Final Word for College Football Week 7

By Slate Quicksilver

Big games in the college ranks this week. Some teams rolled, others got rolled. The top 10 saw 2 teams fall and 4 teams dodge bullets. College football is certainly in full swing now.

(1) Florida sleepwalked through Arkansas and barely survived. It is true that Arkansas missed 2 FGs (UF missed one) and really Florida's defense is the sole reason they won this game. A hyper-conservative offense and 4 FUMBLES were big contributors in the Razorback upset bid. Credit the Hogs for getting to Tebow all day, but credit the Gators for learning from last year's Ole Miss debacle and not abandoning the run. Florida has fallen to #2 (no shocker...) but it isn't like Alabama crushed South Carolina...

In fact if you took away (2) Alabama's early pick 6, South Carolina was in striking distance for the entire game. The Tide's offense carried solely by Mark Ingram's decision to bulldoze any and all people who opposed him... he rushed for 246 yards on only 24 carries! Stephen Garcia was his normal erratic self, going 20/46 with that pick six, but he played admirably. It was the Gamecocks lack of running the ball to get important first downs that killed them.

If you are keeping score at home, Alabama has allowed 24, 14, 7, 7, 20, 3 and 6 points this year. Florida has allowed 3, 6, 13, 7, 3 and 20 point this year. If both teams play in the SEC Championship game and if both teams' offensive and defensive trends stay the same (mediocre offenses, pants-soiling causing defenses) the SECCG will be an 8-6 defense-fest.

(3) Texas nearly got clipped by (20) Oklahoma despite re-killing Sam Bradford early. 8 turnovers really muddied this game and Colt McCoy didn't go nuts as expected. The biggest stat was OU's complete embarrassment of a running game. They had a grand total of -16 rushing yards. This forced OU backup Landry Jones to try to pass his way to the victory. That did not happen. (Side note: Colt McCoy vs. Landry Jones is probably the best matchup of QB names the BigXII has ever seen. Colt McCoy... good Texas name. Landry Jones... Tom Landry + Jerry Jones!?!?! If those aren't perfect names for BigXII powerhouse teams' QBs... I don't know what is.)

(4) Virginia Tech got smacked down by (19) Georgia Tech in Hotlanta. Tyrod Taylor was not horrible and neither was the Va Tech running game. But GT's triple option went bananas rushing for 309 yards. VT D-coordinator Bud Foster's head exploded after the game destroying all buildings within a .75 mile radius. GT, channeling their inner 1940s stat line, threw a total of 7 times. It really has to be noted that other than Miami, GT's offense has run everyone over this year stopping only to clear dead bodies out of the wheels wells on occasion.

(5) Boise State on Wednesday(?) held on to stave off a late charge by Tulsa. It is at this point that we, as a people, must come to the realization that BSU is going to coast to an undefeated season. Yes, we talked about the potential of this doomsday scenario at the beginning of the year, but we thought that surely Oregon would take care of them (stupid Ducks) and that maybe either Fresno State or Tulsa could trip them. They now have a straight and undisturbed torpedo run on an undefeated season lined up. Will this finally be the year that a team like Boise State crashes the championship game? We know between Florida and Alabama there will be a loss and Texas is not in the clear just yet. This is going to be an interesting second half of the year.

Rest of the Top 25:
(6) USC did not obliterate (25) Notre Dame as 97% of the country had hoped. Credit Front Butt with cooking up a good offensive game plan and not eating it before the band finished the national anthem. This killed the Irish's last gasp at getting to a BCS game and may have sealed Front Butt's pink slip. This also raises questions about USC, who supposedly a team made of world-beaters and ninja robot assassins. This site makes no bones about it. ND is VERY OVERRATED due to several games they SHOULD HAVE LOST BUT DIDN'T DUE TO RIDICULOUS CIRCUMSTANCES. USC should have brutalized them, but couldn't. This suggests that it may be a down year in Trojanland.

(7) Ohio State finally lost an in-conference game to... BWAHAHAHAHA... Purdue. 5 turnovers slit the Buckeye's wrists and Purdue's place kicker might have made himself a nice paycheck in the NFL making a 55 yarder and went 4/5 to seal the day. The Terrelle Pryor Overrated Watch is being raised 2 levels this week from "people are starting to make pamphlets stating the theoretical case that he could be overrated" to "Kate Hudson". He skipped "The Toughness of an Actual Caribbean Pirate Circa 1700" thanks to the loss. By the way, Ohio State does not require an independent "Overrated Watch" because "Ohio State" is already a level in the TPOW and it is just about as high as you can go.

As expected (8) Cincy beat down (21) USF, who folded like a lawn chair in the second half. Cincy, like Boise State, has a great chance of going undefeated.

(9) Miami was a bit slow to get started, but Jacory Harris found his shiny shoes and kick started the flyness-train. UCF put a fight, but no one beats Jacory Harris when he puts on his shiny shoes.

(11) Iowa continues its trend of being undefeated yet not winning any game convincingly by outlasting WisCANsin.

(12) TCU pillaged Colorado State. Next week TCU gets BYU. That will be some non-power conference football to watch.

(14) Penn State unplugged Minnesota by completely shutting them out. It snowed in Happy Valley on Saturday. For a Floridian who moved to Michigan not long ago, this is terrifying because it is mid-October.

TTech walked into (15) Nebraska's house and managed to pull off a victory. TTech is now ranked, whereas Nebraska takes the loss and drops from the top 25. Worse still, the BigXII north is going to be an ocean of mehness. K-State is 2-1 and in first place. Bill Snyder will not die.

(16) OK State blew up Mizzou, who left their offense in the locker room after halftime.

Despite having to deal with a mega hissy fit from his son and the hell he will catch from the ol' ball 'n' chain, Dan Hawkins sat his son in favor of the backup QB due to poor play. The result? Unranked Colorado ends the (17) Kansas hope train. Why is it that whenever Colorado beats anyone who is ranked when they are not, they rush the field? Seriously. You beat a terrible team undeserving of their rank. This does not equal taking down a #1 team in the nation.

(18) BYU got it's 500th win as a program over San Diego State. This has to feel good for the Stormin' Mormons, but remember that a good deal of those victories were against teams like: San Diego State.

(23) Houston smoked Tulane after a slow first half.

(24) Utah was not to be outdone by arch-rival BYU getting their 500th victory, so they got their 600th win as a program over UNLV. This has to feel good for the non-Mormons in Utah, but remember that a good deal of those victories were against teams like: UNLV.

The rest of everyone:
Clemson ran over Wake. BC exploded on NC State who is going in the wrong direction. Virginia's course correction continued over Maryland. Iowa State won their first BigXII game in like 234 years over Baylor. Kansas State nuked Texas A&M. The Wannstaches are 6-1 (good for Pitt) after beating Rutgers. UCONN soundly beat Louisville, Steve Kragthorpe is not going to be there much longer. West Virginia seemed to take it easy on Marshall. Sparty showed up late for homecoming against Northwestern (a noon game and to be fair MSU is a party school...) but took care of business. Michigan feels like a big man right now after totally beating up D2 Delaware State. The Fighting Zookers lost to Indiana in a game that would have put even meth-heads to sleep. Army lost to Temple (Temple... we're at war and clearly you are on the terrorist side). Navy survived a fight with a rapidly improving SMU. Cal took of business over UCLA. Arizona let Washington off the hook last week with two late TDs, so this week Stadford extended the Wildcats with the same courtesy. Arizona State struck gold late to beat Washington. Georgia stomped on Vandy. Mississippi State beat Middle Tennessee State. Ole Miss killed UAB to try get their offense oriented in the correct direction. And finally we here at PLS would like to salute Kentucky for beating Auburn for the first time since 1966.