Old(er), Unathletic Folks Throw Complete Game Shut Out, Blank Harvey Dent 9-0

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

[Note: nothing in this article should be considered to be legal advice of any sort. It is merely the recitation of an opinion held by the author about a current event.]

Okay, so I know a while ago we posted that there would not be any more politics on the site. Well, this isn't so much about partisan politics as it is about something that's happened this morning.

Today, the Supreme Court unanimously ruled in favor of American Needle, Inc. in their lawsuit against the NFL. If you're not familiar, here's a brief summary. American Needle makes hats with logos on them (they are licensed). The NFL gives Reebok exclusive rights in 2001 for making hats (among other things). American Needle sues under the Sherman Anti-Trust Act S 1 & 2, alleging that all 32 teams are acting in conspiracy to monopolize the licenses. American Needle loses. They appeal. They lose again. American Needle and the NFL both appeal to the SCOTUS, ANI seeking a reversal and the NFL seeking the coveted anti-trust exemption, possessed currently by only Major League Baseball (at least in the sports world). They bicker. Judges listen. They rule. And today, they publish.

Put legally, we have the question

"...whether an arrangement is a contract, combination, or conspiracy is different from and antecedent to the question whether it unreasonably restrains trade." American Needle, Inc. v. National Football League, 560 U.S. ____ (2010).

Put more simplier, are NFL teams able to engage in anti-trust behavior (because 32 entities are acting in concert to restrict licensing) or are they a solitary, unified business that does not compete with each other (in terms of trying to get market share, revenues, etc), but with outside leagues?

Apparently, the former. The NFL had a reasonable position, at any rate. They argued that nothing was being done differently than what happens in the NFLPA's collective bargaining agreements (I think...). Also, just because there is evidence of acting in concert doesn't make something a monopoly. In fact, there is a heightened pleading standard when it comes to anti-trust cases like these. "When allegations of parallel conduct are set out in order to make a [section] 1 claim, they must be placed in a context that raises a suggestion of a preceding agreement, not merely parallel conduct that could just as well be independent action." Bell Atlantic Corp. v. Twombly, 550 U.S. 544, 557 (2007). Bully on American Needle for finding enough to get the case to go through.

Quickly, let's look at the fallout:

1. This is not really a pyrrhic victory for AN, but the fight is not over yet. Since the case was reserved and remanded (back to the lower court), American Needle now has to prove that the exclusive agreement unreasonably restrains trade under the Rule of Reason advocated in Standard Oil Co. of NJ v. U.S., 221 U.S. 1. Surprising though it may be to most folks, monopoly power is not in and of itself illegal, so AN still has to show they'd be harmed and that the NFL's restriction is the cause.

2. Expect to see baseball a little more cooperative when the government comes calling. This case may be enough for the government, when and if it gets pissed, to pull the anti-trust exemption MLB currently enjoys. In fact, I would think this gets removed sooner rather than later, but the trick will be finding someone with proper standing to sue.

3. This is a huge defeat for the NCAA, I think, moreso than any other organization of sports not named MLB. The NCAA, as the administrative body of the 300+ member schools of collegiate athletics, would have stood to make a pantload if they could corral the revenues generated by some schools (e.g. UF, Texas). This would essentially have locked in every college to do exactly what the NCAA says if schools cannot make money off of their own licensed gear, since it would control all of the money in college sports. Ironic, though, that this is exactly the same argument used by those who would advocate paying collegiate athletes (e.g. allowing use of their names by default in NCAA xx). While I don't think "QB #15" will be going away anytime soon, it just strikes me as funny that the big time schools didn't speak up against ruling in favor of the NFL because of how much they had to lose and, in the process, lowering the NCAA's already low credibility.

4. I agree with Deadspin's analysis that the NFL doesn't lose, so much as it just fails to win.

5. I disagree, however, with Deadspin's last point about Madden 20xx and agree more with PointofLaw's analysis on point. He says it more succinctly than I could. To quote and reprint:

Update: Deadspin suggests (h/t W.C.) that the ruling will affect exclusive deals with videogame makers. Not so. For example, the Madden series reflects not just deals for the team trademarks, but for the NFL trademarks and the NFLPA rights, which are unaffected by the ruling. Sure, Jerry Jones could individually sell the rights to a Dallas Cowboys game that doesn't mention the NFL or the other 31 teams or any of the players' names, but who is going to buy those rights? And that's before one gets to the Rule-of-Reason analysis that a videogame is much more valuable with all 32 teams' trademarks than with just 31 of them.

That's the nail in the coffin, I think.


So, why did American Needle win this case? I believe, at the heart of it, because the NFL is not centrally planned. Teams do compete within the organization against each other, for example, with free agents. The results of the games are not fixed (the NBA's are, though. BURN!). With respect to merchandising, I believe the SCOTUS was diligent in narrowly tailoring this ruling to merchandise. Though, I do also agree to an extent with this position, that some monopolistic, single-entity powers are ultimately better for the NFL (trickling down to the players also, especially with revenue distribution).

In the end, the impact of a decision for either party wouldn't have been as bad as projected, especially in light of the narrow tailoring of the decision (no pun intended). This won't be the end of sports as we know it, but don't confuse that point; a victory for the NFL would have been more impactful than the present ruling. Nor will the NFLPA et. al have vastly more power than they did before. The NFL could restructure itself to soften or completely mitigate this blow; an example might be declaring that an official Tampa Bay Bucs hat must have both the NFL shield and the TB logo.

Anyway, that's my take and sorry if not all of it makes sense. I am not a lawyer. Yet.

[Note 2: Again, nothing above constitutes legal advice or even sound reasoning.]

Offseason Chatter: NFL Free Agency Starts Today

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

No doubt adding to Slate's documented ire of overanalyzing the NFL during the offseason, here I am with some more tinder for the fire. I would posit, though, that talking about free agency on the day it opens up isn't really just ESPN filling up airspace. This is a potentially historic offseason for the NFL. It is the first year in quite some time that there is no salary cap. Naturally, this leads to people freaking out. A sample conversation with that dimwit that everyone knows who is prone to overreaction:

You: Hey friend, did you see free agency opened up today? It's an uncapped year.

Your Stupid and Smelly Friend: OH MY GOD UNCAPPED YEAR FOOTBALL WILL BE RUINED THAT SAME WAY BASEBALL IS RUINED TOO MANY SUPERPOWERHOUSE TEAMS LIKE TEH YANKEES AND THE RED SOCKS AND THE YANKESE WILL MAKE THE NFL BORING.

You: Mmm hmm. Well, that's...very good...for a first try. You know what? I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?

First things first, your friend talks loudly and in run-on sentences. Second, he's prone to repeating things. Third, baseball is not ruined for having an uncapped salary system (although there are deficiencies in the system; I'd start with not being allowed to pocket shared revenue).

But you, the suave and debonair reader of PLS, know that there are other factors in play here. First (and this can and will be overstated by ESPN) is obviously the economy. If this morning's trends are any indication of what to come, you'll have the same mix of things that happens in baseball: a few teams, once constrained by terrible franchise crippling decisions or inability or willingness to spend top dollar, will go for the gusto. A few will look to shed dead weight. Others still will sit on the sidelines (like my team). Nothing to see here.

Second, nothing really stands to change in terms of actual players being signed, in terms of salaries. I may be alone in this belief, but I believe the salary cap causes teams to act in irrational ways. To analogize, think of it as driving your car on a highway with a hard speed limit, viz. any attempt to exceed the limit is impossible. You're stuck in traffic behind some cars that are going about 8-10 MPH under the limit, but you, the normally smarter and more composed driver, know that you could be doing things better. It inevitably become frustrating following these drivers because you know there is room to work but there's just no opportunity to break free. Finally, you have room to your left to pass and, lo and behold, the hard speed limit disappears. What's your first reaction? I would guess that you're going to floor it to pass these slow assholes that have been holding up your inevitable Manifest Destiny to wherever it is you're going.

To borrow a non-NFL example, we can look to the NBA (which lacks a hard cap, but the idea's the same). After years of being crippled (no pun intended) by the Grant Hill contract and burdened by other various failures (Steve Francis), at the end of the 2006-07 season, the Magic finally shed constraints that didn't allow them to spend any money on improving the team except for essentially lateral moves. What was the first thing Orlando did? Ridiculously overpaid Rashard Lewis in a sign-and-trade. Seriously, they paid a max contract (6 yr/$120M) to a non max player, bidding against no one but themselves.

Tying it all back together, just because all of a sudden the NFL teams have a ton of freedom and can ostensibly spend as much as they want may result in a temporary increase in irrational spending, but it likely won't produce any more than your standard stupid contracts. Just for funsies, here's some ridiculously good links to some ridiculously bad contracts, first for baseball and second for basketball @ http://www.scoresreport.com/2009/03/05/the-nbas-68-worst-contracts/ (For some reason, I can't hotlink it from this page). As those links should demonstrate, stupidity in player valuation runs rampant in both capped and uncapped leagues. As noted before, the economy should keep most of the really bad decisions in check.

A couple miscellany heading into your weekend:

- Team Jolly Drank is now 2-0 with a 21-4 demolishing of the previous squad. One guy was so hammered he could barely stand up and was definitely an all-star. In the last inning, when it was apparent the other side was going to lose, Drunky McSwingerson hits a frozen rope to center, which was bobbled. D McS jogs to second and his buddy is pissed and starts yelling. D McS calmly replies, "Bro, we're down 21-4. What I do isn't going to make a difference." I love freshmen.

- I see that Slate introduced the fantasy baseball league. I am offended he calls it an "annoying habit of winning" though. It's not annoying at all (for me, anyway). I can see where it would piss people off that I called my shot by naming my team "3 Year Winner" and won both regular season and playoff crown, even in spite of the legendary A-Rod for Bill Hall/Ryan Zimmerman trade (you can assume that neither Slate nor I were in that deal), which is Slate's favorite argument in favor of democratic vetoes of trades, which might make an interesting point/counterpoint later on.

- In the future, also look for a primer on our baseball terminology as we have quite a few nicknames that will casually tossed around. We'll start with Doug Davis, for example. Doug Davis' name is Doug the Dino.

- Finally, just in case there was ever any doubt in your mind about whether or not what you see is a movie, this car (courtesy of my neighbor) removes any and all doubt.





Enjoy your weekend, everyone.

Thought Nuggets During the AFC Championship

by Slate Quicksilver

NFL Conference Championship weekend is this Sunday. In an attempt to do something "out-of-the-box" I will drop bombs of knowledge and observation as the AFC championship goes on. To drink: A combination of beers: Labatt Blue Light and Bell's Special Double Cream Stout (Best beer I've had in a while). To eat: Pita Chips and Hummus (underrated snack food) and for dinner: STEAK.

(Note: Thoughts will come at random... probably frequently at first and then spread out as the afternoon goes on due to unforeseen random stuff coming up)

1 PMish: Dog walked longer than normal. Taking him out of the equation is such a good idea because needing to walk a dog during a game is terrible. Just terrible. Beer is loaded into the fridge 4 at a time. The proposed Quicksilver organic garden was laid out and demarcated thanks to unseasonably warmer temperatures and a quick and early snowmelt.

2:49: Preparations complete. Just need to get through Shannon Sharpe's embarrassingly bad analysis and Dan Marino's dickish smugness.

3:05: First of probably eleventy billion Sony HDtv commercials featurign Peyton Manning. The one with Jim Nantz is reasonably funny. "Back to you, Peyton."

3:07 Colts with the ball first, Manning starts the game off with an audible (surprise!), gets amazing protection and completes a great pass to Reggie Wayne, who was supposed to be inactive today due to being covered by Darrelle Revis.

3:09 Jim Leonhard is a (insert synonym for "hard worker"/"leadertype"/"blue collar") player. A nice play by him is followed by a delay blitz by the Jets and they caught Manning off guard. That's the way the Jaguars always play the Colts close every time: delay blitzes on defense and balls out confidence on 4th down on offense.

3:15 Mark Sanchez on 3rd and medium made a great play to get rid of the ball and hit Jerricho Cotchery going out of bounds and then has the presence of mind to no huddle and QB fall down up the middle. I was cool on Sanchez for a while, but he has impressed me in the playoffs and that succession of plays was just as impressive as ever. If I didn't hate the Jets with the passion of passion 10,000 novel romances, I might have liked this kid.

3:20 Jets Kicker/Super Republican Jay Feely pushed a FG just right of the uprights. First impressions of the game: The Jets are going to NEED Sanchez to do more than manage the game to win. The Jets D looked good, but it won't last forever (they are going against the NFL equivalent of a criminal mastermind at QB). The Jets moved the ball, but only when Sanchez made plays: hitting Braylon Edwards on a slant, hitting Cotchery on a broken play. Those plays opened up Thomas Jones and Shonn Greene.

3:26 An exchange of 3 and outs shows what both teams on defense need to do: shut the TEs down. Completely. Dallas Clark and Dustin Keller are the safety valves on 75% of plays and murderous daggers on the other 25% of plays. The Jets stopped one of those ubiquitous Dallas Clark 1st down plays to force a 3 and out while the Colts are locking down Dustin Keller and taking away a rookie QB's best friend: a pressure release TE owning the middle of the field.

3:40 Watching the Jets before a play on 3rd down is pretty amusing. There is the clusterfuck of chaos between the front 7 while the DBs kind of yell at each other and shift frequently. If there is any way to not show your hand to Peyton Manning to allow him to audible correctly, I would imagine this is the way.

3:52 I don't know how down I am with this new E-trade baby. The original ones were funny, but I think E-trade has pushed it a little too hard. Think GEICO cavemen, but there isn't a failed sitcom in play here. Yet.

4:01 2 deep red zone FGs for the Colts despite two slashing drives thanks to the Jets coming up big on 3rd and goal. Interesting. /puts that in the memory file

4:07 WR Wildcat Option Pass: Unbeatable in NCAA10/looked effortless with Brad Smith throwing a rainbow to Cotchery. If it were thrown just a little bit farther downfield, Cotchery wouldn't have been caught until the Kentucky state line. People seem to forget that Brad Smith was a very serviceable QB at Mizzou... the predecessor to Chase "Pizza Guy" Daniel. ((4:09) Sony HDtv w/ Peyton Manning #3)

4:21 For those of you that don't live in the south, I need to explain why people think its stupid that the PGA tour starts so early in the year. I didn't get it until I moved up here. Next week the PGA is going to be at Torrey Pines, in San Diego. That'll be great for the golfers and people in attendance, but for those of us in the northern region of the US, we won't even watch. If we acknowledge that golf is going on, we will want to golf and unfortunately, you can't golf when there are still 2 foot deep snow drifts everywhere.

4:27 Why is Michael Phelps swimming to Vancouver? Is he that high... where he thinks that all Olympics include swimming? Or is it that Subway doesn't understand the specifics of the Olympics?

4:35 Halftime. Two big plays lead to the two Jets TDs. The Colts moved the ball well all half, but stalled on 2 of their three trips to the redzone. There seems no way to easily peg this game.

4:43 Maybe I'm missing something, but why are the Grammys being hyped so much this year? Yes, I understand it's a giant festival and celebration of the last year of music. But it is also a giant pat on the back by the music industry, as Indie bands of all genre's rarely win and moreover, the fields that are lesser known to the general public (Blues, Jazz, Classical and Gospel) are usually just given away to the biggest name.

5:06 Let's recall back to earlier in this feature: "unforeseen random stuff" was a possible roadblock to a perfect afternoon/evening. Yeah. I hate laundry and I really hate it when I forget that I've been meaning to do it all weekend and now its late in the day on Sunday. I missed the perfectly thrown Manning pass to Garcon for the TD. I do, however, have a DVR. I can't sing the praises of the DVR enough.

5:15 It's time for AT&T to give up with Luke Wilson. Honestly. I like Luke Wilson, but these commercials are getting worse and worse and American Telephone and Telegraph is marching toward its own demise. It's time to cut losses and pull up the stakes and move on to something else. That map where the dots fall on Luke Wilson with an umbrella? That is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in advertising. You are giving your main competitor free ad-time to show their strength over you! And then when AT&T shows their version of their map... it's their entire network and... IT'S STILL SMALLER THAN VERIZON'S 3G COVERAGE! The other argument of "Verizon can't talk on the phone and be online at the same time" is 100% American grown corn fed bullshit. Annie Detroit has a Droid from, through VZW, and most certainly do both at the same time. Take that, Luke Wilson.

5:25 During the break going into the 4th quarter, I ventured to read a brief description and history of Lucas Oil Stadium. That place is an ode to tax-payer floated paradises. It cost 720+ million dollars. The Colts, being the generous fellows that they are, paid 100 million of that. That's it! The rest is being invoiced to to the fine people of the state of Indiana... NOT JUST THE CITY! 600 million dollars for a state of the art stadium that is, in some cases as far as 7 hours from some of the people paying for it which is, like most new stadiums, simply a playground for the uber rich underwritten by the paychecks of the middle class masses who are slummed in the upper decks... which in that stadium are kilometers away from the field? Such a deal! Someday I hope to be rich enough to vote Republican.

5:35 Get used to Jim Nantz, folks. Mr. Nantz will be doing the Super Bowl, his usual golf assignments including (and especially) the Masters and Wimbledon. I happen to like him but I can't wait to see how he handles Tiger's return (my guess... 2 weeks before the Masters) who Jim Nantz is very friendly with on and off the course.

5:41 It's looking the end for the Jets. They countered losing the lead with a 3 and out wherein Mark Sanchez looked puzzled and hurried... a combination that is only good if you are Harrison Ford in a movie where lives are in the hands of your actions and decisions.

5:55 I think it was the right decision for the Colts to go out on 4th and 1 deep in the redzone and try to get the offsides, then take the easy 3. They got a 13 point lead... simple as that. If they went for it and missed, they Jets would be down 10 and require a TD and just a FG. With a 13 point lead, 2 TDs would be needed to win. Phil Simms, as usual, was exposed agreeing with whatever the team making a decision in a game he is covering (he agreed with the Colts pseudo decision to go for it on 4th and 1) and then shutting up if they change their mind (which he promptly did when Peyton called timeout and Matt Stover was de-frosted from storage to kick the FG.


6:00 Sanchez's INT sealed the deal. It was all his fault, but the throw was not a good one. Good night New York.

The Joy of Rematches

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

Football (and maybe hockey--I don't really watch it) is funny in that it lends itself to repeating games in consecutive weeks. Yes, I know basketball sometimes finds itself playing the same teams home and away in very short order, but those are regular season games. Of note: we have four rematches this week, so to speak. In the Fiesta Bowl, Boise State and TCU match wits for the second consecutive year, and NFL-wise, we have the NYJets/Cincy, Packers/Buzzsaw That Is the Arizona Cardinals, and Philly/Dallas playing the exact same teams we saw them play not 24 hours ago.

The Fiesta Bowl is easier to explain. The Powers That Be selected those two teams to play in order to throw them a bone in the BCS bowls. If you're a conspiracy nutter, or even a fan with a couple of working neurons, you'll realize that this was done intentionally, probably to keep a strong TCU team from besting an auto-bid conference team, including both members of the Orange Bowl (especially Iowa), and Cincinnati. TCU and Boise might have given a good run to both Florida and Ohio State as well, not to mention that Boise already defeated Oregon, albeit a different Oregon team than what was shown in that game. My overarching question, though, is why they were paired again. We all know the BCS is a lightning rod for controversy, so pairing up two undefeated teams outside of the mythical national championship game ensures that at least two teams (had Cincy won, it could have been three) will remain undefeated at year's end. Not exactly the best way to give your system legitimacy in the public eye when the possibility of multiple undefeated teams isn't foreclosed.

As for the NFL, their rematches likely just have more to do with coincidence than anything. In a format where there are only six teams per conference and two of those teams that do not play in the wild card weekend, there is bound to be overlap. The more interesting thing is how the defeated teams will rise to the occasion given their "second chance" (or in PHI/DAL, third chance). Cincy and Arizona really laid down this previous week in an effort to rest their starters. Cincy appears to be in trouble, even if they really weren't trying this week. Rex Ryan should be pretty familiar with Marvin Lewis' game planning, as both served on the staff of the Ravens for a time. The football world is also well aware of the new buzz term circling the media--the Revis effect--and it seems a foregone conclusion that he will still be able to hold the Cincy passing game in check. I also agree with the topic of that link; Revis should really be the DPoY.

Dallas should have an easy enough time with Philly and it appears this will be the year they get out of the first round for the first time in more than a decade. Of course, that's what we said last year also. At least Tony Romo doesn't have the distraction of which of his blonde paramours will be showing up at the game. Miles Austin has been a revelation for this ballclub and it is really hard not to be optimistic about what the future will hold for the Cowboys.

As for Arizona, it's tough to tell what will go down there. The Pack seem to be peaking similar to the Cowboys and the three big injuries suffered by Arizona (Boldin, Campbell, and Rodgers-Cromartie) are keys to their successes since Warner will need all the help he can get, particularly on the side of the ball he doesn't play on. Without a pass rusher (Campbell) or a emerging, if not already good, CB (R-C), the Cardinals could be, in a word, effed. Still, hard to make judgments based on teams who had nothing to play for in Week 17 finding something to play for the next week against the same team.

Why there are so many rematches during this particular seven-day period is unknown. But, if you're expecting a rerun of the games you saw last year or yesterday, I've got news for you, friend: these episodes, while rehashed a bit, are all new.

Bengals WR Chris Henry Dies at 26

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

It's been a rough year for Bengals fans. Today, Chris Henry died of complications of injuries sustained from falling out of a truckbed. He was 26. John Eradi of cincinnati.com has a nice reflection piece on Henry.

Compounding the Bengals' collective griefs this year is the death of DC Mike Zimmer's wife from cancer earlier in the year. Many viewers will recall the inspiring video of the locker room after their 17-14 win over Baltimore (a victory that has proven quite valuable over the course of this year).

Truly, there is never any joy in seeing a young man (albeit a man older than all of this site's writers) lose his life early and of the tragic circumstances which he was trying to escape. Henry seemed to have started to turn his life around, finally obtaining the off-the-field stability he so desperately needed. His demons, though, got the best of him and now he will never get a chance to recover.

Requiescat in pace.

What is Going on in Tampa?

Posted by Iroquois Pilsken

PLS is exploding with content today. You're welcome (or I apologize).

I just noticed that Tampa Bay demoted DC Jim Bates and HC Raheem Morris will assume the DC duties. Tampa will return to the defense that bears its name.

Coach Morris and I have had our past tiffs. I could sort of live with the decision previously, in light of the fact I thought Josh Johnson should be given a shot. This one is unacceptable.

For those of you who are keeping score, Raheem Morris has now fired both his DC (listed above) and his previous offensive coordinator within three months of taking the job. This desperately smacks of something I call "not knowing what the hell is going on". First, even a football outsider like me knows that you only sacrifice coordinators in order to extend your own head coaching career. This doesn't really bode well for Morris' career as a Head Coach if he's already firing guys.

Second, it was obvious that Bates' defense (a more physical 4-3) was not going to work with the present personnel at the season's outset. I could live with the hiring if only to secure Bates and then bring in different personnel as the year played out, possibly getting a prime player at the top of the draft. But Raheem and GM Mark Dominik surely must have known that Morris' and Bates' defensive philosophies were at odds. Since these guys were hand-picked by the Dynamic Duo, it speaks poorly of the research that actually went into hiring these coordinators.

Lastly, the Raheem Morris shouting point, "Stay the Course" has actually turned into a more false rallying cry than "We want the ball and we're going to score!" What, exactly, does going back to the defense that couldn't stop the run at the end of last year do to correct the problem of being unable to stop the run this year? To clarify, Raheem Morris and Mark Dominik believe that staying the course means to start from a fresh, new direction, release your team's icon, and then give up when it sucks and go back to what we did before. As JoeBucsFan has so eloquently stated,

Joe hasn’t seen this much needless motion and misdirection since Chucky had a his offense shifting all over the place on every other play.

Full disclosure: I wanted Gruden gone. I thought he had run his course; the offense was erratic (as always) and the defense pretty much quit after Monte Kiffin had his bags packed for Tennessee. Sometimes, the devil you do know is better than the devil you don't.At this point, I'd rather see Isaiah Thomas coach the Bucs. At least we could then blame his incompetence on not knowing football because he was a basketball guy (of sorts).

The only thing Tampa might be able to do to win back fan support at this point is to give their franchise icon a chance to start the coaching climb. I firmly believe, and will stump for, Derrick Brooks' hiring in some capacity. He is a pretty intelligent guy who will some day make a fine DC/HC, if he so chooses. Let's give him the opportunity to start now, assuming he is the bigger person and forgives the organization that so swiftly showed him the door when he didn't fit the new scheme, only to abandon it midseason and return to the scheme in which he was fluent. Believe me, the fans would be more willing to give Brooks a chance than most, if not all, are giving to Morris.

No more excuses, Raheem. No more excuses, Dominik. This terrible administration and coaching job are now squarely on you chumps. You can try to wash the blood of change off of your hands now, but mere cries of, "Out, damn spot! Out, I say!" will prove much like Ms. Macbeth's attempts: fruitless and historically famous for not working.

The Race to the Bottom: Handicapping the NFL's #1 Pick

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

Possibly more intriguing than the race to the NFL Championship (after all, who likes rooting for winners?) is the race to the bottom in a draft without the super-marketable name. With the exception of Red, your PLS staffers cheer for separate teams who, for lack of a better term, stink (although one of them has made a fortuitous turnaround ever since they switched back to the defense for which they possessed the personnel). With that in mind, let's take a gander at the Race for the Bottom and, if they win, which (projected) member of the draft should be taken, in this observer's view.

Detroit Lions - Fresh off of their winless season, the Lions proceeded to take Matthew Stafford. Having watched Mr. Stafford for many years, it is this author's opinion that Stafford is the $1M arm/$1 head mold that has plagued such highly regarded QBs in the past. At least with Stafford, you know what you're going to get: about a 55% completion rate, 2:1 TD/INT ratio, and about 3500 yards. If you can live with that, great. Know, however, that Stafford makes knuckleheaded decisions on the reg, and at times, it doesn't seem like he cares. At least his taste in women improved since he went to the NFL. (I can't for the life of me find them, but he got photographed with some not-so-great women at UGA. Having visited UGA, I saw multiple better options in one bar alone, and I wasn't the starting QB.)

The Lions have some decent offensive talent and would likely look to shore up the line. Assuming they get the #1 pick, I would think they target Ndamukong Suh.

Odds of #1 pick: 3:1

St. Louis Rams - You know you're teams in deep trouble when it turns to Kyle Boller for a while. The Jeff Tedford QB lineage has produced some truly horrendous QB play: Akili Smith, John Joseph Harrington (both of whom were picked third overall), Boller, AJ Feeley, and Trent Dilfer (at least he won a Super Bowl!). The jury's still out on Aaron Rodgers, who is a monster fantasy football force and a decent enough QB in the league as well, but I'm more inclined to say that Rodgers is the Good Ship Lollipop in the vast Sea of Tedford Failure. It seems more to me that Tedford can coach QBs up to the collegiate ceiling, make them look good enough to get drafted, and get them set for life with an NFL contract.

Ironically, after a discussion of awful QBs, the Rams will likely look to a QB themselves in the draft, though I think their projected pick of Sam Bradford could certainly do better than all of the above jokers combined.

Odds of #1 pick: 5:1 (it increased drastically after that stinkbomb of a performance that Cutler threw up, pun and visual imagery intended, last night)

Cleveland Browns - The real key to this Race to the Bottom is the Browns. They have a couple of upcoming Futility Bowls (@DET, @KC, OAK), which could easily go in favor of any of the teams playing. If Cleveland rattles off three wins there, look out! A "We can build on this!" season awaits! If they lose, however, they're almost surely the RttB winner, as their remaining schedule is quite ghastly.

If Cleveland wins, like most folks think, I would expect them to, honestly, swap the pick lower. That's not really the point of this column, so I'll go out on a limb and have them take the premier play-maker in the highest parts of the draft: Eric Berry, aka the New Ed Reed.

Odds of #1 pick: 1.5:1

Kansas City Chiefs - I don't except them to actually contend for the #1 pick. Arrowhead Stadium is still a tough place to play in December, and (not surprisingly) they have a couple of games they can win there (BUF, CLE) and a game that will probably be somewhat hotly contested (DEN). Therefore, I will save the space on the chart.

Should the improbably happen, KC should roll with Russell Okung, get a fairly local product and the OL solidifed, or Eric Berry.

Odds of #1 pick: 20:1

Oakland Raiders: Amazing that they already have two (!) wins. Since they face CLE in one of those aforementioned Futility Bowls, three wins will likely be too much to keep them from the #1 pick. Too bad. I was really waiting to see how badly Al Davis would mess this up.

I think this may be my favorite projection, because I could put anyone down, and most folks would be likely to believe me. Like CLE, I would expect Oakland to trade down and perhaps go after Joe Haden. Assuming that doesn't happen, Al Davis shocks the world and chooses this guy #1 overall. Just saying.

Odds of #1 pick: 10:1

Tampa Bay Bucs: All snide criticism aside, Tampa has a pretty brutal schedule from here on out. They face the Saints twice, Atlanta twice, the Jets (a Rex Ryan defense against a rookie QB and another very inexperienced, though mobile, QB? Count me in!), and travel @SEA in the winter. That's rough for a team whose highlight has been offensive futility. As someone who has previously been vocal about his dislike of Josh Freeman, there is at least a little to like about the future of the team, though I would strongly caution that Freeman's game last week was likely a mirage and provides quite a bit of false hope. He was given multiple short fields and his defense/ST scored twice for him. Not counting on those fortuitous instances here on out, Tampa would have lost the game by (at least) 4, and would have actually made Freeman's numbers look better, while keeping public perception of the team the same.

TB actually has the second best odds of making the #1 overall pick, and I'm fairly certain they'd look for a Defensive Lineman. Ndamukong Suh would be the favorite, but in order to throw another name into the column, why not Carlos Dunlap? He is a big, powerful DE who would pair great next to or opposite Roy Miller at DT, who is serviceable and would likely be made better next to a talented DE.

Odds of #1 pick: 2:1