Why the BCS Game Will Not Stand for "Bama Championship Smackdown"

by Slate Quicksilver

Iroquois did a solid job telling you why Alabama should win the game. I am inclined to agree, as I predict a blasting of Texas into the Stone Age. But allow me to play the devil's advocate and tell you why Texas could win the game.

Reason #1: The Texas Defense

The Longhorns have a defense that is certainly stout. Stout even in normal terms, not just in BigXII terms. BigXII defensive stoutness in 2008 was a synonym for "Jello." This defense doesn't fit that mold (ba-da CHING!) and in fact is pretty damn good. This is thanked largely in part to defensive coordinator Will Muschamp getting a second year with this defense. Although they lost sackmaster Brian Orakpo to the draft, the defense was still fearsome and forced turnover after turnover.

Muschamp getting the D to improve as rapidly as it did is thanks to his intense style of play, intense style of coaching and intense style of everything (full disclosure: only one was not involving Muschamp). He is getting better recruits and better play from the current players and that is a scary thought. The BigXII with actual defenses would be like a nuclear Iran, it is a danger to everyone else in their area. The Texas D will also be helped by the lack of an Alabama offense. All it has become is a series of and passes to Mark Ingram followed by the ever present drag route from Julio Jones and the rare throw deep to X receiver. That's really it.

Oh, and remember that Auburn beat Alabama in 2006 and 2007: the two years Muschamp was the D-Coordinator at Auburn and before that he was Nick Saban's DC at LSU and in the NFL with the Dolphins.

Consider your mind M-F-ing blown.

Reason #2: Texas could totally invade Alabama and win

Notable "historians" and military enthusiasts have always wondered, if all of the states fought each other, who would win? "Always" meaning "since college football started" because let's face it; maybe your rival beat you, but seeing as how they are from Indiana and you are from California, you can always rest assured that if the shit went down between those two states, California would reach Indianapolis in 2 days, tops, and plant the Bear flag on the steps of their Capitol building and have everyone listening to Sublime within a fortnight.

This is not at all about the military, this is about the populations of the states, defensive terrain and the pre-conceived knowledge about the people fighting. It is also important to note that the state with a larger population always invades the less populated state. Example: New Jersey is small and hard to defend, yet those people are all packing and are in fact, not even human at all. Pennsylvania could ostensibly attack New Jersey, but consider that PA only has 4 million more people than NJ and consider the Amish, old people and just general "white as milk" population in the rural areas. It would come down to the Philly reserves and Pittsburgh Steel workers to take Newark and I wouldn't put any money on it.

So we come to Texas vs. Alabama. Texas has a 20 million person advantage in population. Alabama is mostly flat land, but has it's share of rivers and swampland. Alabama's populace cannot be underestimated in a brawl for any number of reasons but the people from Texas are, well, people from Texas.

Texas, if they were to invade Alabama, would send the McCoy flank to take Mobile and the Norris Flank to take Huntsville in a matter of hours. From there a pincer like maneuver would take place sending the McCoy flank sweeping through the southern flat lands and the Norris flank through the northern hills while the bulk of the Texans lead by Mack Brown would charge through Tuscaloosa and Birmingham until it swept south to link up with the McCoy contingent in Montgomery. The Jordan Shipley brigade will split wide north with the McCoy flank to secure the interior lowlands. Montgomery would fight hard, but would fall after 2 days of fighting, maybe. All deserters and enemies would be subjected to the electric chair, seeing as how that's what Texans do for a hot time on weekend evenings during the football off-season.

Pincer like military maneuvers are very effective in flat to slightly hilly terrain, making Alabama a perfect place for Texas to perform one.

More than likely, Talladega would be the last stand for the Alabamians. Most treasured possessions are usually the last things to fall. Estimated time of full victory at Talladega: 3 years. That's because Vince Young will be leading that charge and, as we all know, it takes Vince Young 3 years to finally get "it" right. "It" includes, but is not limited to, College Football, NFL football, life, friendships and dog training.

Only one of these things is actually relevant to the game but I'll leave up to you, the dear reader, to figure that out.

Basically Texas needs a low scoring game.

Nebraska wrote the recipe for knocking Texas on their asses, but you can't completely shut them down. Texas will put up points, but will Alabama? Texas will put up at least 13 points. The question is: "How many points will Alabama score?" A shootout leads to an Alabama victory solely on the Tide's powerful defense which will eventually put the Longhorn defense in snooze mode, so a low scoring defensive puntfest is what Texas wants. Oddly enough, that's what Nick Saban probably wants as well. Texas can win, but they can't let it be a shootout.

So there you have, folks. College football = over. How sad. We will mourn the loss of the season in the coming days with wrapups, eulogies and other types of recognition. We will be reordering the schedule shortly and maybe even adding a new contributor(!) thus giving you more content to scrutinize and yell about. The 2010 college football season won't being until (probably) September 4th... nearly 8 long months away. So enjoy the game tonight!

Why the BCS Game Will Stand For "Bama Championship Smackdown"

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

Considering the success of the previous point/counterpoint on the Florida Marlins, we have decided to bring back more intelligent bickering amongst friends. As regular readers will note, this blog is heavily centered on college football and with the pendency of the BCS National Title Game, it is time for us to celebrate and subsequently mourn the end of another season.

This debate is going to be straightforward: who would win in a fight between an elephant and a longhorned steer? The flagship universities of the state of Alabama and the Republic of Texas, respectively, will decide this soon in an orderly fashion governed by a shifting momentum and interpretation of rules. I have been tasked with championing the Crimson Tide, a task consistent with my prediction of the game.

Reason #1 - Bama's O

Alabama found the magic formula for their offense in the SEC Championship game. A heavy dose of the running game, anchored by H---man winner Mark Ingram and freshman Trent Richardson (who may be better than Ingram when it's all said and done), combined with QB Greg McElroy's new-found ability to connect with Julio Jones. But I think the real key for Bama will be the fact that the #2 receiver for Bama (Marquis Maze) is more consistent than any of Texas's #2 receivers (e.g. Malcolm Williams). Something that got exploited against Florida and proved very effective throughout the year is lining up Maze and Jones for a high-low pattern, which will take star S Earl Monroe out of the picture. If Monroe elects to cover TE Colin Peek instead, this will probably leave single coverage on either of the capable Bama receivers, lest we forget Ingram's ability to catch passes in the flat. With the quick out to Peek and/or Ingram, this will serve to offset DE/OLB Sergio Kindle's swath of destruction.

Admittedly, this is a harder argument to make because Texas has an outstanding defense, headed by Iroquois favorite Will Muschamp. But, I'm on Bama's side here.

Reason #2 - Texas's Offense

Texas's offense is mostly propped up by playing against teams with very little defense. Outside of Nebraska and Oklahoma, the next highest rated team in terms of total defense that Texas bested was Oklahoma State, at around 34. After that, the dropoff is something ridiculous down to Louisiana-Monroe, UCF, and Texas Tech, who are all in a row. In the games where Texas played the top defenses, Texas mustered around 270 and barely over 200 yards, respectively, and one of those games they actually won (they did not beat Nebraska without making up a rule about the clock runoff, not to mention reviewing a non-reviewable play).

Further belaboring how good defenses can shut down Texas is the fact Rolando McClain will be available for the game. McClain is an outstanding spy MLB who has enough lateral quickness to contain mobile QBs, as evidenced by his ability to contain Tim Tebow and Tyrod Taylor. Then again, it may have something to do with the alliterative effect of dual Ts. Given the problems that Texas had containing Ndamukong Suh (the definite #1 pick), it could be assumed that, even if they are different kinds of DTs, Terrence "Mount" Cody could cause similar sorts of disruptions for Texas' interior line. Combined with the marquee matchup of Jordan Shipley versus Javier Arenas and we could see Texas's two playmakers held in check. If McCoy can't be mobile or throw the ball to his only consistent target, they'll be forced to run, which they aren't able to do so well.

Reason #3 - Coaching

Nick Saban may be a bastard but he is a master gameplanner. You don't think Saban was studying that Nebraska tape for days at a time, possibly neglecting friends and family during the holiday season? He probably kicked his wife out of the house while playing pocket hockey and viewing Nebraska's 3 man rush getting by Texas's O-Line. Nick Saban just doesn't lose when he has ample time to prepare. He walloped Florida so bad because he probably spent the last year preparing for the game. As if his own hardassness doesn't cause him to prepare for the game, there are several thousand Bama fans with his address and lots of disposable alcohol and firearms and an ill temper when their beloved Tide doesn't win.

To be fair, even if Saban wins, Bear Bryant is gonna get the credit. I wouldn't want to win someone else's championship, either.

In short, Bama will trounce Texas because Bama has figured out how they need to play to beat anyone with their impressive win against Florida, Texas cannot manage to start their offense against a good defense, and Mack Brown only won a championship because Vince Young was...Vince Young. Colt McCoy will leave Texas being closer to Chris Simms than Vince Young, a great but not heroic figure in Texas QB history.

Slate's defense of Texas starts tomorrow.

The No Spin Zone

by Slate Quicksilver

We here at PLS are trying a new route called "point-counterpoint." Earlier, Red attempted to sway the general public into moving the Florida Marlins. This seems like an almost fair point. The Marlins always rank near the basement (if not the actual basement) in attendance and they trade all of their players. That's a fair assessment. But his points were not done with clear research and with some inequities in his points.

Enter the No Spin ZONE!

Marlins fans do, in fact, exist. You are reading the words of one. Now you may be thinking: "Slate, wait a second. You are biased!" Of course I am! If you want unbiased coverage and fair thoughts and salient points, trek on over here.

Look, the fans do exist. The Marlins TV ratings were misreported by Red. They actually have the 4th LARGEST tv market by actual viewers watching the game. Only the Yankees, Red Sox and Cubs beat them and those teams have ENTIRE REGIONS of the country to draw viewers from. The Fish have all counties south of the I-4 corridor and a smattering of counties north of Orlando (population = ~11,000,000) to draw potential viewers from. Marlins games were, in 2008 and 2009, shown on the Armed Forces Network as their Sunday Baseball game several times, which means someone was requesting them to be shown. So to say that fans don't care is erroneous.

But I'm not hear to attack my colleague and friend, who happens to be a New York Yankees fan (I'm not saying anything... but I'm just saying...).

Let's look at why there are vast empty tracks of nuclear orange seats in Joe Player LandShark Robbie Pro Dolphins Stadium. We'll go from the weakest to strongest of arguments.

Reason 1: The stadium is in the middle of nowhere. JPLSRPD Stadium is in the smack dab middle of the hardcore south Florida ghetto. Miramar, Florida flanks the stadium to the north and Miami Gardens sits to the South. Walking down these streets are an open invitation for any unsavory character to rob you blind and leave you bleeding in the streets. Don't bother calling the cops/EMTs... they won't come. JPLSRPD is not like the venerable stadiums in the large city/high attendance teams. Wrigley Field, Yankee Stadium, Fenway Park, US Cellular Field, SafeCo Field, AT&T Park, Citi Field are all near or are on train/subway stops. Those are big pulls for attendance in the majors you can't overlook. For the Marlins, you can try your luck on the city buses. So unlike what people do these days and did in the past, people don't just jump on a train and get dropped off at the stadium. Kids can't play hookie and go to a day game instead of school because they would be kidnapped in minutes. You have to pay 20 bucks to park... and we'll touch on that down the road. Not only are there actually fans, the Marlins are also the gateway to the Caribbean and the team of choice for the Latin World (who cares about baseball that is). MLB needs that influence to get their international appeal. There's no such thing as: "I think I'll go to the game tonight." Going to a game requires days and months of preparation and a zen-like thought process to not murder in cold blood the 9th guy who cut you off getting into the single toll lane they have on the way out towards the Turnpike.

Point is, the Stadium is a shithole and there is no easy way to get there/get away from there. People from West Palm Beach (28% of the market) are 1 hour+ from the stadium. It's not like they can jump on the Red line and be there by 6:50 for a 7:05 start.

Reason 2: The team trades every player away the second they want more than $6.15 an hour. Some people think "they are a terrible team because they just trade their players all the time." Well those people are lazy. They don't know this: the contract they have with the stadium is the worst screw job in the history of professional sports. For every dollar spent on tickets, the team only gets 30%! They get no concessions money. They get a fraction of parking. So basically, most of the money made there doesn't go to them. Now who could be dumb enough to sign that contract? No one, in their right mind, that's who. And you know why they did it? It took them 15 years to get their own stadium. That's why. Wayne Huizenga, the worst human being alive, rammed the contract up their asses because he knew they couldn't go anywhere else. This is vindictive-ness on an epic scale and a destruction of business ethics.

So when the Marlins trade Dan Uggla in a few weeks, don't think "oh they are stupid/or bad." Know it's because they have no money no matter what they do. And that's the most cited reason why no one goes. It's impossible to like the team because it changes every 3 years regardless of success or lack thereof. And either pity or leave alone their fans because it happens all the time.

Reason 3: The Marlins have good attendance when they do well. This cannot be denied. I don't have "facts" to "back this up"... again go here for that sort of thing... but the Marlins have an above average attendance record for when they are in playoff contention and they have set modern-day (post 1970) baseball records for attendance during the playoffs. So again, the fans are there. A new stadium has the promise of a regular fan base to regularly attend. No more random 2 hour rain delays. No more sitting in 95 degree heat/98% humidity at 8:30 PM. No more minuscule payrolls because every dollar spent there goes to the team rather than the vindictive reclusive former owner who deserves to be eaten alive by bears. The new stadium will save the franchise. Will they shoot up to the top 10 in the majors? Probably not. But they will leave the bottom 10. They will spend money and contend on a regular basis (not every 6 years). You can bring up numbers of successful minor league teams in large cities, but that is not indicative if they will see them when tickets are more steep than $14 for the most expensive seats in the house.

Moving the Marlins would be a terrible idea. Move Pittsburgh, move Washington back to Canada. They have new stadiums and don't draw dick. But moving the Marlins is a terrible idea.