US vs. Canada The Rematch

By Annie Detroit

We are hours away from the rematch between the United States and Canada in men's hockey, the most important sport in the host country of this year's Olympics. While team Canada will have the home crowd to support them, they are going into this game knowing that the weight of their country is on their shoulders. For the US: Well, they are coming in as underdogs, so should they end up walking away with the silver, they can still hold their heads up high with their best finish since the 2002 games in Salt Lake City. But if you look at the numbers, the two teams are very evenly matched.

What's Going for Canada
Not only does Canada have home ice advantage, they also boast better offensive numbers than the US with players having scored 3 goals or more and team that has scored 32 goals in this tournament compared to the US's 22 team goals. Jerome Iginla leads all Olympians with 5 goals but only 6 points. Roberto Luongo has held steady since coming in for Martin Brodeur after the 5-3 loss to the US in the round robin play, stopping 91% of shots faced and sporting a slim 1.75 GAA.

Jonathan Toews leads the tournament with a +9 rating, showing that he can make plays. All of his points are assists, so they'll really need him to make some big plays this afternoon.

Why Canada Should Worry
Canada was the front runner to win this tournament before the rosters were even finalized. But with a close shootout win over Switzerland and the embarrassing loss to the US (it was embarrassing because they just didn't play well), the spirits and confidence of the players is shaken. Making a goalie change in the middle of the tournament is often considered a desperate move. It paid off for Canada since they won their next three. However, Luongo has allowed 7 goals in three games while the US's Ryan Miller has allowed 6 goals in the entire tournament. Canada needs to play exponentially better than they have shone throughout the tournament in order to stop a high-flying US team.

Sidney Crosby only has 3 goals in this tournament. His country will really be looking for him to have the game of his life

What's Going for the US
The US team is in the driver's seat going into this game. Canada has all this pressure to win and prove that they are the hockey Mecca of the world on their own soil. The disappointment of a loss to the US would devastate the team and the entire country. What if the US loses? We shrug our shoulders and say, "Yeah, well, we were playing Canada. We still did pretty well."

Though there isn't as much pressure on the US team to pull off gold, there should be. The US has been the dominate team in this tournament despite only having scored 22 goals. The reason: goaltender Ryan Miller (out of Michigan State University, in case you were wondering). He has been the best player in the entire tournament, hands down. He has stopped 95% of shots faced...in NHL talk that means a 1.04 GAA and has allowed 5 goals in 5 games. His worst game was when he allowed 3 goals against Canada but still stood on his head.

If they gave a Conn Smythe trophy in the Olympics, Ryan Miller would win

Other than Ryan Miller playing out of his mind, the team's best scorer right now is (oddly enough) Brian Rafalski (another Michigan native, not that I'm biased). 4 goals in 2 straight games including 2 against team Canada in the first meeting would never be seen during an NHL game, but helpful nonetheless. Zach Parise has 7 points and leads US forwards.

Why the US Should Worry
Canada is sore from the loss in the round robin play, so they will be coming out of the gate with guns blazing. The US defense will have to stay on their toes and the offense will have to have good puck control to keep it in the Canada end. Canada will be playing aggressive and desperate hockey and the US needs to be prepared. They will be looking at Ryan Miller to pull out one more amazing performance because he will be facing a barrage of Canadian shots. They can't let Canada wear them down.

The Prediction

My hockey mentor Don Cherry is picking Canada to win this game with a score of 5-3. After much debate and inner monologuing, I've decided that this game really could go either way. Canada could come out and rack up 5 goals in the first, and the US could possibly chase another goaltender from the Canada net. But since I have to make a prediction...I'm going to say that Ryan Miller does pull one more Oscar winning performance out of his butt and the US takes the gold with a score of 3-2. I think it's going to be a good game regardless, and no one south the international border will be disappointed no matter what the outcome.

But no matter what the score is, according to Gary Bettman, the NHL wins...apparently...God I hate this guy.

Sweden's Miracle on Ice

By Annie Detroit

While we can rag on NBC for any number of follies, mistakes, and just plain absurdities in their broadcast of this year's Olympic Games; there is one area where they delivered on their promise...curling. There has been more curling on TV this year than I can ever remember.

Last night we were all able to witness what may be one of the biggest upsets of this year's games (aside from maybe the Sven Kramer speed skating coach incident).

Team Sweden in women's curling pulled off a stunning upset last night over Team Canada to take home their second straight gold medal from the Olympics.

Well, if they're the defending champions, how was it an upset?

While the sport of curling was created in Scotland, the Canadians consider it their sport for having perfected it. Being that the games this year are in Canada, there were high expectations for both men's and women's curling to bring in gold.

Canada posted four unanswered points going into the final end with a 6-4 lead. Sweden's Anette Norberg tied the game with a deuce to send it to an extra end. She was able to sneak one in near the button and it was up to Canada's Cheryl Bernard to peel it away in order to take the point and the gold. The line looked good as her sweepers dug into the ice, but it wasn't enough to knock the stone out of the house, and the Swedes began their celebration.

The Canadian men look to continue their dominance of the this year's curling tournament and take their gold against Norway and try to salvage half of the curling tournament. I don't need to tell you when and what channel the game will be broadcast, you'll see Norway's pants right away.

In Transit...

by Slate Quicksilver

A post is coming but this one is not it. We are currently en transit to a city.

Geographic Clues:
Midwestern US
Beacon of population amongst a sea of nothing
Good Food
Terrible Sports teams

Taking of care of business here, folks, but please enjoy this. Particularly if you are wrapped up in the Nor'Easter that is bringing the northeastern quad to its knees and making usually civil New Englanders revert to martial law. (Note: Martial law in Connecticut is equivalent to an Earth Day Parade in Utah).

While you are freezing, take solace in this song, which will certainly warm your cockles.

Don't be afraid of the synthesizers, it's ok, that's just 1972 calling and he's looking for maybe a light toke and a maybe a little afternoon delight to top it off. Stoner boner is a tough fix, even with all of the Coors Banquet beers he's put back, but don't worry, he trimmed his trash 'stache, and there aren't strings attached. In fact, 1972's only over because you're both single, it's 3:30 and the local ball game ain't on til five on channel 3.

When the jasmines are in bloom, July will be dressed up and playing her tune, indeed.

In Praise of Pepsico's Throwback Promotion

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

One of the things that has oft-divided this great nation is which brand of dark caramel colored and flavored sugar water you prefer. We are not short on options, though mostly it boils down to Coca-Cola versus Pepsico. I don't mean to diminish the contributions of Sam's Choice or RC Cola or Jones Soda (which I should, as you'll later see, ostensibly be praising), but let's be honest. The big cola money simply resides in those two.

I'm not entirely certain of the soda (or pop, as one writer on this site is apt to say) preferences in this site's reader base, but allow me to paint with a broad brush here--those of us from the southern part of the United States are more likely to prefer Coca-Cola and those from the northern part are more likely to prefer Pepsi. I have really only the empirical evidence from my life to back this up. When I was but a young lad, most places where I was from only served Coke. My parents did the sensible thing with substitute goods--they bought the one on sale. Indeed, Coke v. Pepsi is often the textbook economic example of a substitute good. As I got older, however, and considerably more eccentric, I began to develop a preference.

Nowadays, the only soda I normally consume (outside of bars as a mixer) is typically Coke Zero, in part because I have grown to like it, but also in part because I have had a falling out with Hugo Chavez and this is my way of passive-aggressively informing him. Recently, I have found that Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like Regular Dr. Pepper than one may give credit for. The development that captured my heart, though, was Pepsi's Throwback promotion.

For those not familiar, Pepsi Throwback uses the older variant of cola formation, most specifically the use of (what I assume is) cane/beet sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup, one of my mortal enemies. Without delving into the political side of things, it is my belief that HFCS is one of the stronger causes of obesity in this country, which is why I personally avoid it whenever possible. Nevertheless and setting that point aside, I have found from this promotion that soda just flat out tastes better with sugar. For more HFCS resources and critcisms/defenses, click here.

What are the differences in the sodas? HFCS sodas just taste like syrupy water. Pure Sugar Sodas actually taste like something. There's a fuller body to the taste. You drink one and you're quite satiated for a good amount of time. No more pounding multiple sodas in a row to slake one's thirst, unless you really want to have the throwback to third grade sugar high/crash. Because you don't have to consume as many to get the sweet tooth filled, you'll end up consuming less. If you didn't get a chance to try some of the stuff, I definitely recommend picking some up next time.

So, I applaud Pepsi for rolling out this campaign. It was pretty tough to find any PT cans around town, but there's been an ample stock of Mountain Dew cans. Alas, the promotion ended, but I made sure to have enough to last me for a good 4 months. If only this was made into a permanent line of drinks, I would gladly pay extra to have some, but most (rational) folks would not. A pity.

Public Service Announcement / Opportunity for Free Food

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

Part of this blog's duty is to blog about food, though you may not know it. So, in light of this, it's time to alert the nation about a free food opportunity.

Today, the International House of Pancakes ("IHOP") is giving away a short stack of pancakes from 7 AM EST to 10 PM EST. Sure, there is the whole thing about maybe possibly considering donating to Children's Miracle Network just a small portion of your vast allotment of riches. But, if you're okay with being a cheap bastard who is okay with prolonging children's suffering, then free pancakes, man.

Here are the deets. Go forth and prosper.

Sports Smörgåsbord for February 22, 2010

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

Since I've got a lot of thoughts and can't pin down a topic, I'm going to throw them all out there and see what happens.

MLB - Judas Damon signs a one year deal with the Detroit Tigers, a move that makes sense, but one that fails to overwhelm. First, he's 36. Nobody post-PED-en-vogue era is going to have a career year, not to mention the inevitable padding his stats got because he was in the Yankees lineup. You've got to expect his age to catch up with him sometime. Still, a good and smart leadoff hitter will keep the Big Bopper happy (Miggy Cabrera) with the maintenance and possible exceeding of expectations in terms of R and RBI.

Second, Damon's numbers will (likely) be negatively altered by the change in ballpark. I'm expecting a reversion back a few years to his career average of about 15 HR. He also figures to have less RBI as well because of that heinous bottom of the order. Still, there's something to be said for consistency, and I'd expect to return a combination of 2004 and 2007 Damon stats, a line of something around .290, 15 HR, 80 RBI, 80 R and maybe 20 SB. That's still pretty good.

Third, his noodle arm isn't getting any better. It's never been terrific but manning LF for Detroit probably won't do him any favors. Hopefully he doesn't impact either Austin Jackson or Ryan Raburn in the quest for a better OF (I would think Mags would be the bigger opposition, at any rate). Still, Damon's lack of defense is offset by his idiocy.

NBA - Maybe there's a reason to play the rest of the games after all. The Cleve has dropped three straight since their mega-trade, including one to my favorite squadron. While this isn't any reason to freak out (it normally takes time to integrate the so-called missing piece), it's always nice to have a pleasant reminder that anything is possible in the world of sports. In the coming weeks, we should start to see teams adjust their strategy while jockeying for either lottery balls or playoff seeding, fortuitously timed with March Madness and college basketball conference tournaments.

Hockey - The United States beat Canada 5-2 in the Olympics the other day. I feel, as a pretty disinterested party in both the Olympics and Hockey, that I represent the average American, so I feel I can speak for the general public when I say, "U-S-A! U-S-A! That'll show those hosers what's what!"

However, some mere puffers are claiming this is the biggest victory since Lake Placid. Is that even remotely close to true? From what I understand, it's not like America is guaranteed a medal yet. The victory over the Pinko Commies in 1980 is one of the biggest sports events ever. Comparing this non-medal round upset of the Canadians to that game is completely and utterly blasphemous in my opinion. See, I can be overreactionary like the average bandwagon fan, too.

And finally, in the Stuff Nobody Cares About department...

It's intramural time again (at least in the warm weather states). In softball, Team Jolly Drank is 1-0 with a 13-2 victory last night. Your fearless writer has the Eli Marrero (get used to hearing his name bandied about during baseball season around here) position on lock, playing RF/C for the team and going 2-3 with 2 R. Not a bad debut, but man, am I out of shape.

Nostalgia Time: Lake Placid 1980

By Annie Detroit

I thought this next Nostalgia Time should allow us to reflect on what will never again be.





While I do believe in miracles, I do not believe that as long as NHL players play in the Olympics, another miracle will happen. With almost all of the Men's Hockey participants coming from the National Hockey League and Kontinental Hockey League, the best amatuer talent in the sport is now brushed aside to make way for what? Another two weeks we see a bunch of all-stars do what they're paid millions to do...their job.
To the players who skated on that 1980 team, hockey wasn't a job. It was a passion and lifestyle. They played so they could play. Many were convinced they wouldn't cut it in the NHL, so this was their last hoorah before they hung up their skates.
Watching these Olympics in Vancouver, I do see that passion carried on the ice, but not by the players that came from the NHL. Mats Zuccarello Aasen for team Norway caught my attention yesterday during the game between Norway and Switzerland because of his scrappy play that is a rare commodity in the NHL these days. He stands at a mere 5'7" and reminded me (and apparently the announcers) of Theo Fleury before the booze.
It was the kind of passion and love for the game that kids like him are bringing form the corners of the world. I don't really look forward to watching Canada vs. USA tonight because I will be watching two all-star teams try to out score each other, not out play each other. While Herb Brooks and the 1980 US team spent months analyzing, studying, and designing their game to beat the Soviet team, you won't see that in this new era of Olympic hockey. The players show up the day before the games, throw on a uniform, and go out there. If they win, it looks great on their resume when they file for free agency next year. If they don't win, they go back to their million dollar homes and back to their regular schedule of playing hockey for money with the hope that they'll win a Stanley Cup. The non-NHLers and non-KHLers don't have that luxury. They'll go back to Europe and their low paying jobs and hope that one day they'll get to play again. Those are the players I want to see in the Olympics, because they're the ones who play like their lives depend on it. They're the ones who are playing for their lives, just like all the other athletes in the games. That's the way it should be and that's what makes the games great.

Your NBA Status Report for the Trade Deadline, Part II - Everything Else. Presented by Stan Van Gundy's Used Auto Sales

This is an occasional series called the NBA Status Report, sponsored by our good friends at Stan Van Gundy's Used Auto Sales and Collarless Shirt Emporium. In case you're unfamiliar with Stan's work, here's a clip. Mr. Van Gundy, full time Magic coach and part time used car pitchman, will offer his opinions on things in the NBA by relating them to a used car on his lot. Take it away, Stan.

Alright, friends, part II. Here's where Stan takes a look at everything else that happened at the trade deadline and offers my not-so-humble opinion. Lots to do, so let's jump right into it.

The Big Deal - Cavs/Wizards/Clippers Trade

Do you know what I like more when making trades? Moxie. Testicular Fortitude. Gumption. This trade is absolutely LOADED with it. First, Cleveland acquires the one piece they needed to become a complete matchup nightmare---a guy who can slot into the 4/PF spot and stretch the floor, not unlike my man Rashard Lewis. If Ilgauskas comes back to them, like most expect, then Cleveland will probably have too many bodies not to be the odds-on favorite. Though, I would love to meet up with them again in the playoffs. I'll put Marcin on Z and we can have the Eastern European White Guy Ballet when it comes to gettin' rebounds. Stan's about winning, sure, but Stan is also an entertainer!

Speaking of moxie, the LAC put it all on the table. They're got cap room in the biggest FA class ever. They are making a run at LeBron, no doubt. This has to be one of the great dream scenarios for the NBA. A cross town rivalry with Kobe. Bright lights of LA. A megasuperstar drawing in tickets for one of the most laughed at franchises in all of sports. Hell, this could entice even Donald Sterling to spend money! The Clips would no doubt give LeBron carte blanche to pick his coach and his teammates. Talk about laying it on the line! The summer shopping season just got more interesting.

As for Washington, they did what the Clippers did, only less so, and have slightly less space to use and a much less attractive roster. Overwhelming "ehh" for them.


Chicago trades John Salmons to MIL for Hakim Warrick and Joe Alexander AND
Chicago trades Tyrus Thomas to CHA for Flip Murray, Acie Law IV, and a draft pick of unknown date and time

I lumped these two together to make one point about Chicago: they want to bring Dwyane Wade home. The net effect of these two trades is that Chi-Town can now pursue its most favored son since MJ. Would Dwyane want to come back home? Certainly never hurt anyone. Will he? Stan's going to go on the record and state that Dwyane Wade WILL sign with the Bulls in the summer. When you're a big kid and you can fulfill your dreams that you had in your youth with your future all but set, it sometimes proves too tempting to overcome.

Interestingly enough, Chicago seemingly is going to let both Milwaukee and Charlotte (CHARLOTTE!) pass them for playoff berths. They'll all be competing for perhaps the same 6-8 slots with Toronto, but do not be shocked if Chicago misses the playoffs directly because of the players they traded to these other franchises. Like the LAC, Chicago's making a big gamble on Wade over summer, something that is SVG approved, much like our 5 yr, 60,000 mile powertrain warranty on any of our fine selection of used cars. I'm so confident you'll want one of our cars that I'm gonna throw on a brand-new warranty on a used car. Talk about balls! Stan's got 'em and so do you, but you shouldn't need to use 'em when selecting one of my vehicles.

Finally, the draft pick in this deal is quite curious. John Hollinger notes that because of the rule that states a team can't dump its first rounders in consecutive years, Chicago may not realize the pick for quite some time. Paraphrasing, he notes that Charlotte owes a 2010 pick to MN. Because it's a lottery-protected pick, if Charlotte makes the lottery the next year, then that pick also goes to MN and Chicago is holding the bag until 2013. However, their 2011 pick is also conditionally owed to someone, so if that's realized, the Bulls are waiting until 2014, and so on and so forth. You'll never get this kind of confusion at Stan Van Gundy's Used Auto Sales.

The T-Mac Trade: New York, Houston, and Sac-Town

T-Mac goes to the Knicks to help clear cap room for NY's run at LeBron and Bosh/Wade (his mammoth contract expires at the end of the year). They also land Sergio Rodriguez, who is the kind of point guard needed for Mike D'Antoni's system (think a Steve Nash type, though not as good, obviously). I know I said earlier that I like gumption in deals, but this current bid by the Knicks kinda scares me. The supporting cast for the potentially two max free agents coming in is rather...bare bones. It's like buying a base level car; sure, it's a car but where the sizzle? If their gamble doesn't pay off, the Knicks will take a long time to recover. Longer than they were on pace before? Maybe.

Sacto sets themselves up with a great PF in Carl Landry. This ought to help overcome their frontcourt scoring woes. More importantly, this gives SAC some cap room for maybe a run at Joe Johnson, a taller PG with some awesome passing skills. You can then move Tyreke Evans to SG and hey, you've got yourself a little team going there.

Houston grabs Kevin Martin, an SVG favorite, and reinforces their depth at PF after trading Landry away by getting 1st rounder Jordan Hill to back up Luis Scola. They also grabbed two assumedly lottery picks from the NYK (unless the Knicks land the #1 pick this year...that's protected). They did all this while lowering payroll. Unbelievable. I thought Zeke Thomas wasn't GMing in NY anymore?

Winners of the Trade Deadline

Cleveland
Houston
Dallas
Seattle (yes, Seattle, not where they actually play)

Losers of the Trade Deadline

Phoenix
San Antonio
Phoenix again


Well, that concludes my analysis on the trade deadline. I'll try and make another appearance. I've always wanted to analyze the NCAA tournament so hopefully PLS lets Ol' Stanny try his luck there. Remember, here at Stan Van Gundy's Used Auto Sales, we stack 'em deep and sell 'em cheap. If you didn't buy from me, you paid too much, WAAYYYY TOO MUCH. Stan Van Gundy Used Auto Sales: Doin' Whatever it Takes To Earn Yer Business! Have a good one!

The Night Canada Almost Fell Into Civil War

by Slate Quicksilver

In Olympic hockey today, Canada edged by Switzerland 3-2 with a single goal in a 4 round shootout being the only difference. The Swiss had several attempts to actually knock the Canadians off in the shootout and almost had several scoring opportunities in the minutes leading up to OT and the shootout. In the end, Sidney Crosby put in the winning goal in the shootout with a low hard shot over Swiss goalie Thomas Hiller's left leg pad just before Marty Brodeur made the final save in the shootout to seal the win. The game wouldn't have even been close if not for Hiller. He stood on his head several times, robbing the Canadians of certain goals numerous times and finished with 40 saves.

One has to wonder what would have happened if Canada lost. The expectations on Canada is akin to Dallas Cowboys entering a Pop Warner league. They cannot lose, no matter what. And it almost happened. Civil War is a possibility with the factions being split on how to blame: the coaching or the players. Frankly, after watching that game, the blame belongs with the players who just thought they'd roll over a mediocre opponent. They seemingly forgot that the Swiss beat them in Torino in 2006. Canada and the US play on Sunday and seeing as how the US beat the Swiss 3-1, we should win thanks to the plainly obvious Transitive property of sports.

Team A beats Team B by X
Team C beats Team B by X - Y
Team A will beat Team C
X > Y, X > 0
Y > 0

Your NBA Status Report for the Trade Deadline, Part I - The Deals as of Noon on 2-17. Presented by Stan Van Gundy Used Auto Sales

This is an occasional series called the NBA Status Report, sponsored by our good friends at Stan Van Gundy's Used Auto Sales and Collarless Shirt Emporium. In case you're unfamiliar with Stan's work, here's a clip. Mr. Van Gundy, full time Magic coach and part time used car pitchman, will offer his opinions on things in the NBA by relating them to a used car on his lot. Take it away, Stan.

Here we are, folks. We've got the last two days before you've gotta sack up with what ya got and march on down towards the playoffs. "Stan," you may ask yourself, "don't you need to get on the phone lookin' to make deals on more than just automobiles?" First of all, glad ya worked in one of my pitch phrases. Second, that's Otis' job. Third, well, doesn't seem like we're particularly inclined to deal, despite sitting on a huge $7M trade exception. Ya know, from when we dealt away the Turkish Light in the summer.


[Analysis from Iroquois: Stan's right. There's really very little Orlando would be able to do without completely reshaping the team. What can Orlando use? Maybe a better post defender than Brandon Bass. Perhaps could use a steadier backup SG than Redick? Orlando doesn't need much in theory, but certainly acquiring a superstar rental wouldn't be easy in theory. I've yet to find a plausible deal that works out. The closest I actually came:

Orlando sends C Marcin Gortat, PF Brandon Bass, SF Mickael Pietrus and $750k to TOR
Toronto sends PF Chris Bosh to ORL

Seems a bit of a waste to sit on that exception, but Orlando only has albatross contracts and not many pretty assets.]

Anyhow, where was I? Oh yeah. Today, I'll be takin' a look at some trade-ins that already went down and tellin' you about 'em. Tomorrow, if I can, I'll look at trade deadline winners/losers. Just wanna let you folks know, though, everyone's a winner at Stan Van Gundy's Used Auto Sales, so come on down if you're thinkin' of upgrading from the harsh winter that might have torn your engine block in two. Maybe you forgot your winter tires this year. Happened to me once, and boy, was Jeff mad that his Caddy didn't return in two pieces! That's right; I know what I said.

The Seven Player Swap (J. Howard, D. Gooden, Q. Ross, & J. Singleton to WAS and C. Butler, B. Haywood, and D. Stevenson to DAL)

Lemme be honest here. As a salesman, I know when some price is jacked up. The price on this deal...ENORMOUS. Josh Howard and Caron Butler...like buying a top-end Honda and a mid-tier Acura. Virtually the same thing on the inside and outside. Only difference is that Howard can defend better than a turnstile. Hell, I think turnstiles and curtains offer more resistance than Caron Butler! Butler leaves a club with only 1.5 defenders (Haywood and sometimes Jamison) and goes to a club that doesn't emphasize defense as much. Basically, part of this deal is completely even. You swap one SF who can play SG but not so well for another.

You got your useless add-ons--Ross, Singleton, and Stevenson--who are the equivalent of a tachometer in a Lincoln Town Car. What's the point?! They were thrown in to balance salary. Another wash out.

So, we arrive at the heart of the deal. Haywood for Gooden. I'm not seeing a lot of difference here, either. Haywood plays much better defense, but Dallas doesn't focus enough on the defense to make it worth it. Maybe this'll change come playoff time, when Haywood's shot blocking prowess and post D will be needed to take care of Boozer and Millsap (or maybe even Marcus Camby...more in a second). Nonetheless, Haywood's a true C that can team up with Erick Dampier to give Dallas 12 solid fouls, above average defense, and enough prowess to allow the other to get significant rest.

For Washington, it was a chance to get cash for a clunking squad and position themselves to buy a fancy shiny max FA over the summer. For Dallas, it was for...change? I don't actually know. Just doesn't seem like the structure of the team is right to challenge for the title.



Marcus Camby to POR for Travis Outlaw and Steve Blake

Now here's something to get excited about if you're Portland. You're getting Marcus Camby, a guy who steps right in where Greg Oden left off (talk about a guy thinkin' with his dipstick!) [Ed. Note: it's a link to a Castrol Synthetic Oil Youtube video, not...that picture.--IP] Camby's like a 1998 Mercedes E-Class. He's got a lot of mileage and he's over 10 years pro, so he's not gonna be in tip-top condition anymore. And yeah, the routine maintenance will burn ya on it because they both need a lot. But, both give you extremely good value for the cost and they don't look too bad in-house either. Plus, Camby's deal expires at the end of the year, so Oden and Joel Pryzbilla don't get offended. Everybody rides!

They did give up a bit to get Camby, though. Outlaw oughta jump in right away and replace the less efficient models of Rasaul Butler and Al Thornton when they get back. Outlaw's currently on a factory recall, but he'll be back soon enough. This deal also saves money (a Sterling favorite) and gives Blake Griffin an unimpeded chance to be a focal point next year. It's not like Camby or Kaman or even Craig Smith is gonna hold him back, but there's really nobody there anymore.

As for Steve Blake, well, he'll keep the bench nice and warm for when Baron Davis' beard decides to take five. An all-around good deal for the Clips.


That's it for now, folks. Be sure to tune in the next couple of days to get my take on the NBA equivalent of a Chrysler Christmas, Toyotathon, or the Manly Hyundai Used Car Sale. That sounds awesome. I gotta get me a catchy slogan like that.

Remember, here at Stan Van Gundy's Used Auto Sales, we stack 'em deep and sell 'em cheap. If you didn't buy from me, you paid too much, WAAYYYY TOO MUCH. Come on in and drive out today, because Stan Van Gundy's deal-making skills are speedy, not greedy!

Thoughts on the Olympics

by Slate Quicksilver

Being thoroughly immersed into the Winter Olympics these past days has given me memories of past Olympics. What does that bland and formulaic sentence mean, exactly? It means that although I have enjoyed watching the Olympics so far, I am disgusted by NBC's programming. Deadspin already touched on it and Slate.com has another "Sap-o-meter" going, which keeps track of the mentions and side stories vainly trying to touch your heart. "Redemption" is up there, as is "Mom."

NBC still tries to manufacture drama, rather than just show the games. Showing 3 lugers, one of which being an American, does not count as "showing the luge event." No, we (America) is not a power in that sport, but maybe we'd like to watch it without 58 commercials and 3 human interest stories just to get you up to the 45 minutes of luge coverage so that you can say "We bring you the Luge." Perhaps, if we were a power, there would be less of a reason to watch because we would be used to the sport. OR... perhaps showing the event could inspire the next American hope!

But, no. NBC wants to continue to fail to pull at your jingoistic heart strings instead of give you substance. That's why hockey will be great. That's why speed skating was great on Saturday. It was continuous coverage of the sport. We happened to do well in speed skating (NASCAR on ice with pushing), as Apolo Ohno survived a Korean landslide (literally) and stole silver. That was amazing and great for TV.

It's not as bad as in 2002, when NBC showed the same snowboarding event 4 different times during primetime even though the Olympics were on our turf and there were several other events going on. But it certainly is a step back from 2008, or 2006 for that matter. We aren't telecasting from half the world away. We are 3 timezones away from the primary TV programming zone... not 13. Hopefully it will get better but it's probably too late as NBC has already pre-manufactured most of their human interest/emotional stories and they have to unload them somehow.

One Week 'til Players Report: Who Won the Offseason?

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

The Major League Baseball offseason has nearly come to a close, though you wouldn't know it by the weather. This is approaching one of the hallmarks of the year: March Madness, Baseball Opening, NBA Playoffs, Hockey Existing (...?), and my birthday all coincide. We should have no shortage of fodder in the upcoming weeks for your mental and physical (?) entertainment. For now, let's take a look at a few teams I think did very well in the offseason.

Seattle Mariners - I really liked the Cliff Lee acquisiton for the Mariners. They have a strong 1-2 punch with King Felix and Lee, both of whom should contend for the Cy Young this year. If Erik Bedard pulls himself together, Seattle could have a surprisingly effective 1-4 punch (I would go Lee, Hernandez, Bedard, Snell to throw a LRLR, but that won't happen). But, their problems last year were on offense. Chone Figgins isn't a slugger by any stretch of the imagination, but he should help address a team whose batting average was awful last year and provide a flexible #2 hitter behind Ichiro (or leadoff if it is so required). They still need to work on power after getting an unexpected boost from Russell Branyan last year, but for now they're taking steps in the right direction. Last but not least, they acquired Milton Bradley. Hope they're saying "Yahtzee!" at the end of the year rather than dealing with Aggravation.

Minnesota Twins - Keith Law sorta stole my thunder here, but they've had a sneaky good offseason. The Twins have a knack for employing some of my favorite fantasy baseball middle relievers who actually translate well to real life. Pat Neshek and Matt Guerrier spring to mind. Anyhow, they get a contract year out of uber-catcher Joe Mauer, another quasi-MVP year out of Justin Morneau, and added more consistent offense in the middle with Orlando Hudson. J.J. Hardy's a bit of a streaker, but in flashes, he's great (they only wish they had the legendary Nathan Andreassen). Brendan Harris should improve this year as well. If Frankie Liriano comes back and Scott Baker stops toying with his fantasy owners, they should challenge Detroit for the division next year.

Boston Red Sox - Yeah, their offense plummeted this offseason, but I think they did an alright job shoring up their defense and pitching. They overpaid a bit for Lackey, but they can afford to do that. They probably overpaid for Adrian Beltre, but he would be better this year than Mike Lowell would anyhow. Mike Cameron, Marco Scutaro, and Jose Iglesias are all solid additions, with Iglesias projected to man shortstop in a couple of years. The new rotation of Beckett, Lester, Lackey, Matsuzaka, and Buchholz ought to have confidence in the fielders behind them and should throw as such this year. To improve, they need to acquire some LHP for the bullpen.

Atlanta Braves - Just to throw an NL team out there. I wasn't super impressed with any major National League moves (way overpaid for Holliday/Bay, e.g.), but the Braves at least have something to look forward to. Tommy Hanson is still alive and kicking, which is a boon for them, plus Jason Heyward is waiting in the minors. But, even Atlanta made a couple of questionable moves. Who is this guy Rafael Soriano was traded for? Why did they give up a 1RP to sign Billy Wagner? Slate may chime in another time with his offseason winners, mostly because he's a well-documented National League fan.

Up Wednesday and Thursday: a current NBA coach gives us his opinion of the trade deadline.

What to Eat During the Great American Race

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

In what may go down as the second-least liked post of all time (aside from anything political), I have ventured a post about the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. Yes, I realize this makes me look like a rube. It may not be all that far from the truth. I keep a somewhat passing interest in the sport and I never really got back into it after The Intimidator passed away (long live #3). To wit, I'd probably go on record as saying that Tony Stewart and Carl Edwards are my favorite drivers, but I couldn't really tell you why. I guess I like the way they both turn left. That, and Tony's a great sales person (Old Spice, Burger King).

You probably don't need me to tell you that it would be easy to really take down the standards for food during this race. If I were able, I'd park my ass down on the couch and down some Hormel Chili with Liquid Biscuits and Gravy (recipe follows):

1. 1 can of Hormel Chili
2. 12 of these.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Alas, the world doesn't stop for me (though it's high time that it happens. I'm sick of adapting to everyone else).

I'd also venture a try and getting some BBQ Pork Nachos (I can't believe that tag has gotten 3 uses), but we're a looooong way from Oxford, MS. But, I would like to do something with pork, since it is a white meat and drinking nothing but Busch Diesel, Pabst, Bud Heavy, and Natty Ice would weigh on one's gut (and digestive tract) after a long while. It may be too late now to start, but I submit to y'all a simple recipe for pulled pork for sandwich use and a couple sauces to go with 'em.

A couple things to note:

1. This takes time. You'll need (at bare minimum) 3 hours for just the slow cooking itself. I would personally aim for somewhere around 5 hours, but I can understand being pressed for time.

2. The idea (in my opinion) of pulled pork is not to have it slow cooked in sauce, but to just be flavorful in and of itself. This means having just enough ingredients to make the pork fork-tender (essential for tearing the meat asunder or "pulling", if you will), but still stand well enough on its own to not require sauce.

3. You can have the pork cooked just enough to be safe to eat if you want, which is an internal temp of 165, I think. I'd personally go higher, to around 185-195, because it's easier to shred.


Simple Pulled Pork Recipe

1 TBSP butter
2 pounds boneless pork roast (this can be adjusted upwards. Try to get a whole shoulder, which includes the Boston butt and the picnic ham, but failing that, Boston butt works just fine, especially here.)
1 tablespoon Cajun seasoning
1 med. onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, crushed
4 cups water
1 tablespoon liquid smoke flavoring (recommended brand: Figaro, but any will work)


- Melt the butter into a large skillet on medium-high heat. Season the pork with generous amounts of Cajun seasoning. Brown the pork on all sides--I'd recommend cutting into smaller pieces for that; you'll want some of the fat that cooks out.

- Once browned, transfer pork to slow cooker. Add onions and garlic to skillet and saute for about 5 minutes, or until onions because golden and slightly translucent.

- Dump the skillet mixture/onions/garlic into the slow cooker with the pork and stir in the liquid smoke.

- Let it ride for 3-6 hours (the longer the better). Once done, shred the shoulder by scraping it with a fork and serve.


This particular recipe will need sauce to make it work. I'm a big fan of pretty much all the sauces, so just to get you started, I've provided two of the more common sauces to use on pork, courtesy of other people (mustard sauce and vinegar sauce).

Mustard Sauce (credit to this guy)

Preparation time. 30 minutes.

Ingredients
1 teaspoon chicken bouillon granules or 1 cube crushed with a mortar and pestle
1 teaspoon dried rosemary leaves, crushed with a mortar and pestle
2 teaspoons powdered mustard
1 teaspoon powdered onion
1 teaspoon powdered garlic
1 teaspoon celery salt
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon chipotle pepper flakes for mild sauce, 1/2 teaspoon for medium, 1 teaspoon for hot
3 tablespoons tomato paste
2 cups prepared yellow mustard
2/3 cup cider vinegar
3/4 cup sugar

Do this
1) Dissolve the bouillon in an ounce of water. Set aside.

2) Crush the rosemary leaves in a mortar and pestle and add to a nonreactive one quart bowl. Add the rest of the dry ingredients and mix.

3) Add the bouillon and the rest of the ingredients and whisk until they are mixed together thoroughly. Let it sit for a an hour in the refrigerator for the flavors to meld. No cooking necessary.

Vinegar Sauce (credit to this guy, via some woman)

Since it came from a book and I haven't bothered to contact the guy, I do not intend to take credit for it. You'll have to go to the "some woman" link to read the sauce recipe at the bottom of the page. There's also a good amount of advice on that link, of which I borrowed one nugget for the page. Sorry for the inconvenience.

I would post the crowning jewel of a pulled pork sandwich, the coleslaw to add on top and/or the side, but I've yet to find a good recipe.

Enjoy your days, folks, and do try not to freeze.

Parade of Nations Drinking Game

by Slate Quicksilver

You may only get to see it once every two years, but the Parade of Nations is a tradition of the Olympics which more people watch than most will admit. You get to see all of the countries, hear of countries you've never heard of (Japan? Where the HELL is that!? Mexico???? Why don't they call it OLD MEXICO!?!?) and you get to the see the uber hot women from Scandinavian countries which are so hot that they transcend all racial and social boundaries. I'm convinced that if an alien race were to invade the Earth, our best hope against all of their fury and technology would be the Swedish Bikini Team. But we also get to see the hilarious clothes these people wear (Did you see what Azerbaijan was wearing? They looked like a pinata!), the in-pronounceable names (Iceland's Bjornavvsin Bjornthorkavsin) and, of course, the completely out of place countries.

Yes. Ethiopia has a team. So does Senegal. Jamaica? Irie, mon. Bermuda? You bet your shorts.

So the Parade of Nations is actually kind of cool. So, in the spirit of all of the event based drinking games (Home Run Derby, Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune...) the Parade needed a drinking game. So here are the rules:

One Drink:
- If you have never heard of the country. Be honest people, you probably could not locate Herzegovina on a map to save your grandma's life. (Editor's note: Slate can. He knew all of the countries in the world in middle school because he was just THAT COOL. He also didn't have a legit girlfriend until his junior year of high school.)

- If a country has less than 5 athletes competing, toast to their country. It's the only attention they are ever going to get. And toast properly. "To Liechtenstein!"

Two Drinks:
- If the country is really out of place, drink to their spunkiness. "To Ghana!" (Note that drinks are combined, so for Ghana, who had 1 athlete, you were at 3 drinks.

- If the country has an in-pronounceable athlete whose name is shown on the TV. Example: Australia had a normal name, like Jim Smith. Cyprus had a name along the lines of: Sverendoulan Dipopiadapoulous. You may be a dictation specialist, but come on. The latter is not pronounceable by the standard American tongue. Drink to our lack of understanding of other cultures!

Three Drinks:
- If the person who is being profiled has a name that does not fit the country s/he is representing. Example: Jaromir Jagr fits for the Czechs. Prinz Hubertus Von Hohenlohe-Langenburg is representing Mexico. Can you figure out why that doesn't fit? Drink to his/her bamboozling of said country's Olympic committee.

Anyway, this game moves fast. I mean really fast. The PoN for the 2010 games lasted for about 90 minutes or so, yet there were 82 countries. So you move really really fast. Have plenty of beers, and go at it. We were sloshed by Kyrgyzstan and by Slovenia, it got ugly. Finally when Canada went through (the host country goes last), we were obliterated in a short and concise amount of time.

So world, enjoy it. Fit it to your needs. And here, once again to get more hits for this site is:

THE SWEDISH BIKINI TEAM!

We can only hope Bikini teams will be an Olympic sport by 2018.

Why the Olympics Are Worth Your Time

by Slate Quicksilver

Why are the Olympics worth your time? Why are the WINTER Olympics worth your time? The answer is simple. Sports are reality, and drama is a reflection of the human struggle (or something like that). Watching the world go out and compete against each other is the best amount of drama you can get.

Think about it. Ignoring the professional team sports that have mutated the games (hockey, basketball...) most of the sports do not get much credence worldwide. Those athletes who go to the Olympics, particularly the winter one, train their asses off just for one chance at glory. They quit jobs, mess up families and take the hopes and dreams of entire nations on their shoulders just to get .4 seconds shaved off their skeleton run.

Which is where the schadenfreude comes in. Listen, watching the games is fun. Seeing athletes do amazing things is great. Watching Usain Bolt in 2008 obliterate the field why not even appearing to try was awe-inspiring. But it's just as much fun to watch someone fail. They work so hard for that penultimate moment and then BAM! Fail. 15 years down the drain. It's also great to see redemption stories, or to see someone do well who came out of nowhere.

Another great reason is the country rivalries. If you don't think that the Chinese try even harder when competing against the Japanese, you are nuts. The French judges ALWAYS stick it to the Americans, Brits and Germans. Clearly they still aren't over World Wars I and II. And Canada hates the US. I can't imagine why.

Anyway, watch it. Enjoy it. Try to figure out how "curling" works.

**END GENERIC POST TRANSMISSION**

Bar Golf

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

Last Friday night, I organized a bar crawl across the "fair" city in which I live. Instead of just making this an ordinary tour of duty, we (being the crawlers) decided to make a sport of it. The idea of Bar Golf is pretty simple, if you don't already know what it is. Each twosome (or foursome or solo adventurer) starts off even. You add or subtract strokes based on the type of drink that you order at each pub. That's really it. You can make it as complex or as simple as you feel like.

Some Querying parties have asked me about the template of rules that I used (hint, hint). So as not to deprive any of our dedicated readers an opportunity to see this masterpiece of a game, I have decided to share them with all of you.

Full version of the rules can be found here. Some of the less generally relevant stuff has been edited.

GENERAL RULES

1. There will be a time limit of 30 minutes at each bar, although exceptions will be made if a hole is particularly crowded, exigent circumstances arise, etc.

2. Each team will start with a score of 0, and each member's individual score will be added together at the end of the match to determine a winner. The team with the lowest score wins.

3. Golf attire is MANDATORY. No exceptions. Failure to conform to golf attire results in forfeiture of your play.

4. A player's score at each hole is determined by drinking a certain drink, and/or combination of drinks. For example:

(Par 4):

Hole-in-One - Shots of 4 Horsemen, Popov, and Prairie Fire (Whiskey/Tabasco) [a net of 1 stroke, or -3]
Eagle - Two Tequila Sunrises [net of 2, or -2]
Birdie - 2 Double Liquor and Mixer OR 4 Beers [3/-1]
Par - 2 Single Liquor and Mixer OR 2 Beers [4/0]
Bogey - 1 Single Liquor and Mixer OR 1 Beer [5/+1]

ADDITIONAL ACTIONS THAT AFFECT A PLAYER'S SCORE

The following actions will result in strokes being subtracted from one's score:

a. dancing on a bar or table (-1 stroke)

b. making out with someone who isn't playing bar golf (-3 strokes, note that any player who chooses to leave the course with aforementioned make-out will score par on the remaining holes)

c. making out with a teammate or another player (-3 strokes, can only be used once throughout the evening in order to prevent certain teams from taking advantage of this)

d. starting a chant, cheer, or song at the bar (-2 strokes)

e. getting kicked out of the bar (-2 strokes, any team member who goes home after getting kicked out will forfeit the match)

f. making another player cry through malicious or impertinent actions (-3 strokes)

Clarification of the Rules:

In order to receive credit for dancing on a table, a player must dance for a period exceeding one minute. Any player who makes three attempts to dance on a table and is stopped by the bar's staff each time will receive the aforementioned stroke reduction.

“Making out,” for the purposes of this competition, entails kissing another person, with tongue, for a period exceeding 15 seconds. There will not be additional stroke reductions for “getting to other bases” with another party, as this is a sporting event, not a creepy orgy.

In order to receive credit for starting a chant or song, at least nine people must join the player in singing/shouting some kind of song, slogan, etc.

The following actions will result in strokes being added to a player's score:

a. puking, yes, even if it's “just water,” or “just foam” (+5 strokes)

b. falling down (+2 strokes)

c. spilling a drink on another player, or on yourself (+1 stroke for accidental, +3 strokes for volitional)

d. crying (+3 strokes)

e. answering phone calls from a significant other who is not participating in bar golf (+1 stroke)

f. passing out (+8 strokes)

g. breaking a glass or bottle at the bar (+1 stroke)

h. Use of a flash or non-flash camera, camera phone, or any video recording device (including phones) in order to capture an image or video of another player while that player A) possesses a visible drink in the prospective photo or B) is engaging in the act of drinking itself (+2 for each incident)

I won't post the rest of the stuff, but some of the highlights from the holes themselves:

Hole 1 - Ace was 2 well quality double gin on the rocks in less than 15 minutes.
Hole 2 - Ace was 3 Prairie Fires; Eagle was 2 Boilermakers.
Hole 4 was the crowning achievement of Bar Golf. Read about it in the document.
Hole 7 - Ace was 2 Cement Mixers (Baileys+151 Rum+Lime).
Hole 9 (the last one) - Ace was a Mop Water/Jersey Turnpike.

As you can see, it is very difficult to shoot well under par, much like real life.

I would welcome suggestions as to rule changes or other such alterations.

This is Why the Internet Wins

by Slate Quicksilver

Did you know that the Super Bowl was on Sunday? If you are like the 105 million households that watched the game (in the US alone), you probably knew that. If you live in an underground bunker in Albania in an attempt to survive the potential alien invasion, you at least knew it was soon and you probably were taking the Colts minus 5 and a half.

It was a mostly uninspiring game, but we can all agree that the biggest play was Tracy Porter's pick 6. In what might be the coolest thing we've seen in a while, Operation Sports, re-created that play in the most legitimate and amazing football simulator in the history of the universe: Tecmo Super Bowl. Here is the play.

They have everything right (it was a slightly modified game to get the names right), with the Reggie Wayne pulling up short and Tracy Porter jumping the route. Coupling it with the audio of Jim Nantz just makes it even better. The post-play celebration is just icing on top of the cake.

Those who grew up playing the Tecmo series know how devoted to awesomeness they were. Tecmo Super Bowl (for NES) was made in 1990, yet had the abilities of each player... even the defenders. Lawrence Taylor was a destroyer of worlds on defense while Bo Jackson ruled the universe on offense. As a child, I played endless hours of this game. I once played a seaons with control of 4 teams: The Dolphins with Dan Marino's inflated abilities, the Giants with LT's pure destruction of everything, the Lions (not a typo) with Barry Sanders amazingness and the Seahawks just for the challenge. That game special and I've played on a ROM a few times, but playing on an old NES console is where its at, with the controller creaking as your push down too hard on the directional pad as Chris Warren (RB Seahawks) trying hopelessly to avoid a coked-out Bill Romanowski on the 49ers.

The PLS "Exemplary Circus" Conference Call (Via Text Message) and Commercial Analysis

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

There was some big game last night. I believe the winning team wishes to know, "Who amongst thee dares to declare that they are better than my team of origin?" Well, the correct answer (at least this year), is, "Nobody." Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints, 2009 Super Bowl winners. The phrase "New Orleans Saints, Super Bowl champions" now rates right up there with "Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Super Bowl champions" and "Boy, Al Davis was right" with Least Likely Phrases You Thought to Hear in Your Lifetime.

Because the writers for PLS are flung far and wide (mostly far, not so much wide), around the second quarter, I started trying to get a sense of where the other writers were during this fairly dull game. I don't think I'm alone (or if I am, I'm the only right person in the world) in saying that 5/6th of this game was pretty boring. Neither team was really excited to try deep passes or anything crowd pleasing; 13 yard runs were pretty much the peak of excitement for a long time. I will go so far as to say that it is not the job of Sean Payton or Jim Caldwell to please the fans with respect to their tactics, but in terms of results. I don't begrudge them for planning their game the way that they did, but I can say that this was one of the least exciting Super Bowls in recent memory and sort of backhandedly compliment the teams.

During the slower parts, I started the most efficient way of conversing among multiple parties: mass text. There is no way for any of you to know this, but as worldly and generally awesome as Slate's biography makes him seem, it was only recently that he began to receive text messages. We are in the process of telling him that there is some really hotshot prep basketball player named LeBron James that will end up being the #1 pick and probably be an instant star in the league (we're also trying to convince him to save his money and pass on The Matrix Reloaded.)

What this post amounts to is a "running diary" of reactionary thoughts to what was going on in the Super Bowl. All texts are to be treated as [sic] and may contain vulgar language. A further special thanks will go out to two of my friends who do not read the blog (for shame!) and are now unwillingly participating in the conference call.

6:30 IP: Colts by 4
Friend #1 (hence Scott Norwood, or SN): I have the Colts covering the spread which I think is 5.

(long silence, while people were still under the impression a game was going on)

7:21 IP: I can't take Sanchez seriously with this woman's heart attack commercial after those rape allegations.
SN: Like he cares about women's heart attacks.
Friend #2 (hence Fred Taylor, or FT): Yeh seriously

7:41 FT: That was dumb ypu take the points
SN: Not even close to the over under
7:57 (right around halftime) IP: Well, I'm right so far.

8:25 (the onside kick) Red: Wow wow wow
SN: Onside kick ballsy.
IP: Payton shouldn't have been anywhere near that scrum.
SN: Eh cut him some slack
Red: Payton Manning sad face dye

(non-football related diatribe about Twilight Princess and a subsequent snow day on Capitol Hill)

8:45 Red: This game comes down to which QB makes a mistake. Mark it down. [Ed Note: Two thoughts. 1) How prophetic. 2) Why would we need to mark it down when there's complete evidence on both my phone bill and my phone?]

8:52 FT: Is it just me or is this game pretty boring and what is up with edwards i hope the billd go winless fucking thievimh bastards
FT: The draft is going to be more exciting than this game

9:16 IP (the heated 2PC review): Wow can't believe that.
SN: This is a tough call either way
IP: Not conclusive in my opinion.
IP: Has one call gone against NO? Even though they got that one right?
SN: Yeah i really don't know so i would have to go with the call on the field.
Red: Error free football, honestly I've not seen a whole lot to be called against them
IP: Yeah both of these teams have been going pretty clean. The "late hit" on Bush was the only awful call.

9:26 IP: Jabari Greer's return has really messed up the Colts.
Red: Green police, the most frightning commercial of the super bowl
IP: I would kick them in the balls if they did that to me.

9:30 (Peyton's TAINT) IP: Of all the people I expected to fuck up, it wasn't Peyton.
Red: First mistake by a QB. We should just post our texts for the blog
(lightbulb going off)
IP: Hahah that would be awesome.
Red: The Payton sad face, and he does make mistakes look where he went to college
FT: Colts havnt been the saem since the jets game the lost their edge
SN: Yeah wayne came out of the break a little slow and those routes are all about timing
IP: I did think it would be Reggie Wayne he has sucked since greer came back in

9:42 (the waning minutes) IP: Questionable clock mgmt there.
IP: Well, I was right. Wayne should have caught that.
FT: Jim caldwell looks in over his head you wonder how much of his success is due to just taking what dungy built
Red: Noted
IP: Manning is going to take so much shit for this. Even if only one play was bad. His receivers fucked him.
Red: Should have gone to Clark more in the second half
FT: Yeh dungy would not have been outcoached
Slate (chiming in for the first time): Just doesnt sounds right New orleans saints super bowl champs
IP: Almost as bad as Tampa Bay Bucs, Super Bowl Champs.
Slate: On a related note detroit lions sb champs 2014? Browns in 2018?
IP: Somewhere, Bill Simmons is masturbating to the Peyton Sad Face
Red: Well, now I know what Im going to have nightmares about tonight. Bill Simmons' O-face.


So, there you have it. Not particularly entertaining, but as the guy who writes the day after the Super Bowl, I wanted to break up from my usual verbose analysis to provide "real time" reactions to the things that were going on. Since I am by no means a professional writer, it's fine every once in a while to show you precisely why I'm not. Hope everyone enjoyed the game to the best of their ability.

As a postscript, here is a linky to all of the Super Bowl commercials. My three favorite?

1. Bud Light Auto-Tune. Something about T-Pain (an artist who nearly put me in his music video--long story for another time) wanting guacamole with the Auto Tune filter cracks me up.

1a. The Snickers commercial with Betty White and Abe Vigoda. Would have probably done okay even in a big year for commercials.

2. The Doritos Samurai. I thought this was the best of the Doritos commercials that aired

3. (tie) The Last Denny's Ad (with the screaming chicken and the birthday cake) and the CareerBuilder.com Casual Friday ad. The chicken scream ad was very [adultswim]-esque, which is fine by me. Career Builder's was funnier, I think, and it brought to mind one of my favorite Simpsons quotes.

The Tim Tebow FOTF ad? Much ado about nothing.

Last, but most especially not least, here's hoping the Masked Reader/Chef went 4/4 this Sunday.

Dip Etiquette and My Favorite Dips

By Red Herring

The big game is almost here! You know what that means, Super Bowl parties and glorious glorious dip spreads! But before you did in there are a few rules that you have to follow. A dippers guide to the universe if you will.

First: No double dipping!

This is the most important rule to follow and it can make or break your dipping reputation! This is the Alpha and the Omega of the dipping world, you can’t go wrong by following it but you will certainly go wrong by disregarding it! There are always some who say “but it broke off before my lips even touched it so it’s not really a double dip!” Well I’m here to tell you that it is. If you have trouble following this rule just remember one chip one dip.

Second: No dip hogging!

You know who you are, the guy who hangs around the dip like a corner back on a wide receiver. You’ve found something you like and you will be damned if you don’t get all of it for yourself. Well I’ve got to tell you you’re an ass and no one likes you. Share the dip! It’s a party not an excuse for you to see if you can actually eat an entire stick of Velveeta cheese.

Third: If you are hosting a party you must have more then one dip.

Variety is the spice of life. If you are hosting a party you cannot simply plop down an open container of French onion dip and call it a day. You must have at least two different dips preferably some kind of cheese dip and then another meat and or spinach and artichoke dip. If you don’t have these you have failed at your Super Bowl party spread and the only thing your friends and coworkers will be talking about on Monday will be how shitty your dip was and not how shitty the game was.

Now my favorite part of any dip article the dip recopies!

Mrs. Red Herring has been gracious enough to supply PLS with a few of her world famous dip recipes. These are by far the best dips I’ve ever had and you would be doing yourself a huge favor by including them at your next party.

Chili Con Queso Dip

1 15 oz can of Chili

1 16 oz block of Velveeta cheese

Put both ingredients in a bowl, microwave for five minutes, stopping occasionally to stir.

Red’s take: This is the fasted and maybe tastiest dip on the list. It also might be the tastiest! This is a great snack and takes only five minutes to prepare. Best eaten with strong tortilla chips because this dip is so thick and hearty that a lesser chip could crumble before its might.

Spinach and Artichoke Dip

1 cup mayo

1 cup parmesan cheese

1 can (14 oz) artichoke hearts – drained and chopped

1 package (9 oz) frozen spinach – drained

¼ cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix mayo, parmesan cheese, artichokes, and spinach. Spoon mixture into a casserole dish and sprinkle with the mozzarella cheese. Cover and bake for 20 minutes.

Red’s take: I love this dip, this is way better than anything you’ve had at TGIF and your guests will love it. It takes a little more work than the Chili Con Queso dip but it is worth it.

Nacho Dip

One pound ground beef

One 7 oz can chopped green chilies

One small onion, chopped

One 15 oz can of tomato sauce

Chili powder

Salt and Pepper

Cheddar Cheese

One tomato

Green onions

Jalapenos

Sour cream

Brown the ground beef, add the chopped onion, the tomato sauce, and the green chilies. Season to taste with the salt and pepper and chili powder. Simmer mixture approximately 20 minutes. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Pour meat mixture into a large casserole dish. Top with a layer of cheddar cheese and bake for a few minutes in the oven until the cheese melts. Top with chopped tomatoes, green onions, jalapenos, and spoonfuls of sour cream.

Note – also good with a bottom layer of refried beans.

Red’s take: This is it, the ultimate in super bowl party dips. You make this and people won’t even watch the game they will simply line up to take turns getting their chips into this dip! It takes a little more work than the other recipes but the final product will blow you away.

That’s it folks, enjoy your dipping. Oh and by the way, I’m picking the Colts to win in a blow out.

Shaking off the Baseball Rust

by Jon Shepherd

Sorry to be the one to bear the news, but Slate is currently warping across the Attican Traverse fighting aliens of all kinds in an effort to restore galactic peace and civility. He might be back in about 2 weeks, but honestly it'll take at least 60 game hours of high action, deep intrigue and a really good chance at getting it on in space. Trust me, I know, he even does the stupid side missions meant just waste your time. All of them.

Anyway I was given some instructions to talk about baseball.

Did you know that pitchers and catchers report in 2 weeks? Seriously. The Super Bowl hasn't even been played yet and baseball is starting to get ready. That being said, a ton of moves have been this offseason and eventually this site will try to unravel the confusion and eventually they will even make some predictions.

Here's a teaser for you: The Nationals will easily lose 105 games while Adam Dunn rolls on to being a top 20 fantasy baseball player. It will be done solely because Adam Dunn is a cool guy and everyone feels bad for him for being stuck in the nation's capital.

Baseball will be more than just an occasional talking point on this fine site. In fact, there is an official PLS fantasy baseball league wherein we will keep you updated as to the goings-ons. They all, including Annie, love baseball and talking about it gives each one a varying degree of pleasure. Full disclosure: Talking about the Yankees gives Red a raging clue.

Anyway, Slate will be back eventually. Right now he is on approach to the Citadel in the Serpent Nebula. 52 hours and counting.

Your National Signing Day Rolling Updates Story

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

National Signing Day is here. A few quick predictions for the top unsigned folks (all rankings using ESPN values):

Seantrel Henderson, OT - This mammoth OT is predicted to sign with either Florida, Ohio State, USC, or Miami. Henderson's recruitment's been kind of odd, not so much as that dad's been handling it (quite a few players have it done this way), but because his teams have undergone so much turmoil and still remain. Oddly enough, I predict he bucks (pun not intended) the trend of staying in the Midwest and heads to USC.

Demar Dorsey, S - A longtime UF commit, issues in his past have reared their head in an ugly way. Most folks seem convinced he's going to FSU; again, I predict USC. This update chain makes it sound like I'm the new Mark May, but I expect USC to close fairly strong today.

Owamagbe Odghizuwa, DE - Once thought a mortal lock for the West Coast (Cal, UCLA, Oregon), some folks sharper than I seem to think the success of Ndamukong Suh (who I believe was listed as a SDE coming out of HS) has swayed Owa to Nebraska.

Markeith Ambles, WR - A former Vol, I haven't the faintest of where he may go now. Not that discernible of a pattern between remaining schools. Between USC and UNC, I'll take the East Coast team, North Carolina.

Christian Jones, LB - Too much family pressure to overcome to get Jones anywhere except Florida State. Same thing goes for Christian Green (nephew of FSU great E.G. Green).

Keenan Allen, ATH (athlete) - To be honest, I don't know much about this kid. He is considering PSU, Clemson, Cal, and Bama. Since he just recently switched from Alabama and distance is the most important factor (usually) in recruiting, I'm going with Clemson in a semi-upset over PSU.

Sean Parker, S - This CA kid is probably going to USC, but I'm bucking the trend and predicting Washington.

- Expect Florida State and Southern Cal to have big days. Expect Georgia, Oregon, and Auburn to have pretty awful days.

As always, the prime rule of recruiting is, "Never attempt to apply logic and sound reasoning to a 17 year old's decision."

Stay tuned throughout the day for updates.

Update - 11:00 AM - Had some computer problems earlier in the day. Nailed two of my predictions, even one of the ones I went out on a limb. Sean Parker to Washington, which seems to indicate Dietrich Riley (another S) to USC. Christian Jones, to no one's surprise, picks Florida State.

I was, however, wrong on Markeith Ambles, who is headed to Southern Cal over UT and UNC.

Kadron Boone decommits from TTech and goes to LSU. Curious because he didn't indicate any interest in LSU until Billy Gonzales left Florida.

Finally, big coup for Virginia as Morgan Moses stays with them. Think a guard version of D'Brickashaw Ferguson (in college).

Update - 12:45 PM - Cal is making huge moves replenishing their defense. First, they land Keenan Allen and hold onto Cecil Whiteside and Chris Martin. That represents a crowning piece from each portion of the defense. Big moves, especially considering the transition at USC and the lack of premier DL recruits for Oregon.

FSU lands Bjoern Werner, a solid pickup for them. Are they conceding Corey Lemonier to the Barners? Already landing Christian Jones was a fairly big deal. Their overall class is going to be boosted by the # of Nole legacies, but I cannot emphasize strongly enough THEY HAVE ZERO OFFENSIVE LINE COMMITMENTS RIGHT NOW, A POSITION THAT WAS NOT EXACTLY A STRONGHOLD FOR THEM.

James Stone signs with Tennessee. I'm betting he goes JUCO, in the end.

Update - 2:00 PM

Just noticed Corey Lemoiner and Calvin Smith opted against Florida State. Lemonier was quasi-expected; Smith was not. Shouldn't put too much of a damper on their class, though.

No sooner do I decry Oregon's lack of DL then do they turn around and snag Latuli "Ricky" Heimuli from Utah. Nice grab.

Update - 2:45 PM

Demar Dorsey to Michigan. Huge--Huh-YUGE--stunner.

Update and Final Thoughts - 6:30 PM

Dietrich Riley sticks with UCLA over USC. Very interesting development with USC losing out on two top safeties today, but I think Seantrel Henderson will make up for that.

Winners for the 2009-10 recruiting cycle:

Florida - Florida didn't really have much to gain today; their class has been pretty much set for about a month now. Landing Chaz Green today provided some O-Line depth, though I myself have doubts about if he can play OT at the next level. A complete overhaul of the D-Line was acquired (Easley, Floyd, Orr, and Powell--probably in that order, too, along the line) and Urban Meyer finally landed the premier back he was missing in Mack Brown, Jr.

Some have asked how this class will compare to the 2006 class, which had Tebow, Harvin, Spikes, et al. There's not another Tim Tebow QB or another Percy Harvin WR. But, the 2006 class did not have Ronald Powell, who I believe will be the best defensive player from either class, nor did they have anywhere near the potential in DTs that Easley, Floyd, and Orr provide. It is impossible to analyze a class completed with a class yet to play, so here's my best answer: 2010 offers more defensive potential whereas 2006 had greater offensive impact than this class might because those were the areas that needed the most overhauling.

Sorry to bother you non-Gator types, but we have made no reservations about liking Florida and that was my strong opinion.

Texas - Much like Florida, the defense is getting restocked in this year's class, only unlike previous years, they left the state to do it. That isn't to belittle any of the players from Texas, it's just rare that Texas pulls out of state kids not from the Breadbasket. Good on them to get Jordan Hicks.

Oklahoma - Tony Jefferson and Corey Nelson were coups for them, especially Nelson.

UCLA - What a day they had. Odighizuwa, Riley are added; Jordon James and Malcom Jones remain. They are definitely positioning themselves for a run at Lane Kiffin and USC, who didn't have too shabby of a day themselves.


A Good Class, But Fatally Flawed

Florida State - Jeff Luc, the overrated LaMarcus Joyner, and the Christians (Green/Jones) highlight a pretty good class on the whole for the Noles. They still didn't recruit any offensive lineman worth mentioning (and in fact, only 1 period). If they want to keep Ponder upright next year and E.J. Manuel doing well beyond that, they need to get some OL. Not that I'm wanting them to do well at all, but if I were them, I'd take note.

USC - Yes, I know I just mentioned they did well. However, Pete Carroll gift-wrapped this class on the way to Seattle. With the threat of sanctions pending, I'm not convinced Lane does any better than this present class during his stay in Pasadena. He wasn't exactly tearing it up over here and he doesn't have one of his key bag men, Eddie Gran, anymore.

Just Take 'em Out Back and Shoot 'em

Georgia - the death knell for the Pups has sounded. This is one of Richt's worst classes in his tenure in Athens. They had to package deal Xander Ogletree for his immensely more talented brother Alec (yes, their names are Alec and Xander). T.J. Stripling may have been the more overrated of him and UF signee Neiron Ball (whose brother plays/ed? at Georgia). Tragic though it may be, their chief OL signee Brent Benedict may never play again. Mark Richt has maybe another season before Athens collect calls alumni Muschamp and Smart.


I apologize for not getting as in-depth as I wanted to today, but I tried to make up for it in a little bit of analysis and predictions. Today, as far as NSDs go, was fairly tame, with Demar Dorsey to Michigan being the only real surprise. Seems as if the placating effect of Early Entries is now in full force. But, that's something we can talk about next year.