By Red Herring
Let’s be honest for a second, USC didn’t want Lane Kiffin. Lane Kiffin was not plan A, or B, or who knows how many more letters. Lane Kiffin is not being hired because he is Lane Kiffin. Lane Kiffin is being hired because by hiring little Lane USC gets big Monte, and who also might be my favorite coaching persona in all of sports, Big Ed Orgeron. I could write for days and days about Orgeron. Quite simply, if you were to imagine a big, scary and possibly psychotic football coach the image that would pop into your mind would be Ed Orgeron. Don’t believe me? All you have to do is watch this video to know that everything that is man is Orgeron. That video was shot in one take, because Coach O doesn’t repeat himself. Little known fact: the hummer was not originally designed for the military; instead it was created for the singular purpose of transporting the demigod that is Ed Orgeron. ED ORGERON!!!!
But I digress, back to our story.
If the only thing USC was getting out of this deal was Lane Kiffin there is no way that they would have committed to him. That brings me to my main point. You want this man to be the head ball coach of your rival. Why? Because Lane Kiffin has no fucking idea what he is doing.
Lane Kiffin is completely unqualified to be the head coach at USC. Hell, he wasn’t qualified to be the head coach at Tennessee. The only thing Kiffin managed to do as the Vols head coach was to piss off almost every other coach in the SEC. Lane Kiffin is what we call an interview king, he sells himself well. He sells himself so well that he keeps convincing people to give him millions of dollars to do things that he has no idea how to do. This is a useful skill to have if you’re Lane Kiffin, but a terrible skill to have as a head coach (recruiting being the big exception to this rule). Let’s see what Lane Kiffin has delivered to his employers over the past few years. As Raiders head coach he went a stellar 5-15. Maybe we can rack that up to you know, it being the Raiders. But he managed to turn around Tennessee right? A 7-6 record and a trouncing by Virginia Tech in this bowl game would beg to differ. Is this the resume of a guy who you want as your head football coach? Hell no it isn’t, this is the resume of the guy you want to be coaching your most hated rival. This is the resume of the former football coach who now is the manager of the local IHOP. Yet somehow people keep giving Kiffin chances to stab them in the back. This hire make USC look like they were desperate to find anyone to coach their soon to be heavily sanctioned program. Here is the real question that we should be asking ourselves, if USC is the best job in the country, why the hell is Lane Kiffin the head coach there?
Still, you have to admire the ability of Lane to take one crazy decision by Al Davis and parlay it into two head coaching positions at premier college programs. It is not his fault that people cannot see though his bullshit and into his complete lack of accomplishment. One has to ask if Monte was actually in the room when Lane was born or conceived, because you can’t believe someone as great as Monte Kiffin could produce anything like Lane. Well, unless he was squatting on a toilet. But look on the bright side, more Ed Orgeron coverage!
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