Good collection of games this weekend. The Red River Shootout (or whatever they call it these days), the annual Notre Dame beatdown by USC and the Ol' Ball Coach has a chance to sling a stone and take down a Goliath.
(3) Texas - (20) Oklahoma
Iroquois:
As much as I want to say this is open and shut, I can't. Can Texas run the ball? Can Sam Bradford exploit his RB's strength in pass catching in absence of a solid receiver? Did the entirety of talent on Mobilehoma's line leave after the BCS game? Will Texas be overconfident? Will Oklahoma relish an entire season predicated upon one upset of their Steers 'n Queers rival? How many questions can I type and still form a cogent paragraph? Will Colt McCoy press and end up costing himself a shot at the H---man trophy in one game a'la Peyton Manning 1997?
Texas over OU
Annie:
Longhorns in a shootout...wait, they have those in FOOTBALL NOW TOO!?!
Texas over OU
Slate:
Well I guess this isn't the Top 5 matchup we all were fully erect over back in August. This may or may not be one the last times the game is played in the Cotton Bowl due to Jerry Jones's football Xanadu being completely and almost fully operational. After 2015, it will probably be in the dome. We still could have the Sam Bradford-Colt McCoy offense supernova that will be seen from lightyears away, but remember that Bradford's shoulder isn't 100% yet. Oklahoma, already with 2 losses, is at a standing 8 count, so they will be a bit desperate. Texas can win this game and more than likely set a course for the BigXII championship and more than likely the national championship game. It is this one's belief that OU will certainly hold their own weight, but I think the Will Muschamp will blitz from every direction including from underground, the mascot dressing room and the 8th dimension and in the end... Texas will be the one still standing.
Texas over OU
Red:
The Red River Shootout, a title which I believe we are no longer allowed to use because the word red is considered racist. Or some other reason that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. So I guess I’m supposed to pick who will win the game and then give some type of insightful commentary. Well Red Herring does not roll that way, so instead of doing any insightful matchup comparisons of Offensive lines versus Defensive lines, or any other comparison, I’m simply going to pick a winner and say something mean about each team. This game is not even close. We have Texas, the only team outside of the SEC that is getting any respect whatsoever from the talking heads , and we have Oklahoma, which after losing to the BYU fighting white guys, and then Miami, has shown us that Big Game Bob only has his nickname because he plays in big games not wins them. Also one thing I’ve never understood, how the hell did the University of Texas end up with a cow as their mascot? Did they sleep in on the day mascots were being handed out? I know there is a story but I don’t care enough to look it up.
Prediction: Texas wins by as much as they want to.
(6) USC @ (25) Notre Dame
Slate:
Here comes the end of the line for the Notre Dame Hope Train. It ends, so does the Jimmy Clausen Heisman Conestoga Wagon, as a twisted and flaming wreck left to smolder in its own fire of unachieved expectations (that were unachievable in the first place) and will only be put out once Charlie Weis is fired. Front Butt has survived a good bit, but the hammer beings its fall after a blowout at the hands of a completely chillaxed Pete Carroll who is so cool, he will buy Front Butt a beer and a butter burger before he leaves town out his own cool guilt.
In 5 years Notre Dame will join the Big Ten and will be a powerhouse once again. This is the night it gets kicked off.
USC BIG over notre dame
Annie:
Trojans over the drunks
USC over ND
Iroquois:
Jimmy Clausen has no place among the H---man candidates right now. The mere fact that he's even being considered speaks to the volume of Notre Dame hype back when they were, you know, relevant. Try beating a team with a winning record first, son (note: Winning record is not a .500 record).
This game should once again go to the Men of Troy, CA. Notre Dame's O-Line, outside of Sam Young, tends to falter against strong pass rushes. Guess what USC has? I generally believe as well that Matt Barkley > Tate Forcier (right now), and I expect MB to give ND the same problems as TF did, though not necessarily in as dramatic a fashion.
USC over ND
Red:
In the fifth year of the Charlie Weis coaching regime, or internship depending on who you ask, we have to ponder, how long until Notre Dame backs a dump truck full of money up to Urban Meyer’s house? The answer: not that long. There has been a lot of buzz around the interweb about Notre Dame fan base feeling like they have a real chance in this game, and how Notre Dame players feel that they can beat USC. Well, no they won’t. Notre Dame will go down in flames in the first half and Pete Carroll will continue his ownership of Charlie Weis.
(4) Virginia Tech @ (19) Georgia Tech
Annie:
Hokies over the...Engineers?
VT over GT
Iroquois:
After last week's turnstile defense convention in Tallahassee, I don't think Georgia Tech has the ability or energy to play with VT this week. Tyrod Taylor, if he is progressing as much as he showed last week (one of those TD passes was gorgeous), will exploit the lack of a passing defense (seriously, GT? 359 passing yards to FSU?) and Ryan Williams will run through a tired GT defense, not that he isn't good in his own right.
VT over GT
Slate:
Virginia Tech shot down Miami and Miami sets GT on fire and pissed on the ashes, so by the transitive property of sports, Va Tech should rout the Jackets. But hold on, as EDSBS puts it perfectly, VT caught Miami in a Jacory Harris Flyness-Shortage. Miami now knows the cure. A JHFS is only cured by playing the theme from Shaft in a continuous loop until signs of flyness fire up. So perhaps, the transitive property of sports isn't correct here. We must then consider two things: GT's triple option can be particularly baffling even to "good" defenses and Tyrod taylor is still the QB for VT. Those things considered we roll with GT but it'll be close.
GT over VT
Red:
Virginia Tech has been playing out of their minds after the thumping that Alabama put on them to start the season. Georgia Tech has proven that a brazilliontuple option really will work in college ball. Against an FSU team that could best be described by their odor, Georgia Tech ran the ball at will. FSU knew that GT was going to run the ball and still couldn’t stop them. The Yellow Jacket offense was so dominant that they actually struck Bobby Bowden dumb. I, however, think that the Virginia Tech defense will be able to at least contain if not stop the GT offense. In the battle of the Techs I’m going to go with VT.
Prediction: VT wins a close game after they figure out they can put 11 men in the box and GT will still run.
(22) South Carolina @ (2) Alabama
Slate:
South Carolina's offense is a Steve Spurrier offense-like substance. Think of velveeta cheese. No, the Cock offense is not as good as velveeta is by any stretch of the imagination but remember, velveeta is "processed and blocked cheese." This is all and good, but Nick Saban's defense is so good it went back in time and halted the Huns at Budapest with Rolando McClain personally stopping Attila himself from crossing the Danube. It was a spectacular moment in time, but Nick Saban erased all knowledge of it from ever happening because he doesn't want teams to know his tactics (archers to the back left flank supported by corners in a soft zone). Alabama will probably hold the Cock offense to very few points.
'Bama over South Carolina
Annie:
Tide over Cocks
Bama over SCAR
Iroquois:
Again, I think Bama trips up at some point this year. This isn't that game, though. Jarvis Giles' suspension pretty much nails this one shut. Unless Alshon Jeffrey and Stephen Garcia rock worlds like last week, this one shouldn't be too much of a contest. I do wish to note, however, that this may be the week where we really see Greg McElroy fall apart and as such, Bama will treat him like LSU treats Jordan Jefferson: as a game manager more than a playmaker.
Bama over SCAR
Red:
Do you really want commentary here? The only question about this game is how many visors Steve Spurrier goes through before he says screw it and leaves early to beat the traffic. The fighting Sabans will have their way with the Gamecocks on both sides of the ball and the only thing that prevents this from being a blow out is if the bus carrying the Alabama team get lost on the way to the stadium. However I can’t pass up this opportunity to mention that there might be a special appearance by ALABAMA MAN!
Prediction:
Arkansas @ (1) UF
Slate:
Florida gets to return home and see an Arkansas team whose offense's volatility rating is classified as: "Mixing Clorox with Drano." Sometimes it's great, other times it shows up at the wrong stadium. UF better not consider this a week off. Florida wins big, but only if their offense shakes the rust off.
UF over Arky
Iroquois:
I decline to analyze games in which I have a personal stake.
UF over Arky
Annie:
Too close to call...
UF over Arky
Red:
The Gators come off an exciting (painful to watch) victory against LSU in Red Pole and come home to face Arkansas. One thing is clear; Florida simply must drop a metric shitload of points on the Razorbacks in this game because UF is risking losing their number one ranking simply because Alabama keeps decapitating their opponents. Tebow needs to take care of business (and he will) and we see an explosion from the Florida offense against Arkansas’ defense that will just not be able to keep up with the speed UF brings to the table. But hey, you guys had Darren McFadden. That was pretty good back in the day.
Prediction: UF wins by a ton and then Tebow heals all of the injured players and feeds the masses with only one six pack of beer and three of those Red Baron “pizzas” they sell at the concession stands. Meyer moves one step closer to adding another ring to his iconic wardrobe.
Northwestern @ MSU
Iroquois:
Ummm, really?
MSU over NW
Slate:
MSU is rebounding, we expected that, and perhaps it continues this week against a not-as-good-as-last-year Northwestern team. Then again MSU, as a program, does have a propensity for losing games they should win. Some say it was the Michigan game, but I say this is the game that will make or break the season because they are still a good team. Winning here gets them above .500 (4-3) and 3-1 in conference. This still have Minnesota, Western Michigan and Purdue (all games they should win) with games at Iowa and at home against Penn State. An 8-5 could be seen as a success after how they started.
MSU over NW
Annie:
Spartys over the Journalists
MSU over NW
Red:
Ok, time to pretend I care about this game. Deep Breath. OKAY! What an exciting game with two teams that have so much to play for! Sparty looks to improve to 4-3 while Northwestern looks to stay above .500. Both teams still have a chance to compete for a conference title. (If Columbus burns down over the weekend). So based purely on which mascot is more likely to haunt my dreams for the rest of my life, I’m going to go with Michigan State over Northwestern.
Prediction: Sparty and his unblinking ways literally scares the Northwestern team into not even stepping onto the field. Or maybe Northwestern wins, who knows its Big Ten football!
(11) Iowa @ WisCANsin
Annie:
Corn over Cheese
Iowa over W
Slate:
WisCANsin should have beaten Ohio State, but a KO return for a TD and a Pick 6 doomed them. Honestly... when will someone finally just kill this overrated OSU team!? Iowa is undefeated, but hasn't looked spectacular in any particular game. Remember they had to block 2 FGs to beat D2 Northern Iowa? They almost coughed up a win last week, Arkansas State almost tripped them up and they barely outlasted Arizona. So let's not get the anointing oils just yet. I think I see an upset.
WisCANsin over Iowa
Iroquois:
I stumped against the Corn last week and will continue to do so until I'm finally proven right.
Wisky over Corn
Red:
Now this is an interesting game. Iowa has managed to be the quietest unbeaten major conference team all year and they are finally getting respect they apparently deserve. Wisconsin is more of a question mark. Will they be a ferocious badger running the ball down Iowa’s throat? Or will they hide in their hole as Iowa moves the ball downfield in a methodical manner? Based only on this video evidence of the Wisconsin football team practicing I’m going to go ahead and pick the upset!
Prediction: Wisconsin wins a close game against Iowa partly through skill, partly through hypnosis by pumping this into the visitor’s locker room.
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