The No Spin Zone

by Slate Quicksilver

We here at PLS are trying a new route called "point-counterpoint." Earlier, Red attempted to sway the general public into moving the Florida Marlins. This seems like an almost fair point. The Marlins always rank near the basement (if not the actual basement) in attendance and they trade all of their players. That's a fair assessment. But his points were not done with clear research and with some inequities in his points.

Enter the No Spin ZONE!

Marlins fans do, in fact, exist. You are reading the words of one. Now you may be thinking: "Slate, wait a second. You are biased!" Of course I am! If you want unbiased coverage and fair thoughts and salient points, trek on over here.

Look, the fans do exist. The Marlins TV ratings were misreported by Red. They actually have the 4th LARGEST tv market by actual viewers watching the game. Only the Yankees, Red Sox and Cubs beat them and those teams have ENTIRE REGIONS of the country to draw viewers from. The Fish have all counties south of the I-4 corridor and a smattering of counties north of Orlando (population = ~11,000,000) to draw potential viewers from. Marlins games were, in 2008 and 2009, shown on the Armed Forces Network as their Sunday Baseball game several times, which means someone was requesting them to be shown. So to say that fans don't care is erroneous.

But I'm not hear to attack my colleague and friend, who happens to be a New York Yankees fan (I'm not saying anything... but I'm just saying...).

Let's look at why there are vast empty tracks of nuclear orange seats in Joe Player LandShark Robbie Pro Dolphins Stadium. We'll go from the weakest to strongest of arguments.

Reason 1: The stadium is in the middle of nowhere. JPLSRPD Stadium is in the smack dab middle of the hardcore south Florida ghetto. Miramar, Florida flanks the stadium to the north and Miami Gardens sits to the South. Walking down these streets are an open invitation for any unsavory character to rob you blind and leave you bleeding in the streets. Don't bother calling the cops/EMTs... they won't come. JPLSRPD is not like the venerable stadiums in the large city/high attendance teams. Wrigley Field, Yankee Stadium, Fenway Park, US Cellular Field, SafeCo Field, AT&T Park, Citi Field are all near or are on train/subway stops. Those are big pulls for attendance in the majors you can't overlook. For the Marlins, you can try your luck on the city buses. So unlike what people do these days and did in the past, people don't just jump on a train and get dropped off at the stadium. Kids can't play hookie and go to a day game instead of school because they would be kidnapped in minutes. You have to pay 20 bucks to park... and we'll touch on that down the road. Not only are there actually fans, the Marlins are also the gateway to the Caribbean and the team of choice for the Latin World (who cares about baseball that is). MLB needs that influence to get their international appeal. There's no such thing as: "I think I'll go to the game tonight." Going to a game requires days and months of preparation and a zen-like thought process to not murder in cold blood the 9th guy who cut you off getting into the single toll lane they have on the way out towards the Turnpike.

Point is, the Stadium is a shithole and there is no easy way to get there/get away from there. People from West Palm Beach (28% of the market) are 1 hour+ from the stadium. It's not like they can jump on the Red line and be there by 6:50 for a 7:05 start.

Reason 2: The team trades every player away the second they want more than $6.15 an hour. Some people think "they are a terrible team because they just trade their players all the time." Well those people are lazy. They don't know this: the contract they have with the stadium is the worst screw job in the history of professional sports. For every dollar spent on tickets, the team only gets 30%! They get no concessions money. They get a fraction of parking. So basically, most of the money made there doesn't go to them. Now who could be dumb enough to sign that contract? No one, in their right mind, that's who. And you know why they did it? It took them 15 years to get their own stadium. That's why. Wayne Huizenga, the worst human being alive, rammed the contract up their asses because he knew they couldn't go anywhere else. This is vindictive-ness on an epic scale and a destruction of business ethics.

So when the Marlins trade Dan Uggla in a few weeks, don't think "oh they are stupid/or bad." Know it's because they have no money no matter what they do. And that's the most cited reason why no one goes. It's impossible to like the team because it changes every 3 years regardless of success or lack thereof. And either pity or leave alone their fans because it happens all the time.

Reason 3: The Marlins have good attendance when they do well. This cannot be denied. I don't have "facts" to "back this up"... again go here for that sort of thing... but the Marlins have an above average attendance record for when they are in playoff contention and they have set modern-day (post 1970) baseball records for attendance during the playoffs. So again, the fans are there. A new stadium has the promise of a regular fan base to regularly attend. No more random 2 hour rain delays. No more sitting in 95 degree heat/98% humidity at 8:30 PM. No more minuscule payrolls because every dollar spent there goes to the team rather than the vindictive reclusive former owner who deserves to be eaten alive by bears. The new stadium will save the franchise. Will they shoot up to the top 10 in the majors? Probably not. But they will leave the bottom 10. They will spend money and contend on a regular basis (not every 6 years). You can bring up numbers of successful minor league teams in large cities, but that is not indicative if they will see them when tickets are more steep than $14 for the most expensive seats in the house.

Moving the Marlins would be a terrible idea. Move Pittsburgh, move Washington back to Canada. They have new stadiums and don't draw dick. But moving the Marlins is a terrible idea.