Potluck Sports: Stuff That Interests No One: My Fantasy Sports Team

Monday, December 28, 2009

Stuff That Interests No One: My Fantasy Sports Team

Posted by Iroquois Plisken

My fantasy football team missed an undefeated season by one point this year. I just wanted to brag to the Internet.

Final Squad (4th pick snake):

QB - Phillip Rivers, Joe Flacco
RB - Maurice Jones-Drew, Pierre Thomas, Darren Sproles, Quinton Ganther
WR - Derrick Mason, Roddy White, Miles Austin, Antonio Bryant, Mohamed Massaquoi
TE - Antonio Gates
DE - Clay Mathews, Andre Carter
DB - Brian Dawkins, Charles Tillman
D/ST - Bengals, Browns
K - Ryan Longwell, Connor Barth

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Slate Quicksilver

Born on a Jungle Cruise in deep forested Amazonia to wealthy international shipping magnates, Slate is world renown in the mercenary scene for his prowess in leading rebels to victory over superior numbers lead by incredulous dictators and rouge generals. He has turned down numerous military and civil medals of honor from multiple countries due to fashion standards. He stands 6'8"; eats lightning and craps thunder; fluent in all languages except one: Love. He was once good friends with the World's Most Interesting Man, but a falling out occurred after a disagreement over the importance of the reinvestment in America's Navy by President Chester Arthur pertaining to the Spanish-American War. The world's philanthropist/socialite scene awaits their reunion. While not traveling the world or volunteering at Children's hospitals, Slate will write about football, baseball, hockey, soccer and food.

Annie Detroit

Like all children born in the murder capital of the US, Detroit, Annie was given an Kevlar injection shortly after she was born and has naturally bulletproof skin. Running away from home at the age of 3, she snuck across the border into Canada and was raised in the Yukon by an Inuit/Ninja family. Once grown, she would return to the States and take on a career as an undercover spy for an organization so secret that the name of said organization cannot be divulged. While no man has been able to pierce the steel skin to Annie’s heart, she was raised to respect hockey’s greatest figures, and holds particular esteem for Detroit’s Steve Yzerman. She will write about baseball, hockey, and food.

Iroquois Plisken

Before you ask, no, he is not related to John Carpenter's character, Snake Plissken. Don't feel bad; it happens all the time. Plisken was born in an Illuminati compound and was poised to join the ranks of the New World Order, but resigned due to creative differences. Many of Plisken's life details are shrouded in mystery, hearsay, and innuendo. He was once romantically linked to 6 celebrities simultaneously, including Margaret Thatcher, Dave Coulier, and Erin the Esurance.com pitchwoman. Plisken was also once attributed to inventing the printing press, despite being born into this world several hundred years after 1454. While not teaching himself the law or hitting golf balls into abandoned minefields, Plisken will blog about football, basketball, baseball, golf, and food.

Potluck Sports

Monday, December 28, 2009

Stuff That Interests No One: My Fantasy Sports Team

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