This is an occasional series called the NBA Status Report, sponsored by our good friends at Stan Van Gundy's Used Auto Sales and Collarless Shirt Emporium. In case you're unfamiliar with Stan's work, here's a clip. Mr. Van Gundy, full time Magic coach and part time used car pitchman, will offer his opinions on things in the NBA by relating them to a used car on his lot. Take it away, Stan.
Before we really get rockin', guys, I gotta give a shout out to Jim Joyce. No, not the author, but make no mistake, Stan is a fan of the classics. A Portrait of the Stan Van Gundy as a Used Auto Salesman is included with every car that I move, along with a companion audiobook narrated by a former salesman of mine, Hedo Turkoglu. It makes a great Father's Day present.
Jim, as you may know, blew a call that cost a pitcher a perfect game. Stan's pushed out a couple of lemons off the lot in his day, so I symptathize. But I gotta be honest, I don't think it was a perfect game. The kid threw 88 pitches and only 67 of them were strikes! Stan's no math major, but that's not perfection. Did he beat the throw? Absolutely, he did. But you can't expect it to be called perfect. That's a rare thing for us. I'll consider it a perfect game when I see a box score that reads PC/ST 27/27. Now, that's perfection we can get behind! I vote we rename a perfect game in Major League Baseball the "Good-Enough-for-Most-Folks-But-Not-Stan Game."
Anyhow, back to things that I know like the back of my hand: used cars, blogging, and basketball. Tonight, the NBA Finals start, and while I would have liked to make a return trip, it just wasn't in the cards. Instead, I get to spend it with all of you, and that's okay. Let's jump into it.
The Boston Celtics are pretty much the epitome of every used car on my lot. They look great right out of the dealership (1st quarter), a couple rough patches in the middle where you gotta kick the tires, add water to the radiator just to make it through, or holding a couple loose parts together with duct tape (2nd-3rd quarters), and by the time they make it to the end of the trip, it is looking worse for the wear (4th quarter). HOWEVER, it still gets you there and you're still comin' back to Stan for your next automobile.
The Los Angeles Lakers are like that rare jewel in the SVG lot: fairly high mileage on a reliable make/model, but it was kept in such excellent shape that you're thinkin', "Well, it's a young 100,000 miles." Now, all of a sudden, you're driving down the road and BAM! Your rear view windows fall off. Still, you've got nothing but the open road ahead, so you're in cruise control for a while, but now you've encountered some traffic and it would be really nice to be able to look around without sticking your head out of the window like a jackass.
Make no mistake, folks, this Finals is not easy to predict. You've got mismatches everywhere. Rajon Rondo is a lightning quick PG, something the Lakers usually struggle to defend. Ron Artest is a much better defender than Trevor Ariza and he can be counted on to give someone (likely Pierce) a hard time. KG should be able to crush the soft-as-my-2004-camry-with-the-leatherette-seats Gasol, but could have a harder time against super-sub Lamar "Lots and Lots for Just 5 Bucks" Odom. And you probably thought Stan was going to comment on whichever Kardashian it is. Stan lives by a couple rules in life:
1. Always pay for your books in cash.
2. Leave the wives and children out of it.
3. Pound your conch as often as possible.
Also, I think I just made it pretty clear I don't know which one he married, so I'd rather avoid the egg on my face. It's hard to trim it out of the trademark 'stache.
Couple of key differences between 2008 and 2010:
1. The Auto Lot has gone national! People are comin' from all around to see the deals on the Tercels, Pintos, Camrys, and Geo Prisms from near and from far!
2. Ray Allen is playin' better than he did in 2008.
3. Andrew Bynum is doing more standing than he did in 2008. If you can't remember, he was unavailable because of knee problems. I think having him be able to play is huge.
4. Rajon Rondo is a legitimate scoring threat (but still has a tendency to wither away in the 4th).
5. Kobe is playing better now than he did same time two years again.
6. Everyone's two years older.
7. The Celtics' bench with respect to the guard position is much worse. This one, says Stan, is the biggest key to the series. No more James Posey to bug Kobe! Man, did he ever bother him. They was like exhaust problems and a Pontiac - inseparable! You think Tony Allen and his bum ankle can keep up with Kobe? Like the chances of the United States taking Hummer back from China: not a snowball's in hell!
Having just gotten out of a series with the Celtics, Stan's normally inclined to respect them a little more and generally is thinking of taking them in the series. Their old bones need a lot of rest and the spacious accommodations of the Finals (TUE/THUR/SUN) will play to their advantage.
But I just can't do it.
That's right, Stan is taking Los Angeles. La-La Land. Stan's packin' a grip and splittin' for the Coast! I sense there's a better aura around LA this time around. Kobe's playing at a higher level and he seems confident in his teammates. The Celtics' bench isn't as good as it was in 2008. And, more importantly, I think both teams know what to expect. In 2008, the Lake Show was taken aback by the defensive intensity of the Celts. You can bet your fancy cars that it ain't happening this time! No, seriously, bet your cars. COME ON! Stan needs to have some good cars to put roadside! The wacky, waving, inflatable arm flailing tube men aren't getting in done and neither is Vince Carter!
This seems to be (on paper) the most unpredictable Finals since the 2005 Snoozefest of Detroit/San Antonio. Be sure to tune in, and if you see that handsome devil Jeff Van Gundy, tell him he owes his brother $500 for that Chrysler Town and Country!
Remember, we here at Stan Van Gundy Used Auto Sales are here for you. Come on in, where we stack 'em deep and sell 'em cheap. Right now, you can get a preowned 1996 Subaru Legacy for only $400! Steering wheel extra. If you didn't buy from Stan Van Gundy, you paid too much, WAY TOO MUCH. I wanna make you a deal on an auto-mo-BILE!
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