Who Is the Best Sports Figure Pitch Man?

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

I apologize for not getting this up earlier. I have been dealing with the loss of my beloved automobile in a flash flood. I could really use a Stan Van Gundy Used Auto Sales deal right now.

As we all know, sports lends itself to a few recognizable figures. Sometimes, these recognizable figures parlay their careers into very profitable outside deals. On this subject, we shan't consider Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods. MJ is out because he is the undisputed king, at least in America. Tiger is out because, well, have you been comatose? Here, we will go inside the marketing and find out who makes an effective pitchman and why.

Peyton Manning, QB, IND - This guy is everywhere. It also doesn't hurt that his ads are usually extremely good. From Sony to Mastercard (and with Alyson Hannigan, too. LIKE!) to Oreos to the United Way (of sorts...) to ESPN itself, it's hard not to see this 6'5, laser, rocket armed QB selling himself out as a way to make a bit extra. I personally think he's the best one, mostly because he just seems so unlikely to be good at it. At first, I don't think he was, which is perhaps why he caught on, and then he got better at being a schill, but the scripts got funnier. I might catch heat internationally for not having the next guy as my favo(u)rite, though...

David Beckham, M, currently on loan Milan - The Michael Jordan of endorsements for the rest of the world. I only know of his work for Pepsi and adidas, though. Do any of our more cosmopolitan readers have any other ones that he's done? I actually could only find him playing 1 on 1 against Reggie Bush in a battle of football/futbol.

Tony Stewart, #14 Chevrolet, NASCAR - Old Spice, Burger King, and whatever else he slaps on his automobile. Seriously, I am sure most of this blog's readers hate NASCAR, but it is truly awesome how well they work endorsements into their Victory Lane speeches. By the way, I totally would buy the Estrada glasses and Carrot Top just looks scary being that jacked.

Maria Sharapova, tennis babe - I only know that she does Canon cameras. I don't think anyone will complain if I show them, though. This is sort of an endorsement for Sports Illustrated. This is because I like y'all.

College Football Coaches from the South - Tommy Tuberville endorsing Golden Flake potato chips. Ed Orgeron's HUMMAH. The "Head Ball Coach" and UnderArmour. Nick Saban and Ford automobiles (which I am lacking). Urban Meyer and Simply Orange orange juice. My favorite? Golden Flake. Tuberville isn't even in the right time period!~

Shaquille O'Neal, C, CLE - The Diesel has been in ads for Radio Shack, Burger King, the NBA on ESPN, Pepsi, Reebok, and vitaminwater. My personal favorite, though, is Good Burger.


I guess I didn't really go into why they're so good. Easy. They're either attractive or they just look goofy doing so. And that, dear readers, is the secret to life. Either be really, really ridiculously good looking or be comically bad looking.