Why the BCS Game Will Not Stand for "Bama Championship Smackdown"

by Slate Quicksilver

Iroquois did a solid job telling you why Alabama should win the game. I am inclined to agree, as I predict a blasting of Texas into the Stone Age. But allow me to play the devil's advocate and tell you why Texas could win the game.

Reason #1: The Texas Defense

The Longhorns have a defense that is certainly stout. Stout even in normal terms, not just in BigXII terms. BigXII defensive stoutness in 2008 was a synonym for "Jello." This defense doesn't fit that mold (ba-da CHING!) and in fact is pretty damn good. This is thanked largely in part to defensive coordinator Will Muschamp getting a second year with this defense. Although they lost sackmaster Brian Orakpo to the draft, the defense was still fearsome and forced turnover after turnover.

Muschamp getting the D to improve as rapidly as it did is thanks to his intense style of play, intense style of coaching and intense style of everything (full disclosure: only one was not involving Muschamp). He is getting better recruits and better play from the current players and that is a scary thought. The BigXII with actual defenses would be like a nuclear Iran, it is a danger to everyone else in their area. The Texas D will also be helped by the lack of an Alabama offense. All it has become is a series of and passes to Mark Ingram followed by the ever present drag route from Julio Jones and the rare throw deep to X receiver. That's really it.

Oh, and remember that Auburn beat Alabama in 2006 and 2007: the two years Muschamp was the D-Coordinator at Auburn and before that he was Nick Saban's DC at LSU and in the NFL with the Dolphins.

Consider your mind M-F-ing blown.

Reason #2: Texas could totally invade Alabama and win

Notable "historians" and military enthusiasts have always wondered, if all of the states fought each other, who would win? "Always" meaning "since college football started" because let's face it; maybe your rival beat you, but seeing as how they are from Indiana and you are from California, you can always rest assured that if the shit went down between those two states, California would reach Indianapolis in 2 days, tops, and plant the Bear flag on the steps of their Capitol building and have everyone listening to Sublime within a fortnight.

This is not at all about the military, this is about the populations of the states, defensive terrain and the pre-conceived knowledge about the people fighting. It is also important to note that the state with a larger population always invades the less populated state. Example: New Jersey is small and hard to defend, yet those people are all packing and are in fact, not even human at all. Pennsylvania could ostensibly attack New Jersey, but consider that PA only has 4 million more people than NJ and consider the Amish, old people and just general "white as milk" population in the rural areas. It would come down to the Philly reserves and Pittsburgh Steel workers to take Newark and I wouldn't put any money on it.

So we come to Texas vs. Alabama. Texas has a 20 million person advantage in population. Alabama is mostly flat land, but has it's share of rivers and swampland. Alabama's populace cannot be underestimated in a brawl for any number of reasons but the people from Texas are, well, people from Texas.

Texas, if they were to invade Alabama, would send the McCoy flank to take Mobile and the Norris Flank to take Huntsville in a matter of hours. From there a pincer like maneuver would take place sending the McCoy flank sweeping through the southern flat lands and the Norris flank through the northern hills while the bulk of the Texans lead by Mack Brown would charge through Tuscaloosa and Birmingham until it swept south to link up with the McCoy contingent in Montgomery. The Jordan Shipley brigade will split wide north with the McCoy flank to secure the interior lowlands. Montgomery would fight hard, but would fall after 2 days of fighting, maybe. All deserters and enemies would be subjected to the electric chair, seeing as how that's what Texans do for a hot time on weekend evenings during the football off-season.

Pincer like military maneuvers are very effective in flat to slightly hilly terrain, making Alabama a perfect place for Texas to perform one.

More than likely, Talladega would be the last stand for the Alabamians. Most treasured possessions are usually the last things to fall. Estimated time of full victory at Talladega: 3 years. That's because Vince Young will be leading that charge and, as we all know, it takes Vince Young 3 years to finally get "it" right. "It" includes, but is not limited to, College Football, NFL football, life, friendships and dog training.

Only one of these things is actually relevant to the game but I'll leave up to you, the dear reader, to figure that out.

Basically Texas needs a low scoring game.

Nebraska wrote the recipe for knocking Texas on their asses, but you can't completely shut them down. Texas will put up points, but will Alabama? Texas will put up at least 13 points. The question is: "How many points will Alabama score?" A shootout leads to an Alabama victory solely on the Tide's powerful defense which will eventually put the Longhorn defense in snooze mode, so a low scoring defensive puntfest is what Texas wants. Oddly enough, that's what Nick Saban probably wants as well. Texas can win, but they can't let it be a shootout.

So there you have, folks. College football = over. How sad. We will mourn the loss of the season in the coming days with wrapups, eulogies and other types of recognition. We will be reordering the schedule shortly and maybe even adding a new contributor(!) thus giving you more content to scrutinize and yell about. The 2010 college football season won't being until (probably) September 4th... nearly 8 long months away. So enjoy the game tonight!