Bar Golf

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

Last Friday night, I organized a bar crawl across the "fair" city in which I live. Instead of just making this an ordinary tour of duty, we (being the crawlers) decided to make a sport of it. The idea of Bar Golf is pretty simple, if you don't already know what it is. Each twosome (or foursome or solo adventurer) starts off even. You add or subtract strokes based on the type of drink that you order at each pub. That's really it. You can make it as complex or as simple as you feel like.

Some Querying parties have asked me about the template of rules that I used (hint, hint). So as not to deprive any of our dedicated readers an opportunity to see this masterpiece of a game, I have decided to share them with all of you.

Full version of the rules can be found here. Some of the less generally relevant stuff has been edited.

GENERAL RULES

1. There will be a time limit of 30 minutes at each bar, although exceptions will be made if a hole is particularly crowded, exigent circumstances arise, etc.

2. Each team will start with a score of 0, and each member's individual score will be added together at the end of the match to determine a winner. The team with the lowest score wins.

3. Golf attire is MANDATORY. No exceptions. Failure to conform to golf attire results in forfeiture of your play.

4. A player's score at each hole is determined by drinking a certain drink, and/or combination of drinks. For example:

(Par 4):

Hole-in-One - Shots of 4 Horsemen, Popov, and Prairie Fire (Whiskey/Tabasco) [a net of 1 stroke, or -3]
Eagle - Two Tequila Sunrises [net of 2, or -2]
Birdie - 2 Double Liquor and Mixer OR 4 Beers [3/-1]
Par - 2 Single Liquor and Mixer OR 2 Beers [4/0]
Bogey - 1 Single Liquor and Mixer OR 1 Beer [5/+1]

ADDITIONAL ACTIONS THAT AFFECT A PLAYER'S SCORE

The following actions will result in strokes being subtracted from one's score:

a. dancing on a bar or table (-1 stroke)

b. making out with someone who isn't playing bar golf (-3 strokes, note that any player who chooses to leave the course with aforementioned make-out will score par on the remaining holes)

c. making out with a teammate or another player (-3 strokes, can only be used once throughout the evening in order to prevent certain teams from taking advantage of this)

d. starting a chant, cheer, or song at the bar (-2 strokes)

e. getting kicked out of the bar (-2 strokes, any team member who goes home after getting kicked out will forfeit the match)

f. making another player cry through malicious or impertinent actions (-3 strokes)

Clarification of the Rules:

In order to receive credit for dancing on a table, a player must dance for a period exceeding one minute. Any player who makes three attempts to dance on a table and is stopped by the bar's staff each time will receive the aforementioned stroke reduction.

“Making out,” for the purposes of this competition, entails kissing another person, with tongue, for a period exceeding 15 seconds. There will not be additional stroke reductions for “getting to other bases” with another party, as this is a sporting event, not a creepy orgy.

In order to receive credit for starting a chant or song, at least nine people must join the player in singing/shouting some kind of song, slogan, etc.

The following actions will result in strokes being added to a player's score:

a. puking, yes, even if it's “just water,” or “just foam” (+5 strokes)

b. falling down (+2 strokes)

c. spilling a drink on another player, or on yourself (+1 stroke for accidental, +3 strokes for volitional)

d. crying (+3 strokes)

e. answering phone calls from a significant other who is not participating in bar golf (+1 stroke)

f. passing out (+8 strokes)

g. breaking a glass or bottle at the bar (+1 stroke)

h. Use of a flash or non-flash camera, camera phone, or any video recording device (including phones) in order to capture an image or video of another player while that player A) possesses a visible drink in the prospective photo or B) is engaging in the act of drinking itself (+2 for each incident)

I won't post the rest of the stuff, but some of the highlights from the holes themselves:

Hole 1 - Ace was 2 well quality double gin on the rocks in less than 15 minutes.
Hole 2 - Ace was 3 Prairie Fires; Eagle was 2 Boilermakers.
Hole 4 was the crowning achievement of Bar Golf. Read about it in the document.
Hole 7 - Ace was 2 Cement Mixers (Baileys+151 Rum+Lime).
Hole 9 (the last one) - Ace was a Mop Water/Jersey Turnpike.

As you can see, it is very difficult to shoot well under par, much like real life.

I would welcome suggestions as to rule changes or other such alterations.