Parade of Nations Drinking Game

by Slate Quicksilver

You may only get to see it once every two years, but the Parade of Nations is a tradition of the Olympics which more people watch than most will admit. You get to see all of the countries, hear of countries you've never heard of (Japan? Where the HELL is that!? Mexico???? Why don't they call it OLD MEXICO!?!?) and you get to the see the uber hot women from Scandinavian countries which are so hot that they transcend all racial and social boundaries. I'm convinced that if an alien race were to invade the Earth, our best hope against all of their fury and technology would be the Swedish Bikini Team. But we also get to see the hilarious clothes these people wear (Did you see what Azerbaijan was wearing? They looked like a pinata!), the in-pronounceable names (Iceland's Bjornavvsin Bjornthorkavsin) and, of course, the completely out of place countries.

Yes. Ethiopia has a team. So does Senegal. Jamaica? Irie, mon. Bermuda? You bet your shorts.

So the Parade of Nations is actually kind of cool. So, in the spirit of all of the event based drinking games (Home Run Derby, Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune...) the Parade needed a drinking game. So here are the rules:

One Drink:
- If you have never heard of the country. Be honest people, you probably could not locate Herzegovina on a map to save your grandma's life. (Editor's note: Slate can. He knew all of the countries in the world in middle school because he was just THAT COOL. He also didn't have a legit girlfriend until his junior year of high school.)

- If a country has less than 5 athletes competing, toast to their country. It's the only attention they are ever going to get. And toast properly. "To Liechtenstein!"

Two Drinks:
- If the country is really out of place, drink to their spunkiness. "To Ghana!" (Note that drinks are combined, so for Ghana, who had 1 athlete, you were at 3 drinks.

- If the country has an in-pronounceable athlete whose name is shown on the TV. Example: Australia had a normal name, like Jim Smith. Cyprus had a name along the lines of: Sverendoulan Dipopiadapoulous. You may be a dictation specialist, but come on. The latter is not pronounceable by the standard American tongue. Drink to our lack of understanding of other cultures!

Three Drinks:
- If the person who is being profiled has a name that does not fit the country s/he is representing. Example: Jaromir Jagr fits for the Czechs. Prinz Hubertus Von Hohenlohe-Langenburg is representing Mexico. Can you figure out why that doesn't fit? Drink to his/her bamboozling of said country's Olympic committee.

Anyway, this game moves fast. I mean really fast. The PoN for the 2010 games lasted for about 90 minutes or so, yet there were 82 countries. So you move really really fast. Have plenty of beers, and go at it. We were sloshed by Kyrgyzstan and by Slovenia, it got ugly. Finally when Canada went through (the host country goes last), we were obliterated in a short and concise amount of time.

So world, enjoy it. Fit it to your needs. And here, once again to get more hits for this site is:

THE SWEDISH BIKINI TEAM!

We can only hope Bikini teams will be an Olympic sport by 2018.