Sketches on Collective Stupidity

by Slate Quicksilver

(Ed note: Make Yourself a sandwich before this post... it's a long one)
(Ed note^2: Long but awesome)

In case you either don't like sports or haven't been awake since Sunday evening, I think you should know that Canada won the gold medal game in hockey at the Olympics against the US. It was one of the best games of hockey in the last decade or so and not just in context or timing, but in terms of actual hockey. It was amazing that there were no commercials during the intermission, the game was up and down with great plays on defense and amazing saves by the goalies. When Zach Parise (someone I personally I do not like) tied the game up with half a minute left in the third period, cheering was audibly heard in the streets of the hockey wasteland known as Kansas City. The game winning goal was a great two man play, equivalent to a give and go from the top of the key in basketball. If it wasn't a pre-planned play, it certainly looked like one. Goalie Ryan Miller never stood a chance with a good player freely bearing down on the net (being an indoor soccer goalie, this one sympathizes).

The NHL went back to work last night. The Red Wings, who sent no less 35% of their roster to the Winter Games, played their old rivals the Avalanche (who sent 20% of their roster), in a close game which the Red Wings won with a late goal 3-2. The players, to a casual observer, looked normal. The trained eye saw certain players not working as hard cycling the puck in the corners, forwards playing international style of the game (more individual effort than team effort) and the game slowing down at the ends of periods. Basically, it was noticeable that certain players were drained while others had 2 weeks to go fishing.

This brings us to the crux of the situation. USA goalie Ryan Miller, who is also inconveniently the goalie for the Buffalo Sabres, has a game tonight. And not just against anyone. The Sabres play in Pittsburgh tonight against the Penguins, whose captain is none other than the golden goal man himself, Sidney Crosby.

"AN OLYMPIC REMATCH!!!!!1!!!" is basically what any communications network, whether TV, radio, interwebz, telegraph, long wave maritime facsimile or smoke signal that has a tilt towards the sporting world is claiming about this game. Sportscenter is creaming its pants over this matchup. So much so that all day on Sportscenter, which they show for 14 hours (not a joke) on an average weekday, they have been asking their "experts" from all sports their opinion. Opinion on what, you may ask? They want their opinion on the audacity and nerve of Ryan Miller and the Buffalo Sabres organization and their decision sit Ryan Miller tonight for the aforementioned "rematch." Yes, Ryan Miller will be dressed, but will not start in Pittsburgh tonight.

This has caused ESPN to collapse into a singularity. Some, namely the hockey people like Barry Melrose and John Buccigross (who anchors in the afternoon and a regular... and very good... writer for their hockey section on espn.com) favor sitting Miller in a relatively meaningless game in the face of the NHL season and the playoffs; both are easily upper playoff seeds with just over a month to go and they don't need him to get hurt. But it is the "experts" who are just hopelessly clueless about the game and show that although hockey was done a favor by the Olympics and the results, the sport is still climbing uphill to restore its place in the American sports-industrial complex. The "experts" try to bring their sport's culture into it or just show how little they care/know(/both).

Using the 2 P.M. Sportscenter hosted by John Buccigross and Chris McKendry (two of the upper echilon anchors on the network in my opinion), I went through each "expert" opinion. The more I watched, the dumber I felt and the worse I felt for the game of hockey.

Bruce Bowen (Credentials: NBA player for 13 seasons/NBA defensive player of the year '03/'05/'07)

"I think he should play." He took the "the Olympics were great and the NHL needs the publicity" and the "you need to help your teammates." The clincher of stupidity was Bowen saying that Miller needs to realize that athletes sometimes play "back to back"s. Clearly Bowen never played anything other than basketball. The back to back he was referring to was that the Sabres play tomorrow. But a hockey back to back is one thousand fold tougher on the body than a basketball back to back game situation. Also, Bruce Bowen never came off the Olympics after losing the biggest game in more than decade. In fact, Bruce Bowen's international career is highlighted by a 3rd place finish at the 2006 FIBA World Championships where he didn't even play in the game where we got eliminated.

Doug Gottlieb (Credentials: College Basketball player for Oklahoma State/ESPN Radio/White Guy)

"I'm guessing that he is completely exhausted from (his schedule) and his extra effort that he gave even though he wasn't on the ice when they scored the game tying goal," and "everyone makes the playoffs... hahaha." Although he believes he should be sitting, his opinion shows he knows absolutely nothing about hockey. The everyone makes the playoffs shtick is old. We hear that, but never hear that the same number of teams make the playoffs in theNBA. And the "not on the ice" thing shows how little he knows about the sport. He wasn't on the ice so that we could get an extra attacker and more than that even if he were on the ice, he wouldn't be up in offensive zone because he is the goalie! Yet again, this shows how bad it is for hockey in the mainstream. Hosts on flagship networks don't even understand the simple mechanics of a major sport.

Todd McShay (Credentials: Somehow gets paid to predict NFL players draft chances because he is only slightly better than flipping a coin/hates Tim Tebow/White Guy)

"He probably should play (in terms of PR) but let's give him the night off (after what he did for us)." A very legitimate opinion from a guy who makes his money in an illegitimate business ruining college kids careers because their agility cone time is only 94% the average of their position's average.

Herm Edwards (Credentials: Former NFL player, Former Head Coach of the Jets and Chiefs) and Barry Melrose (Credentials: Only person this mix who ever played hockey in the NHL/Coached LA Kings to Stanley Cup Finals... and lost... in 1993/has a mullet)

Herm and Barry "squared off" with both anchor kind of moderating. Here is a brief breakdown. Barry said he should not play. No way. He is spent physically and mentally... especially mentally. And that's when stupid injuries happen. Herm retorted with (for some reason) dropping a puck he had in his suit pocket and saying that if he were the player he "would tell the coach 'I'm Playing.' Unless he takes my shoes and stick, I'm playing." Barry countered with "this is not a big game and Miller needs rest". Herm, who clearly knows little about the game much less the current NHL season, said "YES IT IS A BIG GAME!" Barry tried to interject but Herm, talking a mile a minute, wouldn't budge even going as far to saying that Barry was once a player. This got Barry off his block, because Barry was terrible at hockey and he is very defensive about that, and basically Herm won the argument because Melrose was basically done talking about Miller and was ready to talk about something else.

You (Credentials: You are the country and you are voting. You =people at work but not working, college kids, people with nothing better to do, the unemployed)

Sportscenter does these polls to get your opinion. "Your" being those who vote on these polls. 63% of "You" said he should play, 37% of "You" said he shouldn't.

By the way, the game is not on national TV. If you have FoxSports Pittsburgh of MSG-B, you can watch the game at 7:30. Anyone else, you can go to bar and ask your soon to be puzzled bartender or waitress if they have the hockey package on DirecTV. Don't be surprised if you get laughed at.