing for a feel-good story so they jump on the Akey bandwagon, as a non-media member, I can tell you as just an average football fan, I enjoy the hell out of Robb Akey and would not be surprised to see this guy getting looks for a higher profile gig in a couple of years.

Best Demise - Southern California. The spectre of Reggie Bush, O.J. Mayo, and one of the shadiest ADs in college football may decimate that program if the NCAA has its way. Wait, what am I saying? SoCal is a golden calf. It probably won't get sacrificed, but it is difficult to say that nothing will happen to them, especially given that the Reggie Bush trial for breach of contract to his agent is moving forward. Pete Carroll leaving would have to be crushing news, I think. If Carroll gets called as a witness in this trial and knows anything at all about Bush's sweetened pots, he no longer has to defend his employer, given that he and AD Mike Garrett are not on the best of terms. Reports say that Pete, much like former Men's BB HC Tim Floyd, felt abandoned by Garrett when times got tough. Jim Alexander chimes in with similar sentiment.

I think that will do, for now. If I think of any miscellany that I want added in, I will throw it in with the second part.