by Slate Quicksilver
Being thoroughly immersed into the Winter Olympics these past days has given me memories of past Olympics. What does that bland and formulaic sentence mean, exactly? It means that although I have enjoyed watching the Olympics so far, I am disgusted by NBC's programming. Deadspin already touched on it and Slate.com has another "Sap-o-meter" going, which keeps track of the mentions and side stories vainly trying to touch your heart. "Redemption" is up there, as is "Mom."
NBC still tries to manufacture drama, rather than just show the games. Showing 3 lugers, one of which being an American, does not count as "showing the luge event." No, we (America) is not a power in that sport, but maybe we'd like to watch it without 58 commercials and 3 human interest stories just to get you up to the 45 minutes of luge coverage so that you can say "We bring you the Luge." Perhaps, if we were a power, there would be less of a reason to watch because we would be used to the sport. OR... perhaps showing the event could inspire the next American hope!
But, no. NBC wants to continue to fail to pull at your jingoistic heart strings instead of give you substance. That's why hockey will be great. That's why speed skating was great on Saturday. It was continuous coverage of the sport. We happened to do well in speed skating (NASCAR on ice with pushing), as Apolo Ohno survived a Korean landslide (literally) and stole silver. That was amazing and great for TV.
It's not as bad as in 2002, when NBC showed the same snowboarding event 4 different times during primetime even though the Olympics were on our turf and there were several other events going on. But it certainly is a step back from 2008, or 2006 for that matter. We aren't telecasting from half the world away. We are 3 timezones away from the primary TV programming zone... not 13. Hopefully it will get better but it's probably too late as NBC has already pre-manufactured most of their human interest/emotional stories and they have to unload them somehow.
Showing posts with label Olympics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Olympics. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Parade of Nations Drinking Game
by Slate Quicksilver
You may only get to see it once every two years, but the Parade of Nations is a tradition of the Olympics which more people watch than most will admit. You get to see all of the countries, hear of countries you've never heard of (Japan? Where the HELL is that!? Mexico???? Why don't they call it OLD MEXICO!?!?) and you get to the see the uber hot women from Scandinavian countries which are so hot that they transcend all racial and social boundaries. I'm convinced that if an alien race were to invade the Earth, our best hope against all of their fury and technology would be the Swedish Bikini Team. But we also get to see the hilarious clothes these people wear (Did you see what Azerbaijan was wearing? They looked like a pinata!), the in-pronounceable names (Iceland's Bjornavvsin Bjornthorkavsin) and, of course, the completely out of place countries.
Yes. Ethiopia has a team. So does Senegal. Jamaica? Irie, mon. Bermuda? You bet your shorts.
So the Parade of Nations is actually kind of cool. So, in the spirit of all of the event based drinking games (Home Run Derby, Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune...) the Parade needed a drinking game. So here are the rules:
One Drink:
- If you have never heard of the country. Be honest people, you probably could not locate Herzegovina on a map to save your grandma's life. (Editor's note: Slate can. He knew all of the countries in the world in middle school because he was just THAT COOL. He also didn't have a legit girlfriend until his junior year of high school.)
- If a country has less than 5 athletes competing, toast to their country. It's the only attention they are ever going to get. And toast properly. "To Liechtenstein!"
Two Drinks:
- If the country is really out of place, drink to their spunkiness. "To Ghana!" (Note that drinks are combined, so for Ghana, who had 1 athlete, you were at 3 drinks.
- If the country has an in-pronounceable athlete whose name is shown on the TV. Example: Australia had a normal name, like Jim Smith. Cyprus had a name along the lines of: Sverendoulan Dipopiadapoulous. You may be a dictation specialist, but come on. The latter is not pronounceable by the standard American tongue. Drink to our lack of understanding of other cultures!
Three Drinks:
- If the person who is being profiled has a name that does not fit the country s/he is representing. Example: Jaromir Jagr fits for the Czechs. Prinz Hubertus Von Hohenlohe-Langenburg is representing Mexico. Can you figure out why that doesn't fit? Drink to his/her bamboozling of said country's Olympic committee.
Anyway, this game moves fast. I mean really fast. The PoN for the 2010 games lasted for about 90 minutes or so, yet there were 82 countries. So you move really really fast. Have plenty of beers, and go at it. We were sloshed by Kyrgyzstan and by Slovenia, it got ugly. Finally when Canada went through (the host country goes last), we were obliterated in a short and concise amount of time.
So world, enjoy it. Fit it to your needs. And here, once again to get more hits for this site is:
THE SWEDISH BIKINI TEAM!
We can only hope Bikini teams will be an Olympic sport by 2018.
You may only get to see it once every two years, but the Parade of Nations is a tradition of the Olympics which more people watch than most will admit. You get to see all of the countries, hear of countries you've never heard of (Japan? Where the HELL is that!? Mexico???? Why don't they call it OLD MEXICO!?!?) and you get to the see the uber hot women from Scandinavian countries which are so hot that they transcend all racial and social boundaries. I'm convinced that if an alien race were to invade the Earth, our best hope against all of their fury and technology would be the Swedish Bikini Team. But we also get to see the hilarious clothes these people wear (Did you see what Azerbaijan was wearing? They looked like a pinata!), the in-pronounceable names (Iceland's Bjornavvsin Bjornthorkavsin) and, of course, the completely out of place countries.
Yes. Ethiopia has a team. So does Senegal. Jamaica? Irie, mon. Bermuda? You bet your shorts.
So the Parade of Nations is actually kind of cool. So, in the spirit of all of the event based drinking games (Home Run Derby, Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune...) the Parade needed a drinking game. So here are the rules:
One Drink:
- If you have never heard of the country. Be honest people, you probably could not locate Herzegovina on a map to save your grandma's life. (Editor's note: Slate can. He knew all of the countries in the world in middle school because he was just THAT COOL. He also didn't have a legit girlfriend until his junior year of high school.)
- If a country has less than 5 athletes competing, toast to their country. It's the only attention they are ever going to get. And toast properly. "To Liechtenstein!"
Two Drinks:
- If the country is really out of place, drink to their spunkiness. "To Ghana!" (Note that drinks are combined, so for Ghana, who had 1 athlete, you were at 3 drinks.
- If the country has an in-pronounceable athlete whose name is shown on the TV. Example: Australia had a normal name, like Jim Smith. Cyprus had a name along the lines of: Sverendoulan Dipopiadapoulous. You may be a dictation specialist, but come on. The latter is not pronounceable by the standard American tongue. Drink to our lack of understanding of other cultures!
Three Drinks:
- If the person who is being profiled has a name that does not fit the country s/he is representing. Example: Jaromir Jagr fits for the Czechs. Prinz Hubertus Von Hohenlohe-Langenburg is representing Mexico. Can you figure out why that doesn't fit? Drink to his/her bamboozling of said country's Olympic committee.
Anyway, this game moves fast. I mean really fast. The PoN for the 2010 games lasted for about 90 minutes or so, yet there were 82 countries. So you move really really fast. Have plenty of beers, and go at it. We were sloshed by Kyrgyzstan and by Slovenia, it got ugly. Finally when Canada went through (the host country goes last), we were obliterated in a short and concise amount of time.
So world, enjoy it. Fit it to your needs. And here, once again to get more hits for this site is:
THE SWEDISH BIKINI TEAM!
We can only hope Bikini teams will be an Olympic sport by 2018.Thursday, February 11, 2010
Why the Olympics Are Worth Your Time
by Slate Quicksilver
Why are the Olympics worth your time? Why are the WINTER Olympics worth your time? The answer is simple. Sports are reality, and drama is a reflection of the human struggle (or something like that). Watching the world go out and compete against each other is the best amount of drama you can get.
Think about it. Ignoring the professional team sports that have mutated the games (hockey, basketball...) most of the sports do not get much credence worldwide. Those athletes who go to the Olympics, particularly the winter one, train their asses off just for one chance at glory. They quit jobs, mess up families and take the hopes and dreams of entire nations on their shoulders just to get .4 seconds shaved off their skeleton run.
Which is where the schadenfreude comes in. Listen, watching the games is fun. Seeing athletes do amazing things is great. Watching Usain Bolt in 2008 obliterate the field why not even appearing to try was awe-inspiring. But it's just as much fun to watch someone fail. They work so hard for that penultimate moment and then BAM! Fail. 15 years down the drain. It's also great to see redemption stories, or to see someone do well who came out of nowhere.
Another great reason is the country rivalries. If you don't think that the Chinese try even harder when competing against the Japanese, you are nuts. The French judges ALWAYS stick it to the Americans, Brits and Germans. Clearly they still aren't over World Wars I and II. And Canada hates the US. I can't imagine why.
Anyway, watch it. Enjoy it. Try to figure out how "curling" works.
**END GENERIC POST TRANSMISSION**
Why are the Olympics worth your time? Why are the WINTER Olympics worth your time? The answer is simple. Sports are reality, and drama is a reflection of the human struggle (or something like that). Watching the world go out and compete against each other is the best amount of drama you can get.
Think about it. Ignoring the professional team sports that have mutated the games (hockey, basketball...) most of the sports do not get much credence worldwide. Those athletes who go to the Olympics, particularly the winter one, train their asses off just for one chance at glory. They quit jobs, mess up families and take the hopes and dreams of entire nations on their shoulders just to get .4 seconds shaved off their skeleton run.
Which is where the schadenfreude comes in. Listen, watching the games is fun. Seeing athletes do amazing things is great. Watching Usain Bolt in 2008 obliterate the field why not even appearing to try was awe-inspiring. But it's just as much fun to watch someone fail. They work so hard for that penultimate moment and then BAM! Fail. 15 years down the drain. It's also great to see redemption stories, or to see someone do well who came out of nowhere.
Another great reason is the country rivalries. If you don't think that the Chinese try even harder when competing against the Japanese, you are nuts. The French judges ALWAYS stick it to the Americans, Brits and Germans. Clearly they still aren't over World Wars I and II. And Canada hates the US. I can't imagine why.
Anyway, watch it. Enjoy it. Try to figure out how "curling" works.
**END GENERIC POST TRANSMISSION**
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