In case you missed it (and how could you if you've watched any more than 3 seconds of ESPN), the Pac10 is looking into absorbing what is effectively the Big12 south. This news came from so far out of the blue that scientists believe it originated in the ultraviolet part of the spectrum (/physics joke). The Pac10 wants Texas, Texas and Texas, but has to "settle" with taking the other Texas schools, minus Baylor (...maybe), Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and Colorado. Colorado has been harped upon by the Pac10 for a while, and Texas is the jewel that the Pac10 has their eyes on. But the Texas state legislature, of all people, seem to be forcing Texas's cousins (TTech and TAMU) along with them. Oklahoma comes along, and brings Okie doke State just to appease rivalries' sake. Basically it all boils down to money, money and money and the Big12 might be in trouble. Let's not forget the Big10 is looking to yoink Nebraska, Mizzou and maybe possibly Rutgers. In the end, we could be looking for a merging into mega conferences to the point where the BCS turns into the WWF and we'll see Ohio State and Texas play for the Intercontinental Title in a cage match with a guest referee (Macho Man Randy Savage is attached for the first match).
Looking into the crystal ball, here is approximately what will happen:
Step 1: The Pac10 will absorb Texas, Texas Tech, Texas A&M, Colorado, Oklahoma and OK. State. Now the Pac10 is the Pac16.
Step 2: Not to be outdone, the Big10 decides to scoop up Nebraska, Missouri, Rutgers, Pittsburgh and... bom bom bommmmmmm... Notre Dame. The Big10 becomes the Big15, because they are mathematically challenged.
Step 3: The remaining bits and pieces of the Big12 (Kansas, Kansas State, Iowa State and Baylor) all have a heartfelt meeting and decide to go their separate ways. The entire state of Kansas comes out and admits that basketball is really their sport and that they never liked football anyway and their teams will fold. Baylor follows suit, making their track team even better than it traditionally has been. Iowa State folds their football team but no one notices.
Step 4: The Big East, stung by their loss of Rutgers, folds up shop and decides that basketball is really their thing. There will be no more football from any of those schools and then they go and pluck Kansas and Kansas State up from the cold cold wilderness that they were cast out into. Iowa State and Baylor join C-USA.
Step 5: The SEC, sitting calmly the entire time, finally decides to strike back. But its a tactical nuclear strike of strikes. The SEC takes Miami, FSU, USF and Georgia Tech.
Step 6: The ACC, realizing that they just got punked similar to how they punked the Big East in the early part of the decade, tries to make amends with the Big East. The Big East laughs them off.
Step 7: The Mountain West and WAC merge. The BCS commissioners recommend that they join the Canadian Football League stating "it's the only way you'll be able to play for a championship."
Step 8: Congress tells the 3 superconferences to share revenue and let the smaller guys play. The 3 heads of the superconferences reply with: "Congress had made their decision. Now let them enforce it." They then start a political party.
Step 9: After only 2 months of campaigning and leading his team to a 11-2 record, Mack Brown is elected the 45th president of the U.S carrying every state containing a team from one of the 3 superconferences.
Step 10: Civil War
Step 11: After a protracted battle, the superconferences subdue the rebel states and sell them to Canada or Mexico.
Step 12: The NFL is disbanded as per the 29th Amendment to the Constitution. (#28: No excessive endzone celebrations)
Step 13: Using their incredible power and money, the superconferences use their new space program to build a giant space platform with which to destroy their enemies and enforce their laws and peace over their dominion. Only it's not a platform, its a sphere... a star, if you will.
No comments:
Post a Comment