Perhaps "The Hoff" is Right

Emergency DEFCON-1 levels have been activated in Gainesville. All points from Williston Road to 39th Street between I-75 and Waldo Road have been cordoned off as radical factions of the Gator Nation have stormed the streets fighting for supremacy and looking for a scapegoat. All of those not involved with the conflict are recommended to evacuate to the designated zones in either Haile Plantation or the Airport to be entered into the refugee camps until the situation has been curtailed either by U.N. resolution. Nuclear attack from either Tuscaloosa or Baton Rouge, the only SEC teams with dangerous firepower of any kind, is also a possible endgame. Unfortunately for those fighting, there is no Orwellian "Goldstein" character to create as a universal fall guy for all of the ills of the current time.

The factions, once realizing there is no one to blame but their Golden Calf's own health, will eventually turn their ire into a fight for who should be the next in line. Some back Tommy Tuberville, former coach of Auburn. Others back Gary Patterson, head coach of TCU while some like Chris Petersen who is the head coach of Boise State. Other names thrown around are Bobby Petrino (hell to the f*ck no), Mike Shanahan (why?) and former Gators D-Coordinator Charlie Strong (spoken for). An outsider who we shall call "I. Plisken" has theorized one Will Muschamp, D-Coordinator at Texas/coach in waiting, could be in the race.

Though there is no faction in Gainesville that is publicly backing Muschamp, the logic is there (whereas it is not when Mike Shanahan is mentioned). Mack Brown, who is obstructing Muschamp's ascent to the throne of Texas, signed a 5 year extension to coach the Longhorns. Muschamp would make a fine coach with his intensity and defensive prowess. The offense is in place for next season (a more traditional offense) and Will Muschamp would turn the Gators defense into an even more destructive force and he can recruit as good as anyone. Hopefully this "Iroquois P." will elaborate more on his speculation.

We can only hope that things will settle down shortly and that order will be restored in Gainesville after the hiring of whichever head coach is chosen. We can only hope that the next coach will not be a reincarnation of either Charley Pell (5 years of violation-palooza), Galen Hall (a near death penalty experience) or Ron Zook (/deep sigh of sadness and recalled pain).