SEC Technology Timeline

by Slate Quicksilver

In light of this news, my rage and anger and general "rabble rousing" capabilities have been slightly stymied. Don't get me wrong, most refs in football these days miss approximately 90% of holding calls, 95% of offensive downfield holding and almost never call the horse collar rule implemented a few years ago. College football refs, simply due to there being more games by volume, take far more flak than pro refs (unless your name is Ed Hochuli). But the SEC refs thsi year have been brutal. That news slightly makes things almost better, but in a multi-billion entity... you'd think you could hook up the likes of Jordan-Hare Stadium or Sanford Stadium with a 37 inch Vizio and spring for the extra 10 bucks for the HD package.

Due to this the crack squad here at PLS went into the history of SEC refs and found out the technological advancements, merits and wheelins' and dealins' of this mercurial group perhaps to shed light on why they are behind the times.

1932: SEC is founded
1935: Referees are finally introduced to the league after several maimings
1937: Referees are finally given outfits to identify differently than players and coaches
1940: Referees are given whistles to stop plays instead of just yelling really loud
1941: Referees reluctantly start using the whistles
1945: SEC refs botch the initial Nuremberg Trials by ruling that Goering and Goebbels were "already down"
1953: Referees who require corrective lenses start using them despite regular taunting by other refs, fans and players
1953: Referees who require corrective lenses all either resign or take their secret to the grave
1958 - 1982: Bear Bryant holds league and refs at his will
1963: Replay invented by CBS for the Army-Navy game... a nation thinks Roger Staubach scored two identical TDs in 25 seconds real time until explained otherwise
1965: Jim Jeffs becomes the first SEC ref to own a television. He reportedly used it twice.
1965: Referees start using cars to come to games rather than walking
1967: After missing a holding call against Alabama in the Auburn-Alabama game that lead to the game winning run, SEC refs are cited as the primary reason Cyprus declared independence from Greece.
1974: SEC refs agree that Nixon should have been pardoned
1978: SEC refs win Emmy for "Best Comedy Series"
1981: Referees start using "digital watches" instead of "difference between the current location and the zenith angle of the sun" to time games
1985: 80s megabands Tears for Fears and Men at Work collaborate on an album which donated its earnings to SEC refs whose houses were burned down by those with better vision/judgement
1992: LASIK eye surgery promises to fix vision for anyone with any type of vision loss
1992: SEC referees begin boycott LASIK eye surgery that lasts even today
1995: SEC refs vow to: "do better about the game and stuff"
1995: SEC refs give up on previous claim 3 minutes into the first game of the season
1999: US military looks into sending a cruise missile strike to the location of that which is causing the most pain to Americans collectively. They cannot find a centralized location for the SEC refs
2003: Swindle in the Swamp... the worst officiating of all time forever and ever (note that there is no youtube video for this game AT ALL) [Note from Iroquois: SitS was, unfortunately, not the fault of the SEC Refs. That officiating crew was Jack Childress and ACC Refs, who to this day are not allowed to referee games at BHGS.]
2006: Instant replay instituted in college football
2008: SEC refs finally understand that instant replay meant that they have to actually make a ruling on the play rather than just watch the instant replay
2009: Blood rains from the sky as SEC refs miss terrible game changing calls all year and it revealed they don't even use big screen HDTVs to review plays
2012: SEC refs get HDTVs in the booth
2012: Mayan Apocalypse kills everyone on Earth