Doomsday Scenario

by Slate Quicksilver

A few years back my parents took me and Brother Quicksilver on a cruise to Alaska. It was a grand old time. I went to a whore house, Quicksilver Sr. had a bout of Cabin Fever, the sun did not set in Anchorage and we took a bus that took us over the border into Canada without any forms or passports or anything. Three of those things are true. Memories of a lifetime were created of Glacier Bay (see it now before it melts!), Bald Eagles soaring over our cruise ship (no, they do not poop gold nuggets as some Americans proclaim) and a crazy guy walking down the street in downtown Anchorage yelling "WOOOOO" and saying that the earth would end shortly. My parents swiftly had us cross the street lest we be "WOO"ed at.

The point of that heartwarming reflection of a family vacation was the "earth ending" part. We have six undefeated teams right now, one of which will lose (UF/'Bama), two of which are done at 12-0 (TCU and Boise State) and the other three could lose (Cincy, Texas and UF/'Bama).

Thus I will do my best Glenn Beck's Super Crazy Insanity Hour impression. Enjoy/Burn me in effigy.

Is this the breaking point for the BCS? The world hopes so. I hope so. Yet, like the biggest logs of poop in a toilet, incompetence always seems to float to the top (example: all the BCS conference commishes and the university presidents).

Boise State and TCU are locked into undefeated-ness. One will almost certainly go to a BCS game and the other has a solid chance barring a screw job of epic proportions. Cincy needs to survive a Wannstache-led Pittsburgh ambush, Florida and Alabama's game will produce an undefeated team and Texas will most likely steamroll Nebraska in a clean and efficient manner.

Let's pretend that Texas, UF and Cincy win their game. Texas and UF go to the NC game, Cincy gets screwed and goes to the Orange or Sugar Bowl, TCU plays the loser of UF/Bama and Boise State plays somebody somewhere at some time. No matter what, 3 teams get screwed. 3 teams over 3 conferences.

Why do conferences matter? Well, folks, I'll tell you. Last year, Utah went undefeated. They crushed Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. Yet those plucky guys from the Beehive State didn't win a championship since Florida played in an "IMAGINARY" championship. Yes, Florida. The same team with one loss. "But wait, Slate! Hold on a second their partner! Florida was the best team in the country last year," you may be saying. Well, friend, I say to you this, Florida is in the southeastern conference. The SEC. And what does SEC rhyme with!? Conspiracy! SEC... Conspiracy! How does the general public not see it!?

Folks, it didn't matter last year that Utah was undefeated. They are from the Mountain West conference. A flyover state, if you will. But Florida... Alabama... they are going to the National Championship game. One of them, that is. Texas? They are going. And if they lose to Nebraska, who cares!? Cincinnati will slide in to the game, leaving the small conference teams out in the cold with Trent Lott.

Is that fair? No. Last time I checked, this is America. We always let the little guy in. Ever see the movie "Rudy"? That little guy was a hard working American, just like TCU and Boise State and that story was based on a true story! Imagine if Notre Dame, with all their power and glory didn't let little Rudy on the field against Georgia Tech at the end of the movie. Would they have won? NO!!!!

Look, the point of all of this is that there is something fishy here. And you know what, Fish smell. Smell... a synonym for smell is aroma. And what does aroma sound like? OBAMA! Of course! AROMA - OBAMA - FISHY ACTIVITIES - SEC - CONSPIRACIES! DON'T YOU SEE IT!?!?

It's bad enough that we are going to get OBAMACARE shoved down our throat where tainted flu shots will be mandatory. Tainted, Slate? Yes! Abortion chips and truth serum will be placed into your flu shots which will turn you into a pro-SEC hack and there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! Why? Because Obama and his Patriot Act is gonna force you. That's why.

Escape is impossible. TCU and Boise State are already afflicted. Look at them. Boise State's Colors are ORANGE and BLUE... THE SAME AS FLORIDA'S! THEY PLAY ON A BLUE TURF! Give me a second to feign indignation and pretend to collect my thoughts.

Look, friends. We're in trouble here. The end is near. Stay tuned to find out how to survive the upcoming Thunderdome.