2010 World Cup Group H Breakdown and Final Thoughts

by Slate Quicksilver

Group H rounds out this year’s version of the World Cup and frankly, it’s a little “blah.” Juggernaut Spain is the team on the marquee while Chile is glad to be back. Switzerland is still angry about their 2006 campaign and Honduras is just as surprised as you are that they are here. Let’s knock out this last group.

Chile

Chile disappeared from the world scene after 1998 thanks to tough luck qualifying and a lack of talent. This time around, they sent a resounding message that they are back, racking up 33 points in qualifying, missing the top spot by one point. This is something to be alerted to, as this team was the youngest of all CONMEBOL teams and it stole 16 of their points on the road. Scoring is rarely a problem for La Roja, especially with striker Humberto Suazo up front, who tore up the net 10 times in qualifying. Attacking and attacking this order, that means that the defense gets stretched. Playing teams like Switzerland and Spain, who can afford to sit and wait (Switzerland would prefer to wait), this could be an issue. In the end, we could see Chile hold their own against the Swiss and play Honduras in a shootout. But Spain will give them fits.

Honduras

If not for the fact that the US bailed them out with a late equalizing goal against Costa Rica, Honduras would have had to go to the playoff and may not have qualified. But that did happen, so Honduras is here. Qualifying saw them beat Mexico handily at home, which was good, but it also showed bad: a 1-1 draw in Trinidad almost killed their chances. Honduras has a few bullets in the gun to help them in Carlos Pavon and Wilson Palacios, of Tottenham fame. This team loves to play quick and loves to attack constantly. Like Chile, this leads to problems at the back. Getting out the group will be tough, but not completely impossible… it all depends on the game against Chile, which should be pretty fun to watch.

Spain

There isn’t much to say about Spain that hasn’t been said. They are the #2 team in the world and has only lost once in the last couple of years (to the US, oddly). They play the beautiful game that Brazil wishes they could play, they have all of the talent Italy and England wishes would play in their country’s leagues and they have the swagger a team like Germany or Argentina dreams of having. Spain is a favorite in this tournament by many, this author included. Spain eviscerated their opponents in qualifying winning all 10 games and only conceding 5 goals along the way. Picking one star on this team to watch is essentially spinning a wheel and picking whoever it lands on, so we’ll avoid that as it basically is an all star team. Spain will probably crush Honduras, beat Chile and maybe have a touch of trouble with the defensive minded Swiss, but this team will have no trouble getting through to the knockout stages.

Switzerland

Soccer is a game, like other games, wherein if a team does not give up a goal during a game, they should never lose. That is only slightly true as the Swiss did not concede a goal during the 2006 World Cup, yet they were knocked out of the tournament in the Round of 16 by the Ukraine (They lost on penalties). Thus, the Swiss are in South Africa looking to improve despite playing by the rules of the game. Qualifying was a bit of a rollercoaster: they started with a draw in Israel and a home defeat to Luxembourg for some reason but they would go on to win 5 in a row and they would win their group with a 0-0 draw with Israel at home. The Swiss do have a few solid players in Tranquillo Barnetta and Alexander Frei and they could do some damage. But the Swiss play a very slow and compressed version of the game. While this will give Honduras and Chile trouble, Spain will likely tear it apart with their short passing game.

Predicted Tables:
Spain 3-0-0
Chile 1-1-1
Switzerland 1-1-1
Honduras 0-3-0

So, whose going to win the whole thing? Here’s the Knockout stages as I see them:
Round of 16
France (A1) vs Nigeria (B2)…………………..Nigeria
Argentina (B1) vs Uruguay (A2)……………Argentina
England (C1) vs Ghana (D2)………………….England
Germany (D1) vs USA (C2)……………………Germany
Netherlands (E1) vs Paraguay (F2)……….Netherlands
Italy (F1) vs Denmark (E2)…………………….Denmark
Brazil (G1) vs Chile (H2)………………………..Brazil
Spain (H1) vs Portugal (G2)…………………..Spain
Quarterfinals
Nigeria vs Argentina………………………………Argentina
England vs Germany………………………………England
Netherlands vs Denmark………………………..Netherlands
Brazil vs Spain…………………………………………..Brazil
Semifinals
Argentina vs England………………………………..England
Netherlands vs Brazil….……………………………Brazil
Finals
England vs Brazil……………………………………..Brazil

Brazil is going win the whole thing, folks. Yes, it’s a very vanilla pick. But now that they’ve ditched the beautiful game aspect of their game and are playing seriously, they are going to torch this competition. I’m sticking to my guns with my former predictions, but I would like to make a few last minute flipflops and assertions:

France probably won’t go 3-0-0 in their group… their coach is insane.

Speaking of insane coaches, although I have Argentina going to the quarterfinals, but they just as easily could go nowhere. Maradona is like a monkey at the wheel of a Ferrari.

Brazil’s triumph and Spain’s fall will show that the beautiful game is dead.

Africa’s next world cup will ban the vuvuzela.

Nigeria will be Africa’s great hope because Ivory Coast will be at 80% health, Ghana is at 75% health, Cameroon is in a tough group and South Africa doesn’t stand a chance. Oh, and Algeria? Ha!

The US likely will beat Slovenia in a close game and will probably have more trouble than they should against Algeria. But realistically England will torch the US’s soft defense. If they go to the Round of 16, Germany will torch them even more.

2010 World Cup Group G Breakdown

By Slate Quicksilver

Without much argument, Group G is the group of death in this installment of the World Cup. Superpowers Brazil and Portugal are on top of this group going in, while African power Ivory Coast would probably look to easily qualify in any other group. Then there is the unknown quantity of the “Democratic People’s Republic” of Korea, or as you know it, the “Bad Korea.” No team is guaranteed to get out alive.

Brazil

Much has been made of the 180 degree turn around that the Brazilians have experienced these past four years. Not in terms of results (they are still a top 3 team in the world), but in terms of play. The beautiful game appears to be dead in Brazil. New coach Dunga stresses the physical defense and a murderous counterattack that has turned a Samba beat to a military drum corps. Certain players, Ronaldihno and Robinho, for example, were left off in favor of players who play into Dunga’s mold. Those players are world class, but are known to be ball hogs and perform needless fancy moves… thus they are gone. The country is now torn: some yearn for the old beautiful days, others believe this is an even stronger team. How Brazil performs at the 2010 World Cup will plot the path for the next generation of Brazilian superstars. Three goalless performances in front of the home crowd during qualifying lead to vicious headlines in hometown newspapers. But really, that was only a blip on the radar as the Selecao easily won the CONMEBOL group. When mentioning names, Kaka (hehe), Gilberto Silva and Luis Fabiano are the big names, but the applause should be reserved for the backline with Juan and Maicon. Those two defenders can breakdown any attack thrown their way with little trouble. Brazil opens against North Korea and finishes with Portugal. They probably will have already qualified by the time they get to the third game and probably won’t care about the game against Portugal. 1982 Germany-Austria Non Aggression Pact of Gijon part 2, anyone?

Ivory Coast

It was heartbreaking to see Didier Drogba, Ivory Coast’s golden child, go down in the last qualifier against Japan with a broken arm. In 2006 Drogba was able to go in front of cameras and get his country, on the brink of civil war, to come to end of hostilities. He would later secure a qualifying game in the northern (and considerably more dangerous) part of the country on rebel territory just to show to his own country that they are unified. He looks to build hospitals in his country and truly has a passion for it. In addition to being a world class person, he is a world class player. That’s why his injury is so disheartening. He might play, but there is no guarantee. Yes, it’s true that arms are not 100% necessary for this sport, it’s not like he is playing a throwaway game in Zimbabwe (terrible joke). The good news is that his fellow teammates are very very good as well. Salomon Kalou is a dangerous striker while Yaya Toure and Didier Zokora make up a potent midfield. Their backline, all of them, plays in Europe somewhere. The Ivory Coast easily qualified to the World Cup, so success looked imminent until they got placed in the group of death. Without Drogba, unfortunately, getting out of the group stage looks very unlikely.

North Korea:

In today’s world of instant knowledge and information being sent around the globe in half a second with television cameras and phone cameras everywhere, it’s rather funny that most people know absolutely nothing about North Korea’s soccer team. Geopolitics aside (frankly we don’t know much about the country itself, either), North Korea’s soccer team has seen a sharp rise in their stock. North Korea started qualifying at the complete bottom of Asian qualifying, unlike Australia or Japan who got byes out of the first couple of rounds. North Korea crushed Mongolia in the first round, got a bye for second round, came in second behind South Korea in the third round, and in the final round came in second (again) behind South Korea (again). Considering North Korea was seeded behind Kuwait and Uzbekistan while being only slightly ahead of Hong Kong (yes they have a team apparently) and Tajikistan (yes it's a country), this is a commendable accomplishment. Now they are rewarded by getting to play in the group of death. Defense is the word of the day (everyday) with the Chollima, and all things considered, they do a pretty good job. They tied Greece 2-2, so that’s good. I guess. They also have the “Wayne Rooney of Asia”, Jong Tae-Se. That’s about it in terms of knowledge on this team. So, will the Dear Leader be celebrating their team getting out of the group of death? Absolutely not. They are going to get run over.

Portugal:

Portugal was very close to complete embarrassment during qualifying. Denmark ran away with the group while Hungary looked solid enough to steal the second group sending Sweden and Portugal into the wilderness. But then Portugal slowly turned it on and got into second place behind the Danes. Portugal drew Bosnia and Herzegovina in the UEFA playoff and won 1-0 both times. That highlights, perhaps, the issue with Portugal. They had an easy qualifying group, but looked disinterested at times. A 3-2 loss at home to Denmark wherein the Danes scored all three goals in the last 10 minutes illustrates that fact. They finally got it together, but it took longer than expected. Well now they are in the group of death and will fight for their lives from start to finish. Cristiano Ronaldo is the highest paid player in the world, so expectations are high on him, but it is the backline where success is mandatory. The whole world knows that Portugal is a team that flops and acts as though they were shot in the knee with a shotgun any time they are challenged. Their midfielders fall down regularly against a stiff headwind hoping for to draw the yellow against the low pressure system in the region. They are, without a doubt, the slimiest players in this tournament… even more than the Italians… and we can only hope a meteor destroys their practice facility. (Ed note: Some of those last few sentences were unedited opinions made by Slate. He hates them with a passion. We’ll just go to the predicted tables.)

Predicted Tables:

Brazil 2-0-1

Portugal 1-1-1 (+2 GD)

Ivory Coast 1-1-1 (+1 GD)

North Korea 0-2-1

NCAA Mega Conference Predictions: An Absurdist POV

by Slate Quicksilver

In case you missed it (and how could you if you've watched any more than 3 seconds of ESPN), the Pac10 is looking into absorbing what is effectively the Big12 south. This news came from so far out of the blue that scientists believe it originated in the ultraviolet part of the spectrum (/physics joke). The Pac10 wants Texas, Texas and Texas, but has to "settle" with taking the other Texas schools, minus Baylor (...maybe), Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and Colorado. Colorado has been harped upon by the Pac10 for a while, and Texas is the jewel that the Pac10 has their eyes on. But the Texas state legislature, of all people, seem to be forcing Texas's cousins (TTech and TAMU) along with them. Oklahoma comes along, and brings Okie doke State just to appease rivalries' sake. Basically it all boils down to money, money and money and the Big12 might be in trouble. Let's not forget the Big10 is looking to yoink Nebraska, Mizzou and maybe possibly Rutgers. In the end, we could be looking for a merging into mega conferences to the point where the BCS turns into the WWF and we'll see Ohio State and Texas play for the Intercontinental Title in a cage match with a guest referee (Macho Man Randy Savage is attached for the first match).

Looking into the crystal ball, here is approximately what will happen:

Step 1: The Pac10 will absorb Texas, Texas Tech, Texas A&M, Colorado, Oklahoma and OK. State. Now the Pac10 is the Pac16.

Step 2: Not to be outdone, the Big10 decides to scoop up Nebraska, Missouri, Rutgers, Pittsburgh and... bom bom bommmmmmm... Notre Dame. The Big10 becomes the Big15, because they are mathematically challenged.

Step 3: The remaining bits and pieces of the Big12 (Kansas, Kansas State, Iowa State and Baylor) all have a heartfelt meeting and decide to go their separate ways. The entire state of Kansas comes out and admits that basketball is really their sport and that they never liked football anyway and their teams will fold. Baylor follows suit, making their track team even better than it traditionally has been. Iowa State folds their football team but no one notices.

Step 4: The Big East, stung by their loss of Rutgers, folds up shop and decides that basketball is really their thing. There will be no more football from any of those schools and then they go and pluck Kansas and Kansas State up from the cold cold wilderness that they were cast out into. Iowa State and Baylor join C-USA.

Step 5: The SEC, sitting calmly the entire time, finally decides to strike back. But its a tactical nuclear strike of strikes. The SEC takes Miami, FSU, USF and Georgia Tech.

Step 6: The ACC, realizing that they just got punked similar to how they punked the Big East in the early part of the decade, tries to make amends with the Big East. The Big East laughs them off.

Step 7: The Mountain West and WAC merge. The BCS commissioners recommend that they join the Canadian Football League stating "it's the only way you'll be able to play for a championship."

Step 8: Congress tells the 3 superconferences to share revenue and let the smaller guys play. The 3 heads of the superconferences reply with: "Congress had made their decision. Now let them enforce it." They then start a political party.

Step 9: After only 2 months of campaigning and leading his team to a 11-2 record, Mack Brown is elected the 45th president of the U.S carrying every state containing a team from one of the 3 superconferences.

Step 10: Civil War

Step 11: After a protracted battle, the superconferences subdue the rebel states and sell them to Canada or Mexico.

Step 12: The NFL is disbanded as per the 29th Amendment to the Constitution. (#28: No excessive endzone celebrations)

Step 13: Using their incredible power and money, the superconferences use their new space program to build a giant space platform with which to destroy their enemies and enforce their laws and peace over their dominion. Only it's not a platform, its a sphere... a star, if you will.

More Reasons Why Western Civililzation is Collapsing

by Slate Quicksilver

Busy day today with many goings ons, but this needs to be shared:

http://news.nationalpost.com/2010/06/01/win-a-soccer-game-by-more-than-five-points-and-you-lose-ottawa-league-says/

You don't even have to read the article, the URL says it all. If you win a game by more than five points in this league in Canada, you lose. I could spend 5,000 words deriding the wimp-ification of this generation of children just as easily as I could go on about how many thing are wrong with this action being taken by that league.

Here it is boiled down to a simple concise thought: In the real world, there is no rule that says you can't lose by more than five points! Ask these guys. In this league, the oil spill would be suspended for at least 2 games. The world is not sunshine and lollipops and Western Civilization's march toward the middle is perfectly represented by this, tee ball leagues that don't keep score and people who try to ban the use of words. When these kids make it to middle school, bullies will not stop administering wedgies on the grounds of "fairness" or "compassion."

Point is, if you want to know why the center of the world has shifted to the far east in about 15 years, it's because kids in this league figured they'd share with the Chinese for a few years thinking that the Chinese will be happy to give us back control when it's our turn.

2010 World Cup Group E Breakdown

By Slate Quicksilver

Group E is a group that is a near mirror image to Group D. There is a juggernaut coupled with two very solid teams and a wild card that could easily surprise the world scene. The Netherlands is the marquis team in this group. But European wunderkinds Denmark, soccer/track team Cameroon and Asian regulars Japan look to muddy this group prognostication up.

Cameroon:

Of all African nations, Cameroon has the most successful history. The Indomitable Lions stormed onto the World Cup scene in 1990, going all the way to the quarterfinals where a late Italian goal kept them from the semifinals. In total they have qualified five times, more than any other African nation. In qualifying, Cameroon cruised with style. In the final stage, they lost their first game to Togo and won four of their last five games. In those games, they only surrendered two goals. For their effort, FIFA has ranked them the highest of all African teams (#19 in the World). Samuel Eto’o is their best known player. He is their captain and is well known in European circles for torching every opponent, particularly La Liga opponents where he scored more than 100 goals in five seasons with Barcelona. He currently is destroying the Italian league, Serie A, with Internazionale where he has 12 goals in 32 games. But Cameroon will need more than him against defensive minded Denmark and all around awesome Netherlands. Cameroon has a few youngsters who can add some firepower, but in truth, it will be up to the defense to stop the Netherlands’s all out attack and Denmark’s counterattack. A win of over Japan is likely while a loss against the Netherlands is likely. Denmark v. Cameroon will be their tournament in a nutshell.

Denmark: (Ed note: Slate is a Denmark fan).

The Danish Dynamite exploded onto the scene in 1986 going to the quarterfinals in Mexico, then in 1992 they shocked the European continent by winning the Euro Cup with style. Then in 1998 and 2002, the Danes easily made it out of group play, in 1998 they went to the quarterfinals where they unfortunately met up with Brazil. Perhaps “dynamite” is a perfect word, because in between those successes is stretches of complete nothingness. They didn’t qualify in 1990 or 1994, and then in 2006 they did not qualify for the World Cup and they even missed out on the 2008 Euro Cup (but so did the British…). Well, the year is 2010 and Denmark is back. In qualifying, they seemed to be behind the eight ball, stuck behind Portugal and Sweden in UEFA Group 1. But the Danes would go on to beat Portugal in Lisbon and beat Sweden both times giving them the upper hand in qualifying (they only lost once). It would wind up being Portugal fighting for their qualifying life while Sweden was left to sit at home. Denmark’s Captain Jon Dahl Tomasson (my man) leads the attack, but it is younger players like Daniel Agger and Nicklas Bendtner would will decide the tournament. Sadly, the Danes do not have Peter Schmeichel , their other worldly goalie who anchored the team during its greatest successes (Ed note: Schmeichel is Slate’s favorite player of all time) with his hot temper and ultra aggressive goaltending style. Denmark will likely dispatch Japan, but if any team can give the Netherlands trouble, it would be the defensive minded Danes. A win against Japan and Cameroon is a must.

Japan:

Since 1998, Japan has been a World Cup mainstay. However, the Blue Samurai had true success only once, in 2002 in front of their home crowd where they went to the Round of 16. Japan is not a team to be underestimated, but we will do so anyway. Japan’s largest problem is firepower and weak qualifying. The lack of a true goal scorer will be a huge problem for the Japanese. With Australia as the only true power in their way, Japan easily qualified, but that was thanks to qualifying against the likes of Oman, Thailand, Uzbekistan and Bahrain (not exactly powerhouses). Dead ball specialist Shunsuke Nakamura, formerly of Rangers in Scotland, is their best option for a hero. But playing the likes of the Netherlands, Cameroon and Denmark will require more than one or two players. Japan will have to pitch a perfect game and hit a home run just to win one game. Japan likely will have trouble scoring against Denmark’s tight defense and will have trouble dealing with the athleticism of Cameroon and the Netherlands. Drawing a point will be a victory for the nation, but his team is fading.

The Netherlands:

The Netherlands are set for their typical World Cup run thanks to a multitude of talent and a great run through qualifying. How great? They didn’t lose or draw a single game in qualifying and they only surrendered 2 goals in the eight games of qualifying. It is true that their toughest competition was Scotland and Norway, but it is hard to ignore how well this team did on the road to South Africa. The Oranje have quickly reloaded with talent seeing Ruud van Nistelrooy and Edwin van der Saar hang up their cleats and but they brought in Nigel de Jong, Wesley Sneijder and several other big time young players. Despite all of their success, the Oranje haven’t won the whole thing before. They came in second twice, and fourth in 1998. With the success and talent they have, a trip to the finals is their aim. Their offense is blistering and their defense proved to be better than expected. A wild card factor here is the Dutch going to South Africa. The Dutch have a huge history in South Africa and playing in front of a second home cannot be overlooked. Denmark will be a tough first draw, but Japan can be a stabilizing game. Playing Cameroon to finish group play could be an afterthought. They should easily win the group.

Predicted Table:

Netherlands 2-0-1

Denmark 2-0-1

Cameroon 1-2-0

Japan 0-3-0

2010 World Cup Group D Breakdown

by Slate Quicksilver

If Group G is considered the Group of Death, Group D is a relatively close second in that category. Germany anchors the group along with African power Ghana, “Asian” strongmen (in a geographic mystery to be solved later in this breakdown) Australia and an improving Serbia. Germany looks to be the leader in the clubhouse, but second place will be a dogfight between three very good teams.

Australia:

Australia cruised through Asian qualifying surrendering only 4 goals in 12 games. If you are wondering why Australia, generally considered to be its own continent, didn’t play in its qualifying and instead plays in Asia, the answer is simple. Fed up with having to play playoff after playoff and just barely getting edged by a CONCACAF or CONMEBOL team, Australia decided to move to a more powerful Federation where doing well meant qualification. (Note to all other teams in Oceania: Do the same. Our secret dream of a Tahiti – Vanuatu Cup Final in 2034 could come to fruition…) 2006 was the Socceroos first foray into the World Cup in more than 30 years and they did quite well. Australia beat Japan handily, lost to Brazil and tied Croatia. They went on to the Round of 16 and lost to Italy in a very very controversial 1-0 Italian win wherein the Italian player, Fabio Grosso, clearly took a dive inside the Australian penalty box. The ensuing penalty kick was converted and Italy moved on (Ed. Note: It was seriously a complete joke. American sport fans can relate this to Don Denkinger blowing the call in the ’85 World Series. If you need more a reason to hate the Italians, that is one of many). Australia has a few world class players including Tim Cahill, Brett Emerton and goalie Mark Schwarzer is one of the finest backstops in the world. Australia will need a great deal of skill and luck to get out of this group, making the match against Serbia to close the group extremely important.

Germany:

Germany obliterated all in their path to the World Cup this time around, save for 2 games against Finland. Those two games were ties, and were relative puzzling, seeing as how Germany crushed the rest of the group with style and ease. Along the way, they even defeated Russia on Russian turf to give them their first loss on home soil in Cup qualifying ever. The Germans bring in several big time players to the table. Superstars Michael Ballack and Miroslav Klose bring the firepower at the front end, while Philip Lahm will man the defense. The only question mark hanging over the Germans is how they will deal with this group. There is no easy game in this group, unlike in 2002 or 2006. 2002 gave Die Mannschaft a group of Ireland, Cameroon and Saudi Arabia; all of whom they dealt with easily. 2006 saw them play against lower end teams such as Costa Rica and Ecuador, and they were at home. 2010, as mentioned before does not yield a cake-like substance of a group. Winning the group is the most likely scenario, but Australia and Ghana are not to be trifled and Serbia won their group over France in qualifying, which is no small feat. Germany will not be able to take a minute off in this group, and if they don’t, winning the group will be the prize.

Ghana:

If there is an up-and-coming team in the World, it is Ghana. This is only their second trip to the tournament, but they have been soaring in other parts of the game. They won the FIFA U-20 World Cup in 2009 and have numerous players abroad playing, and starting, for some of the biggest clubs in Europe. Despite two awkward losses to Gabon and Libya earlier in qualifying, the Black Stars qualified easily in African qualifying. Michael Essien anchors the star studded lineup at midfield while Matthew Amoah and Junior Agogo (awesome name) light up the nets on the attack with regularity. Goalie Richard Kingson looks to be the man who will either clinch or kill Ghana’s chances to get out of this group as he will be busy fighting off the impressive attacks of the rest of the group. Experience is something that Ghana has in spades. In Germany 2006, Ghana was the youngest team (avg. age: 24). Many of those players return. This experience will be a necessary commodity in this group. For Ghana to qualify, they must come out swinging. They don’t play Germany until the last day of group play. An already qualified German team could help a Ghanaian team who will need to win at least one game against Australia or Serbia, and then tie the other team.

Serbia:

Yugoslavia, as the maps show, does not exist anymore. In its wake, two teams qualified for the 2010 World Cup: Slovenia and Serbia (Bosnia and Herzegovina lost 2-0 agg. to Portugal in the UEFA playoffs). To bring this statement home, Serbia did not have a team of its own until late 2006. It took no time at all to get back to the success that Yugoslavia had for decades. The Beli Orlovi bumped Group 7 favorite France without even beating them (0-1-1) by playing stellar defense and winning five straight games in the qualifying stage. Considering the short amount of time Serbia had for this, it was a wonderful victory for the country as France was forced into the playoff against Ireland while their home team got to sit at home and watch the French cheat their way slip past the Irish. Fueling the great defense is Man U’s Nemanja Vidic, who was the 2008-09 English Premier League’s player of the season. Success is certainly not guaranteed, however. Winning their group was impressive, but Ghana cruised their group, Australia didn’t break a sweat and Germany could have played on one foot and still qualified thus getting out of this group will be a great challenge. Likely, a loss is going to be delivered by Germany, but the game against Ghana and Australia is going to be their tournament. A win over Australia could happen, but a rapidly improving Ghana may be a tough matchup.

Predicted Tables:

Germany 2-0-1

Ghana 1-0-2

Australia 0-1-2

Serbia 0-2-1

Why it's hard to hate Ozzie Guillen

by Slate Quicksilver

Goodness knows he says a great deal of stupid things, and he manages his team similar to how a belligerent drunk who watches the game at a bar would, but he'll always have a place in my heart for bring the overly animated 3rd base coach for the Marlins in 2003.

Oh, and he regularly does stuff like this:



Thanks Ozzie (and the Dan LeBatard Show for the pic) for signing a ball for a Cleveland Indians fan last night (Chicago is in the Cleve) with a wonderfully dickish, yet hilarious, message. The "LoL" takes it from great to borderline legendary.

2010 World Cup Group C Breakdown

Group C, on paper, looks to be have the biggest difference between the “haves” and “have nots.” Soccer superpower England is the marquis team in the group and World Cup regular the United States will look to get out of the group stage, but the other two teams, Slovenia and Algeria promise to make the group interesting.

Algeria:

The Desert Foxes (a very cool name) were the most dominant team in Africa during the 1980s. They qualified in 1982 and even upset West Germany 2-1. What followed was one of the worst acts ever done in the tournament’s history, when in the last game of the groups stage, Germany and Austria played each other. A 1-0 win by Germany would ensure that they would go to the group stage with Austria, who already clinched their spot. That is exactly what happened with Austria giving up an easy early goal 10 minutes in followed by 80 minutes of enthusiastic passing and kicking the ball out of bounds. In 1986, Algeria went to the World Cup again but was stuck in a group with Brazil and Spain. It did not go well for them. Unfortunately this year’s installment, Algeria disappeared from the world scene becoming a cellar dweller in Africa. Making the Cup in Africa isn’t what it used to be, it is very challenging to do so and Algeria should be commended for qualifying, but to qualify, Algeria needed to play a tiebreaker with Egypt to make it in. They won every game at home, but they were less than stellar on the road. Unfortunately for the Desert Foxes, the World Cup is not being played in Algeria. They look to have trouble against England and the US and will race Slovenia for last in the group.

England:

New coach Fabio Capello looks to have his squad more than ready to come into the 2010 World Cup with success in mind. In qualifying, they lit up opposing teams in their group for a UEFA zone high total of 34 goals in ten games. They only lost once, to the Ukraine, well after they had qualified. The group stage was kind the Three Lions, with their biggest competition in the group being the US. England has no shortage of incredible players. Names like Rooney, Lampard and Gerrard will certainly be the cornerstones of the English effort names like Jermaine Defoe could be the X factor who could spearhead their success. The only concern is recent play on the big stage. Putting it lightly, they have underwhelmed at world’s biggest tournament. They haven’t won a Cup since 1966, when they hosted it, and in 2002 and 2006, they fizzled out in the quarterfinals (though in 2006, terrible officiating may have helped that). There is a great deal of pressure, as always, on this team. And recent events with a certain player and a certain player’s wife (and certain goings ons) may have lead to instability. Getting to the round of 16 should be no problem. Taking out Algeria and Slovenia should be easy tasks, and the opening game against the United States will likely decide the group winner.

Slovenia:

Considering before 1991, Slovenia did not have a team at all, they should be applauded for making the Tournament for the second time. They should be applauded even more for taking out solid teams like the Czech Republic, Poland and Russia along the way. To get by Russia, they needed to play a 2 leg series with the Russians and beat them on away goals. They scored one in Moscow late in the game, and then shut out the Russians at home giving an aggregate of 2-2, but with Slovenia scoring the coveted away goal. This shouldn’t be so surprising considering how they qualified. Slovenia gave up an amazing 4 goals in all of qualifying. This stalwart defense is what they will rely on in South Africa for success. And they will be called upon playing against England’s strong attack and the US’s athletes. Despite their impressive route to qualification, it is unlikely that they will perform well enough to get by England of the United States. But a victory against Algeria would not be at all surprising.

United States:

The United States, in 2006, had an incredible amount of promise going into the World Cup. They had a top 10 FIFA ranking, but got places in the group of death. A crushing loss to the Czechs followed by a tough loss to Ghana lead to their early exit. Success on the international stage is crucial, many people believe, for the United States to finally embrace the sport as it is embraced abroad. Success in 2010 is tangible, but not guaranteed. The Stars and Stripes cruised through qualifying, but with Mexico being the only other power in the region, this was no surprise. Players going over to Europe to play have brought back solid play and have raised the level of play of their team. The 2009 Confederations Cup saw the US bring down #1 in the world Spain and then almost take away first place until Brazil mounted a massive comeback. What is usually the problem for the team is scoring. The team plays a physical brand on defense but has issues putting the ball in the back of the net. Playing teams like Slovenia and England will not help fix that fact. A win over Algeria should come, and a win against Slovenia could come if patience is shown. The game against England, on June 12^th to open their campaign will be a tough start. Playing intelligently could lead to a draw. Drawing with England would be hailed almost as victory and building on that momentum could see a run deep into the tournament. Or they could do what they did in 2006 and lay an egg. Patriotic feelings are stirring to hope for the first option.

Predicted Tables:

England 2-0-1

United States 2-0-1

Slovenia 1-2-0

Algeria 0-3-0