Blood is Best

By Annie Detroit

Growing up in Canada, there really is only one sport that matters…curling. Unfortunately, it couldn’t quite quench that unendurable thirst I felt for violence and blood. So I turned the second most popular sport, hockey. I remember back in the day after a long day at the dojo with my family, huddling around the television and watching Hockey Night in Canada (with the original music, not this new crappy one…what’s with the bagpipes, are we Irish!?) I dreamed of one day suiting up and carrying on the great traditions of Bob Probert, Tie Domi, and Dave “Tiger” Williams. But I knew I was destined for other things. It wouldn’t be until years later that I realized working for [DELETED INFORMATION] and traveling the world to foil the world’s criminal masterminds, that my work serves a different purpose. I remember once when I was in [DELETED INFORMATION], I was just about to [DELETED INFORMATION] and I [DELETED INFORMATION] with my gun…that was funny, it popped right back in.

I digress. Having never visited the southern regions of the United States (my company was never able to secure the Visas for such a visit), I am thankful for my colleagues and the knowledge they will be able to provide you on the things to which I remain ignorant. Especially when relating to our food theme. For instance, I have no idea what “sweet tea” is, or “lemonade.” I only know of two kinds of beverages introduced in my youth, Labatt and Molson. Though to eat, I certainly delve into my carnivoristic nature.

I prefer the one on the left

I have pledged my undying allegiance to the Detroit Red Wings for many reasons. Their plethora of Hall of Fame players (Gordie Howe, Ted Lindsay, Sid Abel, Glenn Hall, Terry Sawchuk, soon to be inductee Steve Yzerman) as well as the other famous/infamous players from my youth (Vladimir Konstantinov, Bob Probert, Stu Grimson, Pat Verbeek, and Joey Kocur). These upstanding citizens were great ambassadors to the game. It wasn’t until March 26, 1997 that I was rewarded for my loyalty. Blood, violence, Colorado pansies sprawled across the ice…it was the greatest day of my life.

Well, that’s enough chit-chat for now, I don’t want to be late to [DELETED INFORMATION] where I’ll be [DELETED INFORMATION]. Ta-ta for now.