Note: Nothing in the following article represents an endorsement of gambling or even reliable advice.
(9) Miami @ (11) Va Tech -
Iroquois:
Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock, Throw Away the Key and Bet the Ranch Lock of the Week
Look, I’d rather not type this, either. The fact of the matter is that Miami is going to win this one walking away.
Virginia Tech usually has one of the top defensive units in the land, thanks in part to a strong, ingrained philosophy of, well, defense. The viewer, of course, would be pretty hard pressed to see this over the course of the first few games. VT surrendered nearly 500 yards to Alabama, TBTITCRN (The Best Team in the Country Right Now), so that’s forgivable. Consider, though, that VT also surrendered nearly 350 yards to Nebraska, a team with not much else outside of RB Roy Helu, Jr. (Note to you Cornhusker fans: I had a dream that I was run over by Tommy Frazier the other night. It’s been nearly 15 years and I still get the heebie-jeebies thinking about that game. I was 9!). Bo Pelini has that team on the right track, though.
Let us also precaution against dubbing Miami ‘back’ so quickly. I would not be remiss in mentioning that both Florida State and Georgia Tech has a pass defense that’s ranked about the 25th percentile in the nation [translation: they blow]. That being said, Mark Whipple, a former Brown quarterback, was drawing up more cogent offensive schemes and gameplans in his 4th grade P.E. class than Patrick Nix could ever draw, even in epiphany type situations. It is also worth noting, yet again, that Brown University makes an appearance on this blog, despite none of the authors ever having attended there, or even setting foot on its hallowed grounds. Brian Griffin would no doubt be pleased.
Miami wins this game because they are designed to attack the VT defense that Foster likes to play. Travis Benjamin, a kid who I absolutely admire, is turning out to be the real deal at WR so far in his career. Jarvarris James and Graig Cooper are going to run roughshod over these VT defenders. Jacory Harris has proven competent enough this year thus far to prove he deserves the respect of the country. Miami’s D-Line depth is sufficient enough to keep Tyrod Taylor from pretending he is starring in a live-action NCAA Football ’10 game and running like a chicken with its head cut off around the field. If Miami can contain the run as well as they did against the Ramblin’ Wrecks, VT has no offense. As John Madden (or Frank Caliendo channeling John Madden) once said, “If you don’t score more points than the other team, you probably won’t win the game. TINACTIN!”
Miami over VT.
Slate:
This game used to mean something. It used to be about convicts and a blue collared team fighting it out in a backyard slugfest where the winner would instantly win the Big East. My how things changed the past few years since the vanguard of the Big East changed addresses to the ACC. Va Tech is still a blue collared team, but not nearly as feared as they used to be. Miami is certainly not the team of parolees and future federal prison inmates that they used to be. Va Tech is still sitting their position "very goodness" and Miami is trying to reassume the title of "slaughterhouse of a team." Unlike in the old days, this game could be boring because Va Tech and Tyrod Taylor (his 2345th year of eligibility) can't move the ball and Miami hasn't been truly tested yet (FSU is wildly inconsistent and GT has no defense).
Miami over VT.
Annie:
I'll go with Va Tech for an upset because it's an El Nino year and Miami is too unpredictable
VT over Miami
TTech @ (17) Houston
Iroquois:
This ought to be a REAL fun matchup here. Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the offensive passing numbers of their quarterbacks. Riding high off of their big win against noted Leghumper slayers Oklahoma State, Houston seems primed for an upset, especially since, much like the rest of the Breadbasket region, defense is not highest on the priority totem pole. Whoever scores last wins.
Houston over TTech.
Slate:
First to 85 pass attempts wins.
TTech over Houston
Annie:
Who really cares?
(6) Cal @ Oregon
Iroquois:
As long as Kevin Riley can do his best imitation of Brad Johnson, circa 2002 Tampa Bay, or Trent Dilfer, circa 2000 Baltimore, I don’t see how the Cal Golden Bests can lose to the typically inconsistent and maddening play of the Oregon Nike Live Action Test Dummies.
Cal over Oregon.
Annie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
Obvious answer if you watch the video
Slate:
As long as Cal keeps handing the ball off to hyperback Jahvid Best, there is no way Oregon wins. More refunds coming your way, Duck fans!
Cal over Oregon.
(1) Florida @ Kentucky
Annie:
Close call...
Florida over Kentucky.
Slate:
Kentucky wins only if the CDC quarantines the Gator football team on the tarmac at Lexington's airport. Otherwise this could be the week Florida's offense wakes up and creates enough death and destruction that the stock market will fall due to safety concerns.
Florida over Kentucky.
Iroquois:
Being purposefully sparse…
Florida over Kentucky.
Michigan State @ Wisconsin
Iroquois:
With all due respect to one of the author’s alma maters, I would probably much rather read the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure than to watch Big 11 football. I wouldn’t fall asleep as quickly. The result of the “I don’t care” coinflip is…
Wisconsin over MSU.
Slate:
Do or die for MSU. They lost the last two weeks thanks to capricious happenings in two consecutive weeks. Wisconsin has virtually no offense and a lackluster defense. MSU, however, has approximately 0 luck.
MSU over WisCANsin
Annie:
Hopefully Michigan State
MSU over WisCANsin
(23) Michigan @ Indiana
Slate:
Will this be the week Michigan FINALLY faces a real defense not made of marshmellowy goodness? No. They will run over Indiana at will and eventually will call in a cheerleader to be the slot receiver in the second half. But every football fan, particularly those who don't like Michigan, can't wait until they face a real defense with people who can "tackle" or "move."
Michigan over Indiana.
Iroquois:
See Michigan State v. Wisconsin, supra.
Michigan over Indiana.
Annie:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_
Self-explanatory
AND
(22) North Carolina @ Georgia Tech
Annie:
I don't really care...the Patriots
PATS (-4.5) over Falcons
Iroquois:
I call this one the “Keep It in Your Pants, Unless You is [Author’s Note: Word 2007 auto-corrected “you’re” to “you is”. I wish I was making this up.] A Real Degenerate Gambler” call of the week. UNC has an excellent run defense. GT, when they properly execute, has a decided schematic advantage and has the third best running back in the nation in the backfield. I like GT to rebound from the thrashing they saw last week. I also want to avoid completely chalking a week’s worth of picks.
GT over UNC.
Slate:
Both teams were expected to do great things. GT flopped against Miami, survived Clemson and lethargically beat Jacksonville State. UNC slept through the Citadel, dodged a bullet with a quadrapalegic Connecticut team and then outlast East Carolina. It just comes down to if GT can move the ball. If yes, GT wins a close one. If no, the Jackets get sprayed by a giant raid can by Butch Davis. I vote for the latter.
UNC over GT
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