Final Word for College Football Week 9

Dull week to finish off October... unless you go to Oregon. Or Boise State, for that matter.

(1) Florida dismantled Georgia at the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Joe Cox threw eleventy billion INTs, Tim Tebow broke the all time rushing TD record and the Gators clinched the SEC East crown with a month still to play. Florida's offense looked leaps and bounds better than in previous weeks and Tebow reactivated the deep passing game. No word if this will be a trend, because UGA's defense features a pillow-like toughness aspect. It's a long trip back to Athens from Jacksonville and the for the 17th time in 20 years, it was just a little bit longer.

(3) Texas buried (14) Oklahoma State alive in Stillwater. It wasn't the Longhorn offense that was excellent, it was the defense that didn't let the Cowboys do anything. Will Muschamp didn't really need to, but he blitzed time and time again and made Zac Robinson regret the day he decided to play football instead of going to art class. Texas now is guaranteed a free run to the Big XII championship game now that the Cowboys have rolled over.

(4) Iowa continued to baffle the college football universe by defeated Indiana by what looks to be a commanding score. However in the 3rd quarter, Indiana was up 21-7 and on the Iowa 5 yard line. Then came a pick 6 that bounced off of 4 people before it fell into a running Hawkeye's hands. Iowa didn't look back from there. They still have Ohio State, so let's not sign off of the undefeated season just yet. (Did I just put faith in Terrelle Pryor?)

(5) USC's overrated-ness finally caught up to them as (10) Oregon handily defeated them. Their annual in-conference loss to a bad team finally caught up to as they ran into another legit team in their conference. It wasn't just that Oregon won, it's that Oregon wiped the floor with USC. It was so bad, Pete Carroll even looked slightly visibly angry. Oregon ran for more than 350 yards and the USC defense spent most of the day bend over a barrel waiting for it all just to end. Finally we can declare USC overrated with clear evidence. As for Oregon, I think we can say that they are back on track after their hiccup in week 1.

(6) TCU continues their march to being undefeated by running over UNLV and then backing the car up and then parking over their lifeless skulls. TCU has San Diego State next week (easy win) and then a huge game with Utah. Utah is the last hope to take them down. After reading that sentence, how sick did you just get?

Rest of the Top 25:

(7) Boise State blew up San Jose State. Unlike TCU, there is no game in Boise's future that could be a loss.

(8) Cincinnati took care of Syracuse in what could only be described as "meh" style. 28-7 is a win, but Syracuse is just not a good team. Yet again, we have another unbeaten. However Cincy's path is a tricky one: They still have West Virginia and they finish at Pitt.

(9) LSU crushed Tulane 42-0. LSU needed to get their offense on the tracks again (granted it was Tulane's defense) before they got to the game with Alabama next week. Remember that if LSU wins, they get to backdoor the SEC championship game. Yes, gay double entendre intended... they probably shouldn't go even if they do beat 'Bama.

(11) Georgia Tech was in a dogfight with Vandy for a while, but eventually the inevitability of the triple option's success wore down the Commodore defense. I have been told Josh Nesbitt is a dark horse for the Heisman. We'll talk about that if GT runs the table here on out.

(12) Penn State took 3 quarters to finally remember that they left the parking brake on. It was 13-13 going into the 4th quarter and then Penn State struck for 3 TDs in a very short amount of time to take care of Northwestern.

(13) Virginia Tech, on Thursday, was stunned by North Carolina at home by a last second FG. We should all remember how terrible UNC was a few years ago, and now realize that Butch Davis is sick recruiter/coach. They have turned around fully and quickly with a terrifying defense and an "ACC blandness central committee" approved offense.

(16) Utah had more trouble than you'd like to see a team who is the last hope to take out TCU have with Wyoming. They were down 10-9 going into the fourth quarter before getting 13 on the board.

(17) Ohio State finally scored more than 40 points! Yay! The Terrelle Pryor Overrated Watch Sponsored by M. Night Shyamalan will stay at "Capri Sun Juices" thanks to a slightly productive game. He was still below 50% in completions and did not "Wow" anyone at all, but he didn't turn the ball over. So we keep the Watch at "Capri Sun Juices."

(19) Miami survived a legit season ending upset bid from Wake Forest. Miami was down 27-14 going into the 4th quarter, but then Jacory Harris went into "Shaft" mode and busted some motherfuckas. Remember that while Georgia Tech can win out to take the ACC Coastal crown, Miami did beat them. A GT loss equals a Miami opportunity to literally play in front of hundreds of people at the ACC Championship game.

(21) West Virginia lost to South Florida in Tampa. This is bad for both schools. Bad for WVU because it is a loss. Bad for USF because now they will think they are good again.

(22) South Carolina got embarrassed by Tennessee. Man did Tennessee look stupid in those black uniforms. I mean really stupid. Not stupid as in: "I hate Tennessee and thus I hate whatever they do." No, that is hardly it. That orange color is puke orange and is terrible and I thought that any attempt to cover it or replace it would be welcomed. Well, black was not the replacement we were looking for, ladies and gentlemen. Oh yeah, South Carolina losing means UF wins the SEC East a month early.

(23) Notre Dame blew out a team (technically) on the road so I guess we should wheel out the Jimmy Clausen Heisman Hope Train again. Worse still about this, it was against Washington State who would have trouble stopping a Pop Warner team. About the JCHHT, I have a theory. Notre Dame has no shot at a BCS game. So all the Irish have is the "maybe" hope that Clausen can somehow get accidentally put on the ballot and then have some hanging chads and maybe win due to strange circumstances (all the SEC voters decided to vote for... let's say... Jevan Snead.

It took 59 minutes and 40 seconds but (24) Cal completed their comeback over Arizona State.

(25) Ole Miss experienced one of those regular and totally normal Houston Nutt failures wherein he loses to an inferior in-conference team. Good night, Ole Miss. It was real and all, but we both knew you weren't #4 in the country.

The rest of everything:

Did you ever think you'd see the day when FSU would have to score late in a shootout with N.C. State just to get back to 4-4? Neither did we, and neither did we see Duke being 5-3 (3-1 in conference!) after beating Virginia. Clemson surprised no one by blowing out a school called "Coastal Carolina" which suggested that the school should be made of sand and the football players have shells instead of helmets. Boston College ran over Central Michigan who already used their one win over a BCS school already this year. Nebraska got back on track thanks to the fact that they got to play Baylor. Mizzou smashed Colorado. Texas A&M ran over Iowa State. Texas Tech demolished Kansas which brings the Fightin' Manginos (mascot: Econo-sized bag of Ranch Dipped Fried Cheese Balls) back to complete mediocrity (at least basketball starts soon). Oklahoma had a touch of trouble with Kansas State, but pulled it off. Rutgers got a late TD to beat an emotional UCONN. Louisville had a handful with Arkansas State. WisCANsin smahed Purdue to pieces. Illinois woke up the offense to hang 500 yards (and 38 points) on Michigan. Michigan State found a new way to lose a heartbreaker: This time it was the refs forgetting the rules of football (if you are laying on your back with the football... you are down, right?) Temple proved how much they hate America by beating Navy on a late TD. Oregon State continued UCLA's march to terribleness. Arkansas went nuts on Eastern Michigan early, but the EMUs pushed back in the second half at least. Finally, Mississippi State edged Kentucky in the SEC "blah" matchup of the week.