Your Weekend Picks 10/31/09

Weak stock of games this week, so there is only 5 worth any predictions. So weak, in fact, that only Slate and Iroquois made predictions.

(1) Florida - Georgia

Iroquois:

Don't send my boy to Tennessee
The dying mother said.
Don't send my boy to Alabam'
I'd rather see him dead.
But send my boy to Florida
'Tis better than Cornell.
But as for University of Georgia:
I'd RATHER SEE HIM IN HELL!

CHORUS:
To hell, to hell to hell with Georgia,
To hell, to hell to hell with Georgia,
To hell, to hell to hell with Georgia,
The Cesspool of the South!

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the stomping of the dogs,
We will teach those poor darn farmboys they should stick to slopping hogs,
When the Gators are triumphant we will raise a mighty cheer,
"We'll do the same next year!"

On the field between the hedges there arose a mighty stench,
In the dog machine the engineers will throw a monkey wrench,
When the Gators are triumphant we will raise a mighty yell,
"Them dogs can go to hell!"

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the NCAA,
They're investigating Georgia players to see how much their paid,
After counting all the cars, and the loans alumni made,
They outpaid FSU!!

Apologies, GT fans.

UF over UGA

Slate:
I'm not 100% sure if the fires and carnage have truly been put out from last year's anal pilliaging in Jacksonville. Brandon Spikes set the tone early by re-introducing himself to Mr. Knowshon Moreno in a socially responsible, yet aggressive, fashion. Now we come back to Jacksonville with the Bulldogs containing a powerfully anemic offense that only showed up once this year, a suspended starter on the line and a QB who does not look good even against terrible defenses.

However last year, Florida's offense was a rolling dreadnaught of death that decapitated all of those unfortunate enough to be in its lethal path. GALACTOHOCKEYBEAR, if you will. Currently, Florida's offense is nowhere near GALACTOHOCKEYBEAR. Florida's defense is something GALACTOHOCKEYBEAR is fond of, and that will be why Florida wins. But the redzone offense needs to wake up.

UF over uga

(4) USC @ (10) Oregon

Iroquois:
This is shaping up to be a Pac-10 Pointsfest. USC's defense has been suspect of late and Oregon is still Oregon. LaMichael James is filling in quite nicely for LeGarrette Punch. Matt Barkley is still as impressive as he was earlier in the year, and Damian Williams could actually be the successful receiver that comes out of USC (with apologies to Steve Smith, NYG. He hadn't broken out until this year). Still, I can't imagine Petey Pie dropping this game.

USC over Oregon

Slate:
I don't get why, but LaGarrette Blount with be suited up for this game. Since Oregon's crapping of the bed in Boise, their offense has been a whirling dervish of death and vengence. USC's defense is less than good and USC's offense is less than amazing. Points will be everywhere in Eugene, but I think the person standing with gun in their hand after the smoke clears will be Oregon. This will finally end the USC Fun Cruise.

Oregon over USC

(3) Texas @ (13) Oklahoma State

Slate:
How Dez Bryant is suspended for the rest of the season while LaGarrette Blount is playing this week is perplexing. Consequently, the Will Muschamp led Longhorns defense will embarrass the Cowboy defense all day. Blowout alert!

Texas way over OK. State

Iroquois:
I don't have any justification for this, really, seeings how Okie Doke State isn't very good. In fact, this game will probably end up much like the woodshedding on Mizzou last week. However, Zac Robinson has really been playing well in spite of losing Dez Bryant and Kendall Hunter, thanks to improved play on the OL. I also believe Colt McCoy will start pressing more, as he does need to impress H----man voters, and OSU might be able to take advantage. If OSU jumps out to an early lead and can hold Texas on a few possessions, watch out.

Okie Doke State over Texas

(6) Iowa @ Indiana

Slate:
Iowa has dodged 4 bullets this year: Northern Iowa, Arkansas State, Michigan and Michigan State. They aren't just playing house money, the are playing with stolen money from the Russian mob money. Eventually, a gentleman named Petrov will come to their house, shoot them and their family in the kneecaps and elbows, douse the house with kerosene and light it on fire with the condition that if they all get out alive, they can go to the Outback Bowl. They will also earn Petrov's respect, which is hard to come by.

Corn barely over Indiana

Iroquois:
Hmm. Iowa is very lucky they haven't lost 2-3 games now, I tell ya what. They were a phony PI call and a non-RTP call away from losing to Arky St. and should not have beaten MSU last week but for a terrible defensive playcall by Sparta. However, they keep winning and I must acknowledge them for that. Seeings how my last few attempts to unseat the Corn were ineffective, let's try this.

Corn over Indiana

(21) South Carolina @ Tennessee

Iroquois:
Tennessee is favored in this game, and I can see why. Montario Hardesty has been running like a younger Travis Henry (sans siring) of late and the defense, captained by former Bucs planner Monte Kiffin, has been showing up in big games (e.g. the moral victories against UF and Bama.) They also have homefield advantage in the Rocky Top Toiletbowl. I just can't bring myself to pick them. As much as this is hedging my bets, I fully expect TN to win this game, but because I can't bring myself to actually select them to win...

SCAR over TN

Slate:
Kiffin the Younger still can't get a big win. Kiffin the Older has to be really pissed about this. He perfectly gameplanned Florida, Georgia and Alabama, yet they only took one of those three games. Now the Ol' Ball Coach rolls into Knoxville with his offense. Granted, his offense is limited because of Stephen Garcia at the helm. That's not good. But let's look at this. Monte Kiffin was the D-coordinator in 2003 for the Redskins. In 2003, Spurrier was the head coach/offensive coordinator for the Redskins. They played and the result: Tampa 35 Redskins 13. Kiffin crushed the Redskins' offense. But now Kiffin Sr. has to deal with Kiffin Jr.'s miserably bad offense.

SCAR over TN