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Musings on the World Cup (6/15 edition)

by Slate Quicksilver

The World Cup, as of now, has been rather dull. There hasn't been any blowouts (save for Germany's destruction of Australia 4-0) and defense has been the rule of the tournament. Here's where each team stands as of now:

Group A:
South Africa was the wrong side of the post off from beating Mexico. The tie with Mexico is a great start. For every bit of good South Africa has, Mexico looks bad. They pounded away to start but couldn't score until late and probably should have lost. Uruguay had to play with 10 men for the last few minutes and were probably grateful to take the tie. France looked miserably tired and boring and might fizzle out if they lose to Mexico on Thursday.

Group B:
Argentina scored 6 minutes in against Nigeria and then spent the next 84+ minutes almost scoring. Nigeria lost but should be thankful to their goalie that they are only down -1 in the GD department. Considering how bad Greece looked, being down -1 is probably a good thing for Nigeria. Speaking of Greece's terribleness, I don't know if South Korea is really as good as they looked because Greece looked awful.

Group C:
For the US, tying England is a win. I'm not mathematically challenged, I just feel that the US got incredibly lucky and taking 1 point rather than zero while holding the group favorites, England to 1 point, was huge. Speaking of England, will Rob Green be allowed back to his home country without wearing body armor? Slovakia really dominated Algeria and was unlucky to not win by more than one goal. Algeria looked miserable.

Group D:
Germany steamrolled Australia... it wasn't even a game. The Germans are the best looking team in the tournament as of now while Australia looked confused and slow. There was a party in Accra after Ghana beat Serbia 1-0 on a PK as Ghana probably just needs a tie over Australia to get out of the group stage. Serbia needs to beat Australia and Germany to survive, which likely won't happen.

Group E:
Denmark was ridiculously unlucky having an own goal and strange bounce after their defense stopped running against the Netherlands. The Oranje were really stymied by the Danes save for the two goals which were both products of luck. Cameroon looked overconfident going in against Japan who scored late in the first half and went deep and hid for the rest of the game.

Group F:
Italy looked old and creaky and very very fortunate to score a late goal against Paraguay, who should be happy but slightly disappointed to only take 1 point from them. The last touch of the game gave New Zealand (who looked surprisingly competent) it's first goal in a World Cup final and prevented Slovakia from it's first win in a World Cup final.

Group G:
Watching Cristiano Ronaldo flop and dive on the field for 90 minutes was an affront to the game. The fact that the officials still blow their whistles whenever he hits the ground is disappointing... he is the Manu Ginobili of the soccer world. Ivory Coast nearly struck late, but couldn't find the net. The biggest benefactor is North Korea, who will hold their destiny in their hands against those two teams. Brazil hasn't scored through 35 mins in the first half, but is dominating North Korea in all aspects.

Programming note: Posting will be light in the next few days as the Potluck Sports Annual Summit is taking place starting tomorrow.

Fun With Numbers

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

And they say we can't count in the South because our book learnins are a bit slow.

Reports on conference realignment are now surfacing which state that Texas would prefer to remain as a member of a ten-team Big XII. It is, like most things, a financial decision: Texas could form its own network and pull down a cool $20-$25 mil in revenue from the TV alone. Chip Brown of Orangebloods.com has been absolutely fantastic in covering realignment, so if you need to catch yourself up, I will defer to him.

First things first: the Big XII commish Dan Beebe looks like a goon. He looks like a pasty and less fat Jared Fogle. Speaking of whom, I have no idea if that story in the Jared hyperlink is true, but I wouldn't be surprised. Apparently, for those who don't want to click what is essentially a celebrity gossip webpage, Mr. Fogle ran a pretty successful porno rental service while at IU. Go Hoosiers.

Second, no doubt easily picked up by our quick, clever, and attractive readers, the Big XII would have ten members and the Big Ten would have twelve members. Dopes.

Now, let's look at some real, honest-to-goodness analysis. Why, pray tell, is Texas all of a sudden willing to hold the XII together? Is it really just about the TV revenue? It very well could be. Before the XII, there was the Big 8 and the Southwestern Conference. Arkansas decided to take the SEC's offer to join. Yes, at one point, Arkansas held a decent seat of power in the college football world. Once Arky left, Texas was able to shore up its share and add more of the revenues by helping to hold the SWC together. Later on (3 years or so), Texas left the SWC, orchestrated a merger with the Big 8 and created the Big XII. If you're following present expansion closely enough, substitute Nebraska for Arkansas (Colorado is really irrelevant in the landscape of things here, except they have enabled the Pac 10 to make a run at Utah for a championship game) replace "leaving the SWC" with "threatening to leave the Big XII" and you have history repeating itself, complete with the attempt to keep the league together. Neat, huh?

Here's another thought which is not mutually exclusive with other scenarios, so it can be in play even if something else is. If Texas's plan is to join the Pac-10 all along, then trying to "hold the XII together" makes sense if A&M is truly set on joining the SEC. That way, Texas won't be the bad guy, y'see. They won't be the ones who break up the XII.

Or, nothing can happen. Like it actually did. Thanks, Internet, for going out and making my column dated before it posts!

2010 World Cup Group H Breakdown and Final Thoughts

by Slate Quicksilver

Group H rounds out this year’s version of the World Cup and frankly, it’s a little “blah.” Juggernaut Spain is the team on the marquee while Chile is glad to be back. Switzerland is still angry about their 2006 campaign and Honduras is just as surprised as you are that they are here. Let’s knock out this last group.

Chile

Chile disappeared from the world scene after 1998 thanks to tough luck qualifying and a lack of talent. This time around, they sent a resounding message that they are back, racking up 33 points in qualifying, missing the top spot by one point. This is something to be alerted to, as this team was the youngest of all CONMEBOL teams and it stole 16 of their points on the road. Scoring is rarely a problem for La Roja, especially with striker Humberto Suazo up front, who tore up the net 10 times in qualifying. Attacking and attacking this order, that means that the defense gets stretched. Playing teams like Switzerland and Spain, who can afford to sit and wait (Switzerland would prefer to wait), this could be an issue. In the end, we could see Chile hold their own against the Swiss and play Honduras in a shootout. But Spain will give them fits.

Honduras

If not for the fact that the US bailed them out with a late equalizing goal against Costa Rica, Honduras would have had to go to the playoff and may not have qualified. But that did happen, so Honduras is here. Qualifying saw them beat Mexico handily at home, which was good, but it also showed bad: a 1-1 draw in Trinidad almost killed their chances. Honduras has a few bullets in the gun to help them in Carlos Pavon and Wilson Palacios, of Tottenham fame. This team loves to play quick and loves to attack constantly. Like Chile, this leads to problems at the back. Getting out the group will be tough, but not completely impossible… it all depends on the game against Chile, which should be pretty fun to watch.

Spain

There isn’t much to say about Spain that hasn’t been said. They are the #2 team in the world and has only lost once in the last couple of years (to the US, oddly). They play the beautiful game that Brazil wishes they could play, they have all of the talent Italy and England wishes would play in their country’s leagues and they have the swagger a team like Germany or Argentina dreams of having. Spain is a favorite in this tournament by many, this author included. Spain eviscerated their opponents in qualifying winning all 10 games and only conceding 5 goals along the way. Picking one star on this team to watch is essentially spinning a wheel and picking whoever it lands on, so we’ll avoid that as it basically is an all star team. Spain will probably crush Honduras, beat Chile and maybe have a touch of trouble with the defensive minded Swiss, but this team will have no trouble getting through to the knockout stages.

Switzerland

Soccer is a game, like other games, wherein if a team does not give up a goal during a game, they should never lose. That is only slightly true as the Swiss did not concede a goal during the 2006 World Cup, yet they were knocked out of the tournament in the Round of 16 by the Ukraine (They lost on penalties). Thus, the Swiss are in South Africa looking to improve despite playing by the rules of the game. Qualifying was a bit of a rollercoaster: they started with a draw in Israel and a home defeat to Luxembourg for some reason but they would go on to win 5 in a row and they would win their group with a 0-0 draw with Israel at home. The Swiss do have a few solid players in Tranquillo Barnetta and Alexander Frei and they could do some damage. But the Swiss play a very slow and compressed version of the game. While this will give Honduras and Chile trouble, Spain will likely tear it apart with their short passing game.

Predicted Tables:
Spain 3-0-0
Chile 1-1-1
Switzerland 1-1-1
Honduras 0-3-0

So, whose going to win the whole thing? Here’s the Knockout stages as I see them:
Round of 16
France (A1) vs Nigeria (B2)…………………..Nigeria
Argentina (B1) vs Uruguay (A2)……………Argentina
England (C1) vs Ghana (D2)………………….England
Germany (D1) vs USA (C2)……………………Germany
Netherlands (E1) vs Paraguay (F2)……….Netherlands
Italy (F1) vs Denmark (E2)…………………….Denmark
Brazil (G1) vs Chile (H2)………………………..Brazil
Spain (H1) vs Portugal (G2)…………………..Spain
Quarterfinals
Nigeria vs Argentina………………………………Argentina
England vs Germany………………………………England
Netherlands vs Denmark………………………..Netherlands
Brazil vs Spain…………………………………………..Brazil
Semifinals
Argentina vs England………………………………..England
Netherlands vs Brazil….……………………………Brazil
Finals
England vs Brazil……………………………………..Brazil

Brazil is going win the whole thing, folks. Yes, it’s a very vanilla pick. But now that they’ve ditched the beautiful game aspect of their game and are playing seriously, they are going to torch this competition. I’m sticking to my guns with my former predictions, but I would like to make a few last minute flipflops and assertions:

France probably won’t go 3-0-0 in their group… their coach is insane.

Speaking of insane coaches, although I have Argentina going to the quarterfinals, but they just as easily could go nowhere. Maradona is like a monkey at the wheel of a Ferrari.

Brazil’s triumph and Spain’s fall will show that the beautiful game is dead.

Africa’s next world cup will ban the vuvuzela.

Nigeria will be Africa’s great hope because Ivory Coast will be at 80% health, Ghana is at 75% health, Cameroon is in a tough group and South Africa doesn’t stand a chance. Oh, and Algeria? Ha!

The US likely will beat Slovenia in a close game and will probably have more trouble than they should against Algeria. But realistically England will torch the US’s soft defense. If they go to the Round of 16, Germany will torch them even more.

2010 World Cup Group G Breakdown

By Slate Quicksilver

Without much argument, Group G is the group of death in this installment of the World Cup. Superpowers Brazil and Portugal are on top of this group going in, while African power Ivory Coast would probably look to easily qualify in any other group. Then there is the unknown quantity of the “Democratic People’s Republic” of Korea, or as you know it, the “Bad Korea.” No team is guaranteed to get out alive.

Brazil

Much has been made of the 180 degree turn around that the Brazilians have experienced these past four years. Not in terms of results (they are still a top 3 team in the world), but in terms of play. The beautiful game appears to be dead in Brazil. New coach Dunga stresses the physical defense and a murderous counterattack that has turned a Samba beat to a military drum corps. Certain players, Ronaldihno and Robinho, for example, were left off in favor of players who play into Dunga’s mold. Those players are world class, but are known to be ball hogs and perform needless fancy moves… thus they are gone. The country is now torn: some yearn for the old beautiful days, others believe this is an even stronger team. How Brazil performs at the 2010 World Cup will plot the path for the next generation of Brazilian superstars. Three goalless performances in front of the home crowd during qualifying lead to vicious headlines in hometown newspapers. But really, that was only a blip on the radar as the Selecao easily won the CONMEBOL group. When mentioning names, Kaka (hehe), Gilberto Silva and Luis Fabiano are the big names, but the applause should be reserved for the backline with Juan and Maicon. Those two defenders can breakdown any attack thrown their way with little trouble. Brazil opens against North Korea and finishes with Portugal. They probably will have already qualified by the time they get to the third game and probably won’t care about the game against Portugal. 1982 Germany-Austria Non Aggression Pact of Gijon part 2, anyone?

Ivory Coast

It was heartbreaking to see Didier Drogba, Ivory Coast’s golden child, go down in the last qualifier against Japan with a broken arm. In 2006 Drogba was able to go in front of cameras and get his country, on the brink of civil war, to come to end of hostilities. He would later secure a qualifying game in the northern (and considerably more dangerous) part of the country on rebel territory just to show to his own country that they are unified. He looks to build hospitals in his country and truly has a passion for it. In addition to being a world class person, he is a world class player. That’s why his injury is so disheartening. He might play, but there is no guarantee. Yes, it’s true that arms are not 100% necessary for this sport, it’s not like he is playing a throwaway game in Zimbabwe (terrible joke). The good news is that his fellow teammates are very very good as well. Salomon Kalou is a dangerous striker while Yaya Toure and Didier Zokora make up a potent midfield. Their backline, all of them, plays in Europe somewhere. The Ivory Coast easily qualified to the World Cup, so success looked imminent until they got placed in the group of death. Without Drogba, unfortunately, getting out of the group stage looks very unlikely.

North Korea:

In today’s world of instant knowledge and information being sent around the globe in half a second with television cameras and phone cameras everywhere, it’s rather funny that most people know absolutely nothing about North Korea’s soccer team. Geopolitics aside (frankly we don’t know much about the country itself, either), North Korea’s soccer team has seen a sharp rise in their stock. North Korea started qualifying at the complete bottom of Asian qualifying, unlike Australia or Japan who got byes out of the first couple of rounds. North Korea crushed Mongolia in the first round, got a bye for second round, came in second behind South Korea in the third round, and in the final round came in second (again) behind South Korea (again). Considering North Korea was seeded behind Kuwait and Uzbekistan while being only slightly ahead of Hong Kong (yes they have a team apparently) and Tajikistan (yes it's a country), this is a commendable accomplishment. Now they are rewarded by getting to play in the group of death. Defense is the word of the day (everyday) with the Chollima, and all things considered, they do a pretty good job. They tied Greece 2-2, so that’s good. I guess. They also have the “Wayne Rooney of Asia”, Jong Tae-Se. That’s about it in terms of knowledge on this team. So, will the Dear Leader be celebrating their team getting out of the group of death? Absolutely not. They are going to get run over.

Portugal:

Portugal was very close to complete embarrassment during qualifying. Denmark ran away with the group while Hungary looked solid enough to steal the second group sending Sweden and Portugal into the wilderness. But then Portugal slowly turned it on and got into second place behind the Danes. Portugal drew Bosnia and Herzegovina in the UEFA playoff and won 1-0 both times. That highlights, perhaps, the issue with Portugal. They had an easy qualifying group, but looked disinterested at times. A 3-2 loss at home to Denmark wherein the Danes scored all three goals in the last 10 minutes illustrates that fact. They finally got it together, but it took longer than expected. Well now they are in the group of death and will fight for their lives from start to finish. Cristiano Ronaldo is the highest paid player in the world, so expectations are high on him, but it is the backline where success is mandatory. The whole world knows that Portugal is a team that flops and acts as though they were shot in the knee with a shotgun any time they are challenged. Their midfielders fall down regularly against a stiff headwind hoping for to draw the yellow against the low pressure system in the region. They are, without a doubt, the slimiest players in this tournament… even more than the Italians… and we can only hope a meteor destroys their practice facility. (Ed note: Some of those last few sentences were unedited opinions made by Slate. He hates them with a passion. We’ll just go to the predicted tables.)

Predicted Tables:

Brazil 2-0-1

Portugal 1-1-1 (+2 GD)

Ivory Coast 1-1-1 (+1 GD)

North Korea 0-2-1