Final Word for College Football Week 5

By Slate Quicksilver

Here's your weekly college football rundown for teams that matter in case you missed something here or there:

(1) Florida and (2) beat their respective byes by a total of 639 points. Critics claim they were running up the score.

(3) Alabama had issues at Kentucky in the first half, but scoring 2 TDs in 19 seconds before the half opened that game up very quickly. Kentucky has no QB. At all. 'Bama, on the other hand, looks very strong and very deserving of being a top 5 team.

(4) LSU went between hedges to (18) Georgia and pulled a miracle out of thin air. 3 TDs were exchanged in the last 3 minutes of the game with LSU scoring the last one. You have to wonder if the Tigers were looking ahead to next week's battle with UF. On Georgia's end, their running game clearly has not found a replacement for Knowshon Moreno despite getting their O-line nice and healthy.

(5) Boise State did not meet the expectations everyone had against UC Davis. UC Davis is a D2 school, Boise State is supposedly one of the few true powerhouses in a non BCS conference. Yes, they won and maybe UC Davis is good, but the #5 country in the nation should NEVER have issues with a D2 school even if it is the former D2 national champion. Right, Michigan?

(6) Virginia Tech continues our disappointment trend with their 8 point win against Duke. Yes, a win is nice. But Duke should never come with 20 points of a D1 school. Tyrod Taylor looked miserable and their Defense let up several long plays to white nerdy Duke receivers. That was both funny and a let down for the #6 team.

(7) USC ran over (24) Cal. I guess it didn't matter that Cal lost last week to an Oregon team that was wielding a battle axe and a kite shield. Even if Cal won, USC probably still would have pantsed them at home in front all of their friends and family. Jahvid Best had 47 yards on 13 carries. Not good for the best RB in the nation if you ask me.

Rest of the top 25:
(8) Oklahoma had (17) Miami on the ropes early, but Miami ratcheted up their D and Landry Jones (an awesome name for a QB in the Big XII... with an awesome mustache by the way) couldn't lead the comeback. Da U went 3-1 through their death-run/blood gauntlet which is very much worth a pat on the back, an "attaboy!" and a beer.

(9) Ohio State beat Indiana in unspectacular and boring fashion. The Terrelle Pryor Overrated Watch has been raised from "one eyebrow raised" to "rubbing one's facial hair while taking a deep breath."

At one time (10) Cincy was only up 23-13 to Miami (OH), but they realized their offense wasn't plugged in properly for the first three quarters.

(11) TCU dismantled SMU with no one being surprised.

(12) Houston took on the real markings of a C-USA team by losing an in-conference game after shocking two out of conference teams.

(13) Iowa made things more interesting than it had to be against Arkansas State, but is now 5-0.

(15) Penn State crushed Illinois to bounce back from their loss to Iowa.

(16) Oregon vivisected Washington State (as most teams do) and left them for dead to be eaten by wolves.

(21) Ole Miss had more trouble with Vandy than most thought. They should expect a win next week against Alabama. Welcome to the Houston Nutt Era.

(22) Michigan was completely rocked and dominated by Michigan State for 3 and a half quarters, scored 14 points in the last 4 minutes and then screwed up in overtime. MSU, as this website has maintained, is better than their record. Michigan, as this website has also maintained, has been overrated. So this was not a shock.

(25) Georgia Tech beat a potentially improving Mississippi State team.

The rest of everything:
Maryland survived Clemson. Virginia perplexingly beat UNC. BC nearly screwed the pooch but held on against FSU. Wake dodged NC State. Colorado continues its quest to be bad enough to finally fire Dan Hawkins. K-State blocked an extra point to beat Iowa State. TTech went nuts on New Mexico. Baylor is halfway to a bowl after beating Kent State. Texas A&M forgot to show up against Arkansas. Greg Paulus threw 5 INTs to lead Syracuse to a loss to USF. The Wannstache beat down Louisville. WisCANsin won Paul Bunyan's axe over Minny. Northwestern got a last second TD against Purdue to win. Don't look now but Stanford is 4-1 after beating UCLA. Notre Dame beat Washington in OT but certainly didn't deserve it. Oregon State beat Arizona State. South Carolina beat South Carolina State soundly (and according to the ESPN.com one line summary is "off to best start since 2007". 2007!). Finally, Auburn continues the fun train with a win over the inbreds... I mean Tennessee. Note: As of now, Lane Kiffin has sang "rocky top" "all night long" exactly two times this year out of 5 chances.