Iroquois Plisken's NBA All-Star Team

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

I know, you guys were probably expecting Stan. Unfortunately, due to SVGUASACSE and NBA policy, since Stan is the head coach of the Eastern Conference All-Stars this year, he is not allowed to comment on the teams until they are formed, and when he does, all comments will be positive. So, you're stuck with me. Sorry. Were you expecting the NHL? I don't know squat about hockey; all I know is that it's a two-man sport, much like tobogganing. Right? Hell, I don't know anything about sledding. I might even be wrong about that.

Instead of honoring the starters as they are, something Ray Allen is want to do, I am just going to pick the teams from top to bottom, following the same position format and strictly adhering to what position they are listed for. None of this wishy-washy slot-a-guy-somewhere-just-to-make-the-game. The reference used will be nba.com. I always hate doing this, because my All-Star team just inevitably ends up being players I like, so I will try (for the sake of impartiality) and vary it up.

Eastern Conference All-Stars

Starters

PG - Rajon Rondo, BOS - I hate putting this there. Rondo went to Kentucky and was massively overrated while he was there. Florida put a hurtin' on him more than once and he was a punk then. Last year, he throws Kirk Hinrich into the scorer's table and really roughs up Brad Miller (if it was vice versa, you know Miller would have been suspended) and nothing happens except a personal foul call. Nevertheless, Rondo is playing phenomenally as my kind of PG--a guy who gets assists and steals and about 10-12 PPG. His FT% (just below 60%) is atrocious for a PG, though.

SG - Dwyane Wade, MIA - Charles Barkley approves.

SF - TheBron James, CLE - Need I say more? Check the link above for Stan's opinion.

PF - Chris Bosh, TOR (for now...) - It may not be New Orleans, but this impassioned plea is always a good view.

C - Dwight Howard, ORL - The man from my team. Having stood next to him in real life, his shoulders are twice as broad in real life as they look on TV.

Reserves (2 G, 2 F, 1 C, 2 UTIL)

G - Joe Johnson, ATL and "The New AI" Andre Iguodala, PHI

F - Josh "J-Smoov" Smith, ATL and Danny Granger, IND

C - Brook Lopez, NJ

UTIL - Gerald Wallace, CHA and Derrick Rose, CHI

Apologies to: Paul Pierce, BOS; Brandon Jennings, MIL; Antawn Jamison, WAS; Al Horford, ATL; David Lee, NYK


Western Conference

Starters

PG - Chris Paul, NOR - It's virtually a toss-up between him and Nash. CP3 wins because his performance of late has been much more consistent and basically does everything just a little better than Nash. More APG, PPG, RPG, Steals PG and MPG, with less turnovers. What's not to like?

SG - Kobe Bryant, LAL - Not a surprising pick. Man's still playing at a high level with a broken finger. Give credit where it's due, though I definitely fall on the TheBron side in the LBJ/Kobe debate.

SF - Carmelo Anthony, DEN - Must be tough to be Melo. You may never get truly appreciated in your own time, but when historians look back at this period of basketball, they'll see what a truly strong period of time this era is. Melo is on pace to lead the NBA in scoring and would probably be contending for an MVP were it not for LeBron's ridiculous year. To decide between Melo and Kevin Durant, I flipped a coin. Melo won. Sorry, KD.

PF - Dirk Nowitzki, DAL - Fighting off that weird baby mama drama that surfaced last year. The scraggly German is having another consistent year and is actually one of the most efficient players in the entire league. No joke. I had to look that one up, myself.

C - Tim Duncan, SAS - I know nba.com lists him as a forward. He's not a forward. He plays back to the basket more often than not, which makes him a center.

Reserves (2 G, 2 F, 1 C, 2 UTIL)

G - Steve Nash, PHX and Brandon Roy, POR

F - Kevin Durant, SEA (yes, Seattle) and Zach Randolph (!), MEM

C - Al Jefferson, MIN

UTIL - Corey Maggette, (!) GSW and Deron Williams, UTA

HUGE Apology to: Carlos Boozer, UTA

Apologies to: Monta Ellis, GSW [would have made it if he wasn't hurt]; Tyreke Evans, SAC; Marcus Camby, LAC; Pau OR Marc Gasol, LAL and MEM, respectively.