Nothing's Going on in the NHL

By Annie Detroit

Unlike the NCAA, there are no undefeated teams. Unlike the NFL, there isn't a senior citizen leading the league in all offensive categories (Joe Thorton is only 30 so he doesn't count). I've been searching around for the last 20 minutes on ESPN and NHL.com looking for some interesting story to blog about regarding the NHL. I can't find anything interesting to blog about.

The NHL is boring. No one is chasing any long standing cherished records, there are no heated rivalries that command the attention of viewers across the nation. There isn't even a scandal going on right now. The biggest news I could find was Buffalo's Patrick Kaleta being suspended for hitting a guy (I saw the hit, it wasn't that bad). So what is going on in the NHL?

Well, most of the teams are about where they should be standings-wise. The biggest surprise I see is Detroit almost at the bottom of their division for the first time since the 80's. I would blog about that, but I'm sure most of you don't want to hear a Red Wings fan complaining about the Red Wings, so I am pleading the fifth on this particular issue until spring.

The fact of the matter is the start of this season has been a tad disappointing in my view. The top scorer right now is Joe Thorton, not big surprise. The top team right now is the San Jose Sharks, not quite straying from my preseason prediction though I focused more on the end of the season for these guys. That's really all the excitement for now. Forgive me for not being on the edge of my seat. Even Crosby and Ovechkin have been exceedingly quiet this year thus far.

Why is that? Why is the NHL boring? Perhaps it's because no one is attempting to hype things up? I'm not sure if I've mentioned it yet on the blog, but I hate Versus. They do a terrible job and I feel they are a large part of this lack of interest in the NHL. Football, baseball, soccer, and basketball are on ESPN, and ESPN makes sure you know it. They talk about it on Sportscenter, they show commercials like crazy, and they have their other commentary shows (PTI, Around the Horn) covering everything as well. We would be lucky if Tony Cornheiser and Mike Wilbon talk about hockey, and Tony Riali only brings it up once in a blue moon (usually when the only hockey afficianado Tim Cowlishaw is absent). ESPN isn't there for the NHL to hype up every play and make that one hit on that one guy a huge deal and turn it into a scandal. While I think ESPN often over-exaggerates things, they know how to get people interested. So screw you Versus, no one wants to watch bull-riding after a hockey game.

Something I've noticed in the last few years. You know at the beginning of SportsCenter when they show a bunch of one second clips to go along with the theme music? Well, whenever they show NHL clips, they always show guys getting rocked into the boards or flying forward and landing on their faces or celebrating a goal. If these are the things that are exciting about the NHL, then why is the NHL trying to get rid of them? Hmm, interesting.

But maybe it isn't a network thing? Maybe it's the league that needs to step up. All year around, the NFL shows commercials about how great they are and how if you don't watch the season opener in three months the world will most likely end. I really only see commercials for the NHL while I'm already watching the NHL. Real smart guys. I'm already watching!! And you know what else? Sidney Crosby isn't good at speaking in front of a camera, try someone else! The NHL doesn't have aggressive add campaigns, familar faces that you can throw in a Sears commercial, or a video game that has people lining up at the local GameStop for the midnight release. It seems as though the NHL has accepted this mentality that they will never be as popular as the other sports that occupy the headlines.

To correct these problems, I suggest a few simple steps:

1. Dump Versus like a bad habit. They are terrible and no one watches them even if they have a cable package that carries them.

2. Get back on ESPN. They know how to work a crowd.

3. Disco Demolition Night?

4. The NHL needs to do a better job getting their names out there. To the casual observer (the south) people don't know who guys like Joe Thorton and Marian Gaborik are.

5. Kill Gary Bettman; I just feel that will solve everything.

It's not like any of these things are impossible (although I doubt anyone would provide the permits to set fire to vinyls within an ice arena), so it's not like I'm asking a lot. If all these are done, the NHL will find itself back in the mix with the other pro sports and not just watching from the sidelines.

I will volunteer to head up the committee to complete #5.

Whatever happened to retiring with dignity?

By Annie Detroit

With recent news of AARP/NHL liason Chris Chelios' attempts to return to professional hockey after being out for less than six months, I have to ask: why don't players just retire and be done with it?

So many players in professional sports these days are too stubborn to step out of the limelight and pass the torch to the next generation. A certain someone in the NFL is a very good example. I don't need to say who and that's exactly my point. This particular person should've retired a few years ago and should be living it up at a beach house in Maui.

Compare this to other professions. Do you think the CEO of a major company would be terribly excited if one of his middle management guys retired and un-retired three times in three years? Can one even do that!? Normal people have a plan and stick with it or change before it's too late so they don't look like assholes. There are many professional athletes that look like assholes.

What's even better is when they attempt to come back only to be rejected. Claude Lemieux (one of my favorite people) is a good example. He attended training camp with the San Jose Sharks only for the team to take a pass on a man who played many years and accomplished very little. Apparently Darren McCarty hit a few too many times in the head. McCarty is also a good example. As a Wings fan, I was ready to welcome him back to the game and the team with open arms, but when he was able to crack the lineup he did absolutely nothing and was promptly released. Perhaps the two were collaborating so they both could come back and create a trilogy of blood feuds. I would've watched it.

To use a word often lost in the sports world these days: the classy players are the ones who retire with dignity. Gretzky, Messier, Yzerman, Ripken Jr., etc. Athletes like these are the ones who don't want to see leave. These are the guys you wish were just joking when they said they were retiring but were really going to come back the next year. Though those are just pipe dreams. You know deep down players like these wouldn't do that because they are the classy ones. So we have to watch guys like Roger Clemens who just can't make up their freakin' minds. Or you'll see players who you know should retire but just won't go away like Allen Iverson. He finally called it quits after embarrassing himself earlier this season.

It should be every athletes dream to go out to a standing ovation

A message to all professional athletes: Get together with the family and financial planner and figure some stuff out. Don't wake up one day, decide to retire, and two days later change your mind. Make a decision and stick with it. It will save us all a lot of grief.

And now for your viewing pleasure.

Yes Virginia, Lions Fans do Exist

By Annie Detroit

Though it may have been less than evident given the Lions Thanksgiving Day performance on national television, there surprisingly are some very loyal and enthusiastic Lions fans out there. I had the pleasure of meeting some of them this past weekend when the Lions defeated the Cleveland Browns for magic win #2.

I took in a very elegant tailgating party before heading into the stadium. Who knew that in such a decrepit city such as Detroit could there be anything "elegant" survive within the city limits, but that is exactly what I witnessed.

When I first arrived, I realized that I had never seen so many Lions fans in one confined space outside the stadium before, and every single one of them seemed to be in good spirits. It was a little cold on this late November day, but the beer flowed well enough to keep everyone warm. What made this tailgate special was that it in no way had anything to do with sitting in the back of a vehicle. This particular group of 40 die-hard Lions fans (yes, that's right, die-hard Lions fans) did not use their cars but for transportation. Instead, they arrive at the tailgate around 9am every home game and lash together six tents in order to serve their pre-game meal.

Chicken, corned beef, among other dishes, a meal fit for a Lion?

I really do mean meal. Forget the cold sandwiches or even the partially cooked hotdogs on the tiny grill. This was a full three course set out before us. Salads, green bean caserole, chicken, even corned beef, along with hot coffee or cocoa and decadent desserts made up the menu of this smorgasbord. Good food coupled with upbeat chatter and high hopes for the day's game. The only fee for this feast was a request to take part in the 50/50 raffle that raised the money to continue this group and flourishing tradition. I didn't win the money, but I won just for being there.

Then the Lions won.

The tents were abuzz when I returned following the bizarre and purely Lions-style victory. The crowd was celebrating and the grill was hot as brats and hot dogs were being prepared for the post game meal!

A celebratory cigar and brat to top off a great day of football for these loyal fans

It was one of the best experiences I have ever had not only at a Lions game, but a football game in general. Even though the Lions have nested in the bottom of the NFL for the past 50 years, the fans remain optomistic and hopeful. No matter how good or bad the Lions play, the grill remain hot and the food will always be good, so it will still be a good day in Detroit.

Nostalgia Time 1987

By Annie Detroit

You just don't see this anymore:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOI3mwK5YLw

If you're thinking, "Well, Steve Yzerman is not a fighter and Kevin Maguire was cheap shooting and being a wuss!" That's not exactly what I'm talking about. Other than the obvious point of overall fighting being down all of the league, much to the dismay of many fans and players, you don't see guys stand up for themselves anymore! Jerk on Team A hits Lady Bing candidate on Team B. What should happen is either Lady Bing candidate from Team B defends himself and pops Jerk on Team A OR Jerk from Team B jumps off the bench and totally pummels Jerk from Team A. What we see now is Jerk from Team A cheap shots Lady Bing candidate from Team B and Lady Bing candidate from Team B lays on the ice until a penalty is called.

Lest we forget one of my favorite fights of all time and one that I've already linked on this blog, McCarty v. Lemieux 1997. That whole fight was that ideal scenario. McCarty didn't give Lemieux two shakes before that awful hit on Draper the previous playoff season. That whole rivalry was based on one incident and the retaliation. Where is that kind of heat and passion in the NHL? I mean, the worst we've seen in recent years was Sean Avery and the whole "Sloppy Seconds" thing. That didn't even happen on the ice! Then what happened? Avery was suspended. Where's the fun in that? They should've let him play and every player who was offended by that comment would have beat the living snot out of him. Now that's justice.

I've been noticing this lack of passion in the game over the last few seasons, not only because the Wings/Avs rivalry and simmered down exponentially, but because no new rivalries are cropping up. The only real rivalry I can think of right now is Montreal/Toronto, and that's been around for a century and it's pretty much tradition at this point. Rivalries in the NHL aren't created through winning and losing like Darth Bettman would like you to believe. Division rivalries are shallow, and even though you play a team 100 times a season doesn't mean they're going to learn to hate each other, they're just going to get sick of each other. Detroit and St. Louis have been in the same division since the Blues' birth and there's no rivalry there.

Let players get mad. Let them make it personal. Let them go out for revenge. That's what makes this sport exciting to watch. Maybe soap opera isn't the best analogy, but it kind of is. Let them jaw at each other and let them have at it. And to the players: Cause a little bit of trouble, please. It keeps things interesting.

What to Eat While Watching Hockey

By Annie Detroit

Hockey is a great spectator sport. While being there to witness the action and spectacle of the game is great. You can be reclined in the Laz-Y-Boy in your living room and enjoy it almost as well. The best part is that the food and beer are cheaper. The possibilities of hockey snacking are almost endless. I do, however, have some tips for any one out there who still watches hockey (or can, thanks to Versus which no one has).

When snacking while watching hockey, try to refrain from really messy foods. While few things satisfy more than hot BBQ wings and a cold one, eating really messy foods while watching hockey could be detrimental. It is very easy to get into a hockey game. When I watch, yelling and forehead smacking often ensue, and if your fingers are covered with sauce or other sticky, drippy residues, it could get ugly. Especially for those out there flying with the DVRs. You just saw Sidney get flattened on his butt and you want to be able to record and rewind so you can enjoy it all through the intermission of the live game. Well, if you're hands are all messy you can't very well drive the remote! So watch out the sloppy finger foods. Stick to the boneless wings that you can eat with a fork (pinky up, of course).

This little guy needs a moist towelette before he can see that Datsyukian play again

I don't want to tell not eat cold foods while watching hockey, but to caution you. Eating cold foods like ice cream while watching hockey could make you sick. Not stomach I-Shouldn't've-Had-That-Fourth-Hot Dog sick, more like a cold or the flu. Your brain will already be in a mental state of coldness and unless you're one of two people who watch hockey in warm climates, you're probably already a little chilled. So if you're going to fly with Edy's on hockey night, make sure you're wearing your flannels and have a quilt handy. Again, be careful of your non-bowl ice creams like Klondikes and ice cream sandwiches, for the remotes sake.

One of my favorite foods to eat while watching hockey is popcorn. I enjoy popcorn in all occasions but it is a good fit for hockey. Whether you air-pop it of nuke it, it comes out fresh and warm and even if you add a pound of butter, you lick it off your fingers so you can hit the button the remote. Another good one is nachos. Again, something warm but they are easy to make at home. Chips and some sharp cheddar and 30 seconds in the microwave makes this a good snack to get ready during one of those glorious TV timeouts.

Now, drinking while watching at home is tricky. Of course, a chilled Labbatt's is never a bad idea, nor is a Coke for those that remain dry. These compliment the above snacks well no matter what time of year or whatever sport you may be watching. If you aren't getting your snack on and just want something to drink, again, it can't hurt to go with something warm. Growing I remember gathering around the TV with the fam and a tall cup of cocoa, settling in to watch Hockey Night in Canada. I just had to remember not to sip when Don Cherry came on so I wouldn't get burned when I gasped at his latest outfit. Of course, coffees and teas aren't bad decisions either, though I would go with the decaf unless your team is out on the west coast. I mean, really, no matter what team you're watching, things get stressful enough without 100 grams of caffine coursing through your veins, so take it easy.

Hopefully this will get to think before you snack this holiday season. Look for function as well as flavor and remember that you'll want your fingers free for the remote so you can change it when Barry Melrose comes on for the intermission report. We still don't care what you have to say, Barry!

Your Weekend CFB Picks 10-09-09

Note: Nothing in this article represents a gambling endorsement or even generally good advice.

Florida/Louisiana State

Slate:
Tim Tebow got injured... not sure if you heard that. As a result, the Gators will probably be forced to run. Last week, LSU smashed UGA's run game to pieces and although UF's running game is diametrically the opposite, you have to wonder if LSU can just plain stop the run.

Then again, let's look at a typical LSU fan's perspective... shall we? (taken from a message board on sportingnews.com) "URBAN MAYER HAS NEVER WON IN DEATH VALLEY AND TIM TEBOW HAS NEVER WON IN DATH VALLEY. THIS MEANS THEY WILL NEVER WIN! GEAUX TIGERS!!" Tough to argue against that bulletproof logic, but I think LSU's offense won't have much success against the Gator D. Also let's take this time to remember that although LSU as a program has earned the respect of many a UF fan, their non-school affiliated fans cross the line between human being and "sub-human."

UF over LSU

Annie
Florida for obvious reasons.

UF over LSU

Iroquois:

I decline to analyze games in which I have a personal stake.

UF over LSU.

Alabama/Ole Miss

Slate:
Easy pick here. Houston Nutt is coaching an overmatched team against a juggernaut rolling on a railroad track whose only stop is at the SEC championship game. Haven't we seen this movie before? Upset special time, friends.

Ole Miss over Bama

Annie:
Bama for no apparent reason

Bama over Ole Miss

Iroquois:

Slate presents a strong open and shut argument for Ole Miss in this one. It's nearly convincing. However, I don't think this is where Bama trips.

Bama over Ole Miss.

Michigan/The Corn

Slate:
Michigan was exposed last week as a complete and total fraud who was only undefeated thanks to never leaving home and feasting on cupcakes. They walked in to Spartan Stadium and got crushed for 55 minutes against a bad MSU defense... particularly at the line. The Spartan D Line looked fabulous against a Michigan O Line who looked confused and discombobulated. Now we go to math: Iowa D >> MSU D, Thus: Michigan offense + Iowa D = value for offensive production. Iowa in a rout.

Corn over Mich

Annie:
Corn because corn is always interesting.

Corn over Mich

Iroquois:

Iowa looked really bad last week against Arkansas State. In fact, were it not for a clearly biased and botched call (in succession: a questionable PI call against Arky State and then a clear ignorance of RTP by Iowa against Arky State) this game may have gone the other way. I don't believe Michigan was exposed last week, so much as they were just unprepared, but I do believe Iowa was exposed at just being able to plan well for Penn State. Look for Iowa to fall (and hard). But don't worry, Corn fans. There's always ethanol.

Mich over Corn.

Baylor/OU

Slate:

Baylor is halfway to a bowl... good for them. It is safe to say that they won't be 66% of the way to a bowl after this game. OU will likely create a blitz of offense so large that by halftime, the U.N. will create a binding resolution to condemn the violence in Norman.

OU way over Baylor

Annie:

Baylor just because

Baylor over OU

Iroquois:

I would have called Baylor in an upset this week had their very talented QB, Robert Griffin, not been disabled for the year.

OU over Baylor

Oregon/University of Caucasians Lost among Asians

Slate:
UCLA is probably better than most think, but the same can be said for Oregon. Oregon brutalized Wazzu last week and seeing as how they have to catch up to USC in the "Pac10 one loss" division, they need to keep throttling teams to impress people into thinking they are good/totally cool enough to go to the mall with the top 10 teams.

Oregon over UCLA

Annie:

UCLA because bears would eat ducks

UCLA over Oregon

Iroquois:

Very interesting. I find this is the toughest call of the week to make. You've got Oregon on one hand, whose inconsistency can only be described as 'perplexing', and UCLA, who has been very quietly effective. Their only loss this year was to a very underrated and cohesive Stanford team. Word out of Eugene is that Jeremiah Masoli is hurt and the backup QB will be playing significant time. Combine this with the road environment, and His Coachness Sir Rick Neuheisel's suddenly stout defense, and I think we have a real upset on our hands here.

UCLA over Oregon

UGA/TN

Slate:
Lane Kiffin needs to thank his dad everyday of his life for many reasons. A newer reason is because Kiffin Sr. has been the only reason his team has even been in games. The inbred... sorry... Volunteer D has been great against high flying offenses (UF, Auburn) but the offense has been pitiful. UGA is looking to rebound from the last second loss to LSU under strange circumstances. It will be close, but Tennessee's offense will almost certainly lose the game somehow.

UGA over TN

Annie:

Georgia because Tennesee sucks

Georgia over TN.

Iroquois:

Simply...

The Meteor to annihilate both teams.

MSU/Fighting Zookers

Slate:

Juice Williams has been benched by the Zooker, which is saying something. Juice is a textbook case of a great athlete who plays QB rather than safety or something like that. Clearly, the zooker thinks that he has a better chance with a dropback QB instead of an X factor. From personal experience/scarring, it is this one's opinion that ANYTHING the Zooker thinks or does is a bad idea. You could think of him as that guy everyone grew up with who never did anything right, but kept on marching to the beat of his own drum, never taking the hint that he was failing at everything. He was the guy who thought that dropping out of school early to get a job at Pep Boys was a good idea because of "how much money (he) will have even though (he's) only 17!" Illinois is terrible this year despite having great recruits. You could almost bet that even a mediocre coach could walk in there in place of the zooker and win 9 games easily.

As for MSU, yes they won against their hated rival, but now we need to see if their defense is actually fixed or if last week's domination for 55 minutes of Michigan was a legit, infrequent or a flat out mistake.

MSU over Zookers

Annie:

The Spartys because I like them

MSU over Zookers

Iroquois:

The Juice wasn't worth the squeeze for the Zooker, I suppose. I wonder if we will see a lot of Jarrod Fayson at QB for Zookers, this being the primary (public) reason he transferred to IL. Amid uncertainty at the helm for Ron Zook, whose game day decisions have always been a shade suspect, I go with the Spartans.

MSU over Zookers.

BC/VT

Slate:
BC caught FSU in another one of those "oopsies" weeks that they seem to have regularly now that Bobby Bowden is not really there anymore. Now we hear about trustees wanting him step down which I feel is something more than Bobby's lack of recent success. More than likely, this is because Bobby supported the "Silver Menace" in the late 1800s rather than "Gold Bugs." As a person who describes his political views as "The National League", this argument is moot. We should have gone to a candy based economy after the Civil War. Society would be far more happy although savings would certainly be down.

Anyway about the game... VT really looked weird against Duke. Weird meaning "they didn't score on every offensive play from scrimmage." Look for a rebound, but it will be tight... because that's how Va Tech rolls.

VT over BC

Annie:

Virginia Tech because it is no longer BC, it is AD

VT over BC

Iroquois:

This ought to tell you how mediocre the ACC is this year. Virginia, the same team that lost to William and Mary, is #3 in the ACC with a 1.000 conference winning percent. If the ACC championship were held today, we'd see VT versus Maryland, the same Maryland that spotted Cal 52 points, needed OT to beat James Madison (though observant CFB fans will note that Jeff Sagarin's ranking system once placed JMU as a Top 10 team in the nation last year), and lost to Middle Tennessee State (though, once again, observant readers are rewarded by noting MTSU has had at least one player in the NFL every season since 1973)

I choose Virginia Tech solely on the fact that if both Miami and VT run the table, Miami gets left out of the ACC Champ. game.

VT over BC.

College football "picks"

Weak plate of games this time. However our team of writers found a few that are worth your while.


4 LSU @ 18 Georgia

Iroquois:

One of these teams will be exposed as a pretender this week. My vote is GA. Is LSU looking ahead to Florida? Maybe. Despite the game being in Filthy Leghumper Land,

LSU over UGA.

Slate:
Yes, they are playing between the hedges. Yes, LSU's offense takes entire halves of football games off. Yes, Georgia's offense has more punch than it did last year despite losing two first rounders (doesn't having a healthy O-Line help?). But no, Georgia will not win. To Hell with Georgia.

LSU over UGA.

Annie:

LSU because a tiger could beat a bulldog

LSU over UGA

7 USC @ 24 Cal

Slate:
Cal got pantsed last week by Oregon. Jahvid Best was "contained" and Cal's offense was shot down. This was done by an average defense. USC, however, has a defense that if properly motivated could prevent a bayonet charge by British regulars circa 1800. It's over early.

USC over Cal.

Iroquois:

Javhid Bust? He usually sucks against USC, so in spite of a Jonny Gomes Competent performance by Best...

Annie:

USC because a Trojan could beat a bear

USC over Cal

USC over Cal.

Annie:

Oklahoma because its an El Nino year

OU over da U

Iroquois:
8 Oklahoma @ 17 Miami

No Bradford, no problem. Remember, Miami only beat GA Tech so bad because Miami is uniquely suited to match up against GA Tech's offense because of the speed of the defense.

OU over Meeeami, papi.

Slate:
Last week Miami's offense was eviscerated thanks to Va Tech alternating between insane mega blitzes and soft cover 2 defenses. It was up to Jacory Harris to figure out what happened. Most of the time, he did not figure it out until he was either sacked, picked or forced to run for his life. Oklahoma's defense is a puzzle, like most Big XII teams, because we don't know how it will work against a real offense (no, BYU is not a real one... their defense however is real). This will be closer than most expect.

OU over da U


22 Michigan @ Michigan State

Iroquois:
Tate En-Forcier and the running game defeat a disheartened MSU squad. On another note, they should have let Golden Tate fall on his face.

Michigan over Michigan State.

Slate:
My heart (and something else) tells me to go with MSU, because they have lost 3 games by less than a score. Also somehow, this Michigan's first trip away from the freindly confines. Four straight games at home against terrible terrible terrible defenses lead to four wins and the world salivating at their comeback. Yet, my brain tells me that somehow MSU will not win this. Michigan State's defense has looked slow and for some reason does not blitz. Blitzing, it turns out, is what kills freshman QBs on the road... particularly at a rivals house. If MSU blitzes frequently and Michigan does their stupid "snap within 20 seconds" thing, MSU can win simply on ball control... and it's been proven by all teams that you can run on the Wolverine defense.

Yet something tells me MSU will lose this game due to some stupid thing like a late turnover or a bad gameplan. They can and should win because Michigan has been dining on cupcakes and wildly overrated teams from South Bend, Indiana. Yet something tells me Michigan will win and win big even though I would personally hate to see that happen because MSU has been losing games almost because it is written, not because they suck.

Meeshagan over Michigan State

Annie:

Michigan State because Sparty is the best mascot ever

MSU over U of M

25 Ga Tech @ Miss. St.

Iroquois:
Despite nearly pulling it out against LSU, I can't foresee State getting the fire back so quickly. Young teams rarely do.

Ga Tech over State.

Slate:
Mississippi State almost got their annual upset over a big team in the SEC last week. They came within about 2 inches and a lucky deflection by a defender from winning. It all depends on which GT offense that shows up. GT's Miami game offense which was painful to watch... or GT's UNC game offense which was a smoothly oiled machine. In a shocker, I take:

MSSU over GT!

Annie:
Georigia Tech because they probably have engineers

GT over MSSU

Washington @ Notre Dame

Iroquois:

Sark it to me!

Worshington over Notre Dumb.

Slate:
Washington celebrated the victory over USC with a loss to Stanford. Will they rebound against a super overrated Notre Dame team (yes i know they aren't even ranked)? Yes. ND survived a against a bad Purdue team but looked like Rocky Balboa after the fight in Rocky I. I think Washington becomes everyone's favorite team by finally crushing the ND BCS hope train.

U-Dub over Notre Lame.

Annie:

Washington because I'm not Catholic

UW over ND

The Best (and worst) in the West

By Annie Detroit

The NHL season is upon us. The season opens with two games in Stockholm, Sweden between the Detroit Red Wings and the St. Louis Blues. I'm expecting both of these games to feel like home games for Detroit being that half of their roster is Swedish and played for the gold medal hockey team in the '06 Olympic games. The tickets for both games sold out with minutes of them being released, so that will make Darth Bettman, regardless, so I'm sure he did that on purpose.
Anyway, here's the scoop on the West:

Anaheim Ducks
I don't think this is the year the team changes their name to the "California Mighty Ducks of Anaheim," but it seems to be on the horizon. But the Ducks are no longer Mighty have been showing that as of late. They squeaked into the playoffs last season only to make a quick exit in the first round. The off-season acquisition of the Flying Finn Saku Koivu could really pay off to aide Scott Niedermeyer in leading a young Ducks team. Though Jonas Hiller took the starting goaltender job from Jean-Sebastien Giguere last season, Hiller should be careful he doesn't lose the job to another newcomer. Watch for youngsters James Wisniewski and Nick Boynton to step as the top youths. The Pacific Division seems to change from year to year, so if the Ducks want to prevail they'll need to do well against their inter-division opponents.

Calgary Flames
Coach Mike Keenan made another unceremonious exit as he was released by the Flames after a disappointing first round loss last season. This was Keenan's 8th NHL team and was last heard to be preparing for a tour of the Minneapolis Metropolitan Pee-Wee hockey league. Good luck, Mr. Keenan.
As for the Flames and new head coach Brent Sutter, I wouldn't expect them to challenge for the Division Championship barring a meteor striking the other arenas of the Northwest Division. With very few pick ups over the summer, plus a new coach and new system the team needs to learn, the Flames will have enough on their plate to keep them busy without worrying about leading the division. Don't be surprised if they miss the playoffs this year.

Chicago Blackhawks
Since the death of infamous owner Bill Wirtz, once quoted as saying that he would never finance a winning team because "Stanley Cups cost too much," the Hawks have been flying high. The Central Division war between the Blackhawks and Red Wings will be worth keeping an eye on throughout the season, as I am predicting that one of the two will represent the Western Conference in the Stanley Cup Finals come spring. While the signing of Marian Hossa was the biggest name they brought in this off-season, keep in mind that Hossa was bothered by a shoulder injury late in the postseason. Ex-Devil John Madden will also add some help up front, taking the place of departed Samuel Pahlsson. The coaching staff has high expectations for goalie Cristobal Huet, with so much confidence they were able to drop The Bulin Wall.

Colorado Avalanche
The Avs have diminished into a shadow of what they once were (much to my despire, I assure you). Since they moved from Quebec in 1995, this is the first year they'll have to rebuild. With no real players of note (especially since Joe Sakic announced his retirement), and no exceptional acquisitions this past summer, the team will be looking towards new coach Joe Sacco for guidence back towards the light. Bringing in former Florida back-up Craig Anderson to start (that's how you know it's bad), don't look for the Avs to make post-season. But don't worry Av fans, people in Detroit will always hate you.

Columbus Blue Jackets
Congratulations, B.J.s! You did it! You made the playoffs! What? You got swept in the first round? Oh...well...this is awkward...Oh? And you sent one of your top scoring forwards back to division rival Detroit? Um...you don't think you're going to make the playoffs this year, do you?
Your only goal scorer now is Rick Nash, your goaltender Steve Mason is in his sophomore (slump?) season, and even though your coach Ken Hitchcock has lost all kinds of weight, I still think he looks like the former manager of the Undertaker, Paul Bearer. If you guys want to have a shot, someone besides Nash is going to have score goals, and someone besides Mason is going to have to keep the puck out of the net (i.e. defensemen). Good luck and God's speed.

Dallas Stars
The biggest reason the Stars were in the news last season was the Sean Avery debacle (now making trouble with the Rangers). With a new GM in Joe Nieuwendyk and new coach Marc Crawford (still lookin' spiff with his 'doo), the Stars are hoping to make the playoffs ::insert thumbs up here::!

Crawford is part of an elite squad of the NHLs epic hair styles

Actually, without acclaimed GM Brett Hull, the Stars already have a better chance of making the playoffs than they did last year. Though several of their core players have taken off (Sergei Zubov went off to Russia, Brendan Morrison went to meet up with Ovechkin), the Stars are also looking to rebuild. Crawford has a tall order in front of him, but given his track record, it would be difficult to find someone better suited for the task.

Detroit Red Wings
As former coach Jacques Demers once said, "We gotta lotta yoot and a bunch a utter guys." By dropping Chris Chelios, the Wings have already dropped the average age of the team by 70 years. The re-acquisition of Jason Williams will give the Wings some more power up front, with the defensive duo of Lidstrom and Rafalski in charge of protecting Osgood. Goaltending may be the only question mark for Detroit this year, with Osgood's inconsistency and a lifetime minor-leaguer Jimmy Howard the only other option. Though Ozzie often comes up big come playoff time, the Wings will be jockeying for the top spot in the division all year with soaring Chicago. Anything less than a division win will greatly deflate the Wings egos and could effect their play in the post season. Look for yoots Justin Abdelkader (former Spartan!) and Ville Leino to get more action and score some goals for Detroit.

Edmonton Oilers
After missing the playoffs for the third straight season, Edmonton will be looking for some big time improvements. The acquisition of Nikolai Khabibulin was a start. Khabi is getting older, but like fellow AARP goalie Marty Brodeur, hasn't lost much. Another big change for this team came behind the bench. Ex-Oiler Craig MacTavish was let go for journeyman coach Pat Quinn. GM Steve Tambellini worked so hard over the off-season attempting to recruit Dany Heatley, that he forgot to try to get anyone else that could help this Oiler's offense. Chris Minard coming over from Pittsburgh may not be enough to propel Edmonton into the playoffs, but they will battle with Calgary for a potential eight seed.


Los Angeles Kings
The Kings are another team in the West that are going to have a rebuilding year. After finishing last in the division last season, the team went out and got Ryan Smith from the ailing Avalanche. They were also able to re-sign defenseman Jack Johnson (though Tom O'Leary opted for the European leagues). Watch for center Anze Kopitar to turn some more heads this year with his scoring drive. The Kings are also putting a lot of stock in 21-year-old Jonathan Bernier to mind the LA net this year and many years in the future. The Kings are really trying to build from the ground up, putting a lot of responsibility on their recent draft picks rather than looking for major trades. This may pay off for them a few years down the road, but don't expect to see their names on the playoff schedules this year.


Minnesota Wild
After missing the playoffs by only a few points, the Wild went into overhaul this summer. They fired their original GM, the head coach resigned, and they let of the last original Wild. Of all the recent expansion teams, many say they have been the most successful. I would agree but modify: They are the only one of the expansion teams to have any success. Even some of the others that have made they playoffs have made such unceremonious exits that it's not really worth calling them successes. I think it's because Minnesota actually deserves to have a hockey franchise and their first one never should've left! The addition of Martin Havlat will bring some points up front, and it will be a close race at the end of the season for Minnesota to make the playoffs.

Nashville Predators
The Preds took a step back this summer by exporting seven members of the team and bringing in a dude who played in Finland last year...cha-ching! Well, it's not like they're in a tough division...oh, wait. Everyone else in the division made the playoffs last year? Yikes! Steve Sullivan will once again be called upon to lead this inexpereinced team to what will probably be another disappointing season in the Music City. Not like anyone cares out there. Pekka Rinne will take the starting goaltender position, one that hasn't been kept warm for more than year since Tomas Vokoun left. Look for a kid named Jonathon Blum on the back line for Nashville this year. Last year's CHL defensive player of the year may help out to keep the goals against down the Preds.

Pheonix Coyotes
The biggest headline the Coyotes have made recently all have to do with the controversy over their sale. The Not-So-Great One is no longer behind the bench, in his place, former defenseman Ulf Samuelsson. The 'Yotes still have Shane Doan to tread the waters, but with a team that hasn't been competetive in several seasons. Bringing in Adrian Aucoin from Calgary for the blue line will help and may be paired with Jim Vandermeer. Goaltending will be fickle all year as Ilya Bryzgalov steps in again. It's difficulut to say if the Coyotes are even working towards the playoffs but rather fighting to stay alive with all of the financial troubles. Expect small crowds at the rink and a last place finish.

San Jose Sharks
The Sharks were the winners of the big Dany Heatley contest. While Heatley will bring some scoring prowess to the lineup (if he wants to), the Sharks still have some forces in the lineup like Patrick Marleau and Rob Blake. The sharks did trim of the fat this off-season as well, waving good-bye to Jeremy Roenick and Claudia Lemieux (HALLELUJAH!). The Sharks also sent quite a few other players packing, including goalie Brian Boucher and Jonathan Cheechoo. While I'm predicting the Sharks to do well in such a disparate division, I wouldn't put all my money on them quite yet come post-season. It would be very easy for the Sharks to go down on one stumble on the way to the playoffs. They have what they need to compete in their division, but it may not be enough to hold up against the rest of the top teams in the conference.

St. Louis Blues
Well, last year the Blues made the playoffs despite the fates being against them. Budding star Erik Johnson, scorer Paul Kariya, and captain Eric Brewer all had surgery to repair injuries. Not only did they persevere and comfortably make the playoffs, they also had the best record in the second half of the regular season. Imagine what they'll do with their big guns back in the lineup. Andy Murray will have to make sure that the younsters on this team keeps their heads on straight. Just because the injured guys are coming back into the lineup means they'll have it on Easy Street this year. Chris Mason will have some of the heat taken off of him as the starter with solid back-up Ty Conklin coming over from Detroit to help him out. Don't overlook the Blues in the fight for the top spot in the Central Division. They will challenge both Detroit and Chicago.

Vancouver Canucks
The Canucks will be making a real push to dominate the Northwest Division this year and carry into the playoffs. They brought in scorers Mikael Samuelsson and Matthieu Schneider will re-signing the Sedin brothers. The only name they lost this off-season was Mattias Ohlund. They're making their push for the Cup this year. They'll be lead by the Sedins and goalie Roberto Luongo. I'm predicting they'll run the division. Whether or not they'll take Stanley will be up to them. Don't forget about Pavol Demitra, he can score, too. Picking up Christian Erhoff and Brad Lukowich from San Jose will also add some muscle to a bulked (and expensive) lineup. Oh, and don't forget, Vancouver is hosting the Winter Olympics this year. Watching medals and a Stanley be awarded in this city would be a storybook ending for the fans here.

I Never Gave Up on the Lions

By Annie Detroit

I was able to finish my latest mission with time left over to attend Sunday's Lions game against the Washington Redskins. I'll admit I wasn't really expecting them to win, though as with the last 19 games and for the years prior, I was hopeful.

The company I was with wasn't as optimistic

Being a fan of in Michigan for the most part is much like riding a roller coaster. At the top of the hill we have the Red Wings, sometimes the Pistons, Shock (though no one watches the Shock, they are usually in the top of the WNBA for what its worth), and whichever D1 college decides to play well in a particular year. At the bottom of the hill, the Lions have made a permanent home and are sometimes (though not this year) visited by the Tigers and the whichever D1 college didn't decide to play well.
But just because the Lions set up shop in the cellar doesn't mean one should give up. The Tigers were abysmal throughout most of the 90's and the Red Wings were the Dead Things through the 70's and 80's. The Pistons dropped after their back-to-back championships in the early 90's. The trend is they all came out of it. For the Red Wings, it was 42 years between Stanley Cups. For the Lions, it looks like it's going to take longer. But look on the bright side...William Clay Ford is really old and will hopefully die soon! As soon as the Chicago Blackhawks hated own Bill Wirtz died, the Hawks make a playoff run and threaten to win the Central Division! Maybe that's all it will take for the Lions, too.
So don't give up, Lions fans, the day will come, they will one day be a contender. For the older Detroit fans who may not live longer than Ford, well, at least you got to see the Lions win championships in the 50's?
And let's all look on the bright side, at least Scott Mitchell isn't here anymore!

Can anyone stop the Klitschkos?

By Annie Detroit

With the incredibly boring weekend college football had this weekend--despite some of the upsets--the most exciting thing I watched this weekend was the Saturday night boxing match between WBC Heavyweight champ Vitali Klitschko and Cristobel Arreola. And this was in no way a close match.

Dr. Iron Fist holds a Ph.D. in sports medicine

Much of the pre-fight talk surrounded on the vast age difference between the Arreola and Klitschko. Would Cristobel finally wear the big man down? Klitschko had never lost a fight before tonight through the scorecard or knock-out. Only two losses--the most notable to Lenox Lewis four years ago--were from the referee stopping the fight due excessive bleeding on the part of Vitali's face.
Arreola trailed in punches thrown and landed the whole fight. He didn't land anything of great impact until the 4th round when he finally connected on a few while Klitschko was sitting back on his heels. His nose opened up in the 8th which provided much needed distraction from the insightful advice from his corner coach (my favorite, "Keep your feet under you"). The 8th round also brought 13 landed punches for the guy who wants to be the next Jack Johnson, his highest of the match.
The fight ended after the 10th round when the ref stopped it after it looked like Arreola's was just going out there to get the crap kicked out of him. There was no way he was going to win anyway, so I guess it makes sense. Arreola's made himself look better by crying at the end of the fight (actually that made him look worse).
The sad part was Arreola was supposedly the biggest competition the WBC champion has seen in several years or will see in the immediate future. Vitali and his brother Wladimir are probably the two best fighters probably in the world right now. While Vitali made it clear after the fight with Arreola, Cris has what it takes to be heavyweight champion some day. Well, after watching this fight that doesn't hold much hope for the futre of boxing, because this fight reminded me of a scene from Indiana Jones...the one where this guy jumps out of nowhere with this fancy sword fighting, and Jones just shoots him like he's nothing.
It seems to me that right now the only boxers who could beat the Klitschkos are, in fact, the Klitschkos. The fact that they vowed never to fight each other in a professional match could mean that these two will not be beat until they either decide to break this pact or until they both retire. Wladimir hold the IBF, WBO, and IBO heavyweight titles. That's four belts between the brothers. That's alot. I really think it is going to take either retirement on the part of these brothers or a Rocky type no name fighter to shock the world.
So why isn't Klitschko the household name that Tyson and Holyfield are? Because they're not American? Possibly. But really it's because nobody relaly cares about boxing. And that's kind of sad. What better time could be had then watching two guys get thrown into a box with each other and their only instructions are to beat the living piss out of the other guy? Really? So my advice is to watch boxing. Also, you should watch the Klitschkos. Probably the only reason these two aren't more popular than Mike Tyson is because they aren't assholes like he was. They're actually act respectfully being figures for their sport. Who woulda thought? Professional athletes who aren't dumb and embarrass the entire human race? Shirely, not.

Blood is Best

By Annie Detroit

Growing up in Canada, there really is only one sport that matters…curling. Unfortunately, it couldn’t quite quench that unendurable thirst I felt for violence and blood. So I turned the second most popular sport, hockey. I remember back in the day after a long day at the dojo with my family, huddling around the television and watching Hockey Night in Canada (with the original music, not this new crappy one…what’s with the bagpipes, are we Irish!?) I dreamed of one day suiting up and carrying on the great traditions of Bob Probert, Tie Domi, and Dave “Tiger” Williams. But I knew I was destined for other things. It wouldn’t be until years later that I realized working for [DELETED INFORMATION] and traveling the world to foil the world’s criminal masterminds, that my work serves a different purpose. I remember once when I was in [DELETED INFORMATION], I was just about to [DELETED INFORMATION] and I [DELETED INFORMATION] with my gun…that was funny, it popped right back in.

I digress. Having never visited the southern regions of the United States (my company was never able to secure the Visas for such a visit), I am thankful for my colleagues and the knowledge they will be able to provide you on the things to which I remain ignorant. Especially when relating to our food theme. For instance, I have no idea what “sweet tea” is, or “lemonade.” I only know of two kinds of beverages introduced in my youth, Labatt and Molson. Though to eat, I certainly delve into my carnivoristic nature.

I prefer the one on the left

I have pledged my undying allegiance to the Detroit Red Wings for many reasons. Their plethora of Hall of Fame players (Gordie Howe, Ted Lindsay, Sid Abel, Glenn Hall, Terry Sawchuk, soon to be inductee Steve Yzerman) as well as the other famous/infamous players from my youth (Vladimir Konstantinov, Bob Probert, Stu Grimson, Pat Verbeek, and Joey Kocur). These upstanding citizens were great ambassadors to the game. It wasn’t until March 26, 1997 that I was rewarded for my loyalty. Blood, violence, Colorado pansies sprawled across the ice…it was the greatest day of my life.

Well, that’s enough chit-chat for now, I don’t want to be late to [DELETED INFORMATION] where I’ll be [DELETED INFORMATION]. Ta-ta for now.