What to Eat During the Great American Race

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

In what may go down as the second-least liked post of all time (aside from anything political), I have ventured a post about the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. Yes, I realize this makes me look like a rube. It may not be all that far from the truth. I keep a somewhat passing interest in the sport and I never really got back into it after The Intimidator passed away (long live #3). To wit, I'd probably go on record as saying that Tony Stewart and Carl Edwards are my favorite drivers, but I couldn't really tell you why. I guess I like the way they both turn left. That, and Tony's a great sales person (Old Spice, Burger King).

You probably don't need me to tell you that it would be easy to really take down the standards for food during this race. If I were able, I'd park my ass down on the couch and down some Hormel Chili with Liquid Biscuits and Gravy (recipe follows):

1. 1 can of Hormel Chili
2. 12 of these.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Alas, the world doesn't stop for me (though it's high time that it happens. I'm sick of adapting to everyone else).

I'd also venture a try and getting some BBQ Pork Nachos (I can't believe that tag has gotten 3 uses), but we're a looooong way from Oxford, MS. But, I would like to do something with pork, since it is a white meat and drinking nothing but Busch Diesel, Pabst, Bud Heavy, and Natty Ice would weigh on one's gut (and digestive tract) after a long while. It may be too late now to start, but I submit to y'all a simple recipe for pulled pork for sandwich use and a couple sauces to go with 'em.

A couple things to note:

1. This takes time. You'll need (at bare minimum) 3 hours for just the slow cooking itself. I would personally aim for somewhere around 5 hours, but I can understand being pressed for time.

2. The idea (in my opinion) of pulled pork is not to have it slow cooked in sauce, but to just be flavorful in and of itself. This means having just enough ingredients to make the pork fork-tender (essential for tearing the meat asunder or "pulling", if you will), but still stand well enough on its own to not require sauce.

3. You can have the pork cooked just enough to be safe to eat if you want, which is an internal temp of 165, I think. I'd personally go higher, to around 185-195, because it's easier to shred.


Simple Pulled Pork Recipe

1 TBSP butter
2 pounds boneless pork roast (this can be adjusted upwards. Try to get a whole shoulder, which includes the Boston butt and the picnic ham, but failing that, Boston butt works just fine, especially here.)
1 tablespoon Cajun seasoning
1 med. onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, crushed
4 cups water
1 tablespoon liquid smoke flavoring (recommended brand: Figaro, but any will work)


- Melt the butter into a large skillet on medium-high heat. Season the pork with generous amounts of Cajun seasoning. Brown the pork on all sides--I'd recommend cutting into smaller pieces for that; you'll want some of the fat that cooks out.

- Once browned, transfer pork to slow cooker. Add onions and garlic to skillet and saute for about 5 minutes, or until onions because golden and slightly translucent.

- Dump the skillet mixture/onions/garlic into the slow cooker with the pork and stir in the liquid smoke.

- Let it ride for 3-6 hours (the longer the better). Once done, shred the shoulder by scraping it with a fork and serve.


This particular recipe will need sauce to make it work. I'm a big fan of pretty much all the sauces, so just to get you started, I've provided two of the more common sauces to use on pork, courtesy of other people (mustard sauce and vinegar sauce).

Mustard Sauce (credit to this guy)

Preparation time. 30 minutes.

Ingredients
1 teaspoon chicken bouillon granules or 1 cube crushed with a mortar and pestle
1 teaspoon dried rosemary leaves, crushed with a mortar and pestle
2 teaspoons powdered mustard
1 teaspoon powdered onion
1 teaspoon powdered garlic
1 teaspoon celery salt
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon chipotle pepper flakes for mild sauce, 1/2 teaspoon for medium, 1 teaspoon for hot
3 tablespoons tomato paste
2 cups prepared yellow mustard
2/3 cup cider vinegar
3/4 cup sugar

Do this
1) Dissolve the bouillon in an ounce of water. Set aside.

2) Crush the rosemary leaves in a mortar and pestle and add to a nonreactive one quart bowl. Add the rest of the dry ingredients and mix.

3) Add the bouillon and the rest of the ingredients and whisk until they are mixed together thoroughly. Let it sit for a an hour in the refrigerator for the flavors to meld. No cooking necessary.

Vinegar Sauce (credit to this guy, via some woman)

Since it came from a book and I haven't bothered to contact the guy, I do not intend to take credit for it. You'll have to go to the "some woman" link to read the sauce recipe at the bottom of the page. There's also a good amount of advice on that link, of which I borrowed one nugget for the page. Sorry for the inconvenience.

I would post the crowning jewel of a pulled pork sandwich, the coleslaw to add on top and/or the side, but I've yet to find a good recipe.

Enjoy your days, folks, and do try not to freeze.

Because it's the South... that's why.

by Slate Quicksilver

As some of you may already know, Alabama won the SEC championship game over Florida by a grandiose margin. Some of us, unfortunately, made bets. Yours truly bet a friend a coke and during Christmas break will make good on it. But that is a less than strong bet.

Others, had to sing a humiliating song. Orson Swindle at the wonderful site, everydayshouldbesaturday.com, had to sing "Rocky Top," the earwig song that most make Tennessee fans get harder than Chinese algebra when hear it. That was a far manlier bet and a handshake is order for Mr. Swindle for having the balls and constitution to go through with it.

But a lesser known bet was made. Governor Bob Riley of Alabama bet Charlie Crist, governor of Florida that Alabama would win. The bet? A crate of oranges to Mr. Riley if Alabama won or a rubs from the famous Dreamland Barbecue in Tuscaloosa if the Gators won.

Bets like these are common. Governors, mayors, representatives, etc... they all do this. Congresswoman Corrine Brown, of "Go Gata" fame did this with Maxine Waters (of California) over the NBA finals which were the Magic and Lakers. Oddly enough, she is from Jacksonville, not Orlando. Watching this video it's pretty obvious she knew nothing about the Magic whereas Ms. Waters certainly knew about her Lakers. But for Corrinne Brown, not knowing anything about anything is par for the course. Go watch the "Go Gata" video and you will see with in 30 seconds what I speak of.

Back to the Alabama-Florida governor bet. It turns out that Mr. Riley is in some hot water for the wager. Governor Riley, as it turns out, is spearheading a push to eliminate electronic bingo halls around the State of Alabama. Gambling advocates and Bible thumping anti-gamblers alike were up in arms. So, collecting his winnings would see him as a hypocrite.

Thus he did not collect his winnings even though last year he owned up to the bet... which saw him sending the aforementioned ribs to Gov. Crist. That's not hypocritical, right?

Neither was Mr. Riley taking 13 million dollars from Mississippi Choctaw Casinos during his gubernatorial race in 2006. That's not hypocritical at all!

What? We can't pretend to be real reporters sometimes?

Sports, Food, and Sports Food

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

1. Introduction on Sports

Ever since I was a sequentially designated infant in the Illuminatus compound, I have been a huge fan of the Florida Gators. It was there foretold that the world of college sports will favor the Florida Gators. This recent run of championships has not been coincidence or the result of hard work. Oh no, friends. This was predetermined. Aside from the Gators, though, my greatest sports passion is college football, so that will be a preponderance of my writing.

In addition to the Florida Gators, I’m a big fan of the Orlando Magic, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and Boston Red Sox. Yes, one of them does not fit in there, but I’ve been consistent in my following. In addition, I don’t find NASCAR revolting, I don’t understand hockey, and Margaret Thatcher is quite a proficient water skier.

2. Introduction on Food

Seeing as how the majority of my existence has been spent in the South, I have a great love for food indigenous to the region. If you think a food contributes to the obesity epidemic in America, chances are it is high on my list of good eats. This is a good segway sentence into Sports Food.

3. Introduction on Sports Food

Florida v. Ole Miss, 2007. Feast your eyes upon this grandeur of a concession:

http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v133/207/101/2032075/n2032075_42386848_8098.jpg

That’s paprika, nachos, melted cheese, and barbeque pulled pork. I have yet to see any in-stadium concession that comes close.

My drink of choice during football viewing is bourbon, sweet tea, and lemonade. The ingredients are pretty self-explanatory. I was forever hooked on bourbon during my trip to the Kentucky Derby when Seattle Slew and I went on a three day bender right after the race. Try a proportion of 35% bourbon, 55% sweet tea, and 10% lemonade.

4. Issues That Bother Me with Tangential Relevance to Aforementioned 3 Things

Who at the FOX Network decided that Michael Strahan was charismatic enough to graduate from endorsements and studio analysis to sitcoms? Also, doesn’t it seem like they use the same house for Tyler Perry’s television shows?

Now that the significant awkwardness of getting to know each other is over, I do hope you’ll find your way back here in the future. If not, expect a visit from Dave Coulier.