Obama backs Saints; Republicans Back Colts

by Slate Quicksilver

In an ABCNews interview with Diane Sawyer, President Obama pointed out that although he thinks "both teams are terrific," he is pulling for the Saints to win the Super Bowl. Citing the fact that N'awlins has been through a bunch of bad times lately and what the Saints mean to their city, he is pulling for them. Additionally, President Obama went a bit off track and actually broke the game down a little bit:

"The Saints are a great example of spreading the wealth. QB Drew Brees throws, with regularity, to any of his 4 dynamite wide receivers and large group of fantasy football middle class RBs. I think that they could spread the Colts out a little bit an attack the right side of the defense with slants and digs. Going against Peyton Manning isn't something anyone looks forward to, on defense, but a blitzing strategy with a 'Yes We Can' attitude could keep Manning's damage to a minimum. I think the game will be high scoring, and if you want a guess, I say it'll be 59-41, Saints."

Republicans rushed to attack the President's claims. House Minority Leader John Boehner (not pronounced as hilariously as you would hope... R-OH) slammed the President for calling the Saints' running back corp "middle class... Reggie Bush was an all-time great college football player. He is anything but 'middle class'. He dates Kim Kardas... Kardonsh... The girl whose step dad is that Olympian fella. You can't be middle class and go out with a gold digger of that proportion!" Sean Hannity, of FOXnews, on his television "program" dug into the President claiming that "rooting for a team who distributes the ball evenly to a bunch of RBs and WRs of multiple talents levels is even more proof of his radical Socialist ideals."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, in between signing blank checks to anyone who walked up to her asking for money, quickly stated that she was "rooting for whoever we're (the Democrats) rooting for. Now excuse me while I get a new pen. This is the second pen to run out of ink on me today." Senate Majority leader Harry Reid politely mentioned, when asked what he thought about the game "I think that Saints will win because they have more neg... players of African-American... can I say that?... descent. African-American players are simply faster and quicker than their white or Mexica... Hispanic roots." In related news, the NAACP is calling for a resolution to have Harry Reid not come within 100 feet of a microphone connected to a recording device.

Karl Rove jumped on the President, saying that rooting against the Colts is "insulting to the Haitian people because that one negro who plays flanker for Indianapolis is of Haitian descent." When asked who she thought was going to win the Super Bowl, Former Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin pledged her support behind the Dallas Mavericks. Governor Bobby Jindal, Republican Governor of the state of Louisiana, whose support was thought to be hard to get added this: "President Obama's supporting of the Saints shows just how against traditional values he is! The Colts let their QB call the plays, just like the way the game was played when were young and growing up. Rooting against that is to root against time tested values."

As a result, the Republican National Committee held an emergency meeting to pass a resolution that "Prays to the one and only God, Jesus Christ, to lead the traditional Colts to victory over the liberal and Godless Saints in Super Bowl XLVI." When pointed out that it is really Super Bowl XLIV by a reporter at the press conference, RNC chairman Michael Steele apologized stating that they were still "trying figure this whole new computer thing out" and that they had "asked John McCain to type up the release, so really it's his fault."

A national poll on CBS shows that 64% of all Americans want the Saints to win with a margin of error of 3%. Democrats are taking this national opinion and working hard to squabble over what the margin of victory will be. "Blue-Dog" democrats see a close game in the 20s while the Liberal Hippie Democrats from Left Coast see a high scoring game, but are careful not to alienate their political counterparts and state that they see the Saints "barely winning."

Collectively, the Republicans are pretty sure that the Colts will win. This is piggybacking the recent shocking win in Massachusetts for Ted Kennedy's former seat by Republican Scott Brown. "If we can win in Massachusetts, I know we can win the Super bowl!" said Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss.

It is very clear that whoever wins Super Bowl XLIV will more than likely win out in the mid-term elections. The winning party of that, of course will win when Obama goes on to challenge whichever candidate the Republicans limp to the barn with in 2012.